Advice -I'm a college student who lives @ home and has a PT job making only $170 week. Read on for more info

Question

$170 is clearly not a lot of money, but if I could just save it up, it would be a start! My Mom, however, has been asking me for $50 out of every paycheck. Last week she needed an extra $38 which she said she'd pay back this week. It's now Thursday and she's just informed me that she will not be able to pay back the $38 and will, in fact, need an extra $100 tomorrow (pay-day).

When I protested, explaining that she's making it impossible for me to save anything substantial, she said, "Who's been paying for you all these years before you started working?" And I couldn't answer, because it's true, but...this doesn't seem entirely fair somehow. My friends are not financially tied down to their parents and they've gotten far more than me!

(My mom does pay for is my car insurance, though, and has been since I was 18. I paid for the car, but stupidly allowed it to be in her name.) But as for everything else: college scholarship, I pay for my own gas, food, etc. What should I do?

Answer 1

Tell her that parents are supposed to support their children. Its not as if you are supposed to pay it back when you get older. She's using you. tell her no.

Answer 2

Parents sacrifice a lot for us (not always willingly but from the pressure of expectations our culture has on parents). Once in a while, a child could be in a position to help on some matters. The problem is that though everyone knows that "money is the root of all evil" they often don't know how to address financial situations hence disregard them (this is especially true with families). The parties think they have some sort of understanding but their own version of the understanding is usually more favorable for themselves. I've seen the best of friends and nicest of people end up in some sort of fight because of money.

First, she does intend to pay you back. At least, that was the impression I got. If you don’t think that will happen you might want to start by looking at how much you are saving by staying at home. Given that you pay for everything yourself save insurance, rent and bills (which I don't know how you accomplish if your part time job is your only source of income unless your scholarship is a stipend), an expenditure of $400 a month sounds very cheap to me. I am in college and live in the city so my monthly expenditure is around $700 to $800.

Resolving this issue (in the best possible way where both parties are most happy) depends on how open a relationship you have with your mother. If you can talk to your mom about where the money is going, you might feel better about it. You may not know it but your mom might be putting it away for a sibling’s education. Although it’s still slightly unfair, given that you had to earn your scholarship and your income may end up paying for your sibling’s education, at least you are helping your family. Just make sure you get some credit for it. On the other hand, if it's just for her, you are essentially paying rent. In which case, I agree with most answers saying that you two should have a set amount you’ll be paying every month. This works because it is probably the most fair. You are helping your mom even if it is called “rent”. Wouldn’t you rather have to give that money to your mom that someone you don’t know? The rent will also make sure your mom doesn’t take advantage of you.

Your car should be in your name. Bringing this up is a delicate situation because it can suggest you don’t trust your mother. It might be best to bring this up when you are done with college and are moving to be closer to work and need to register your car to your new address so that you can park it near there. Parents usually do this for the children and “sell” the car for $1 to have a bill of sale so that they can change the name on the registration. Best of luck!

Answer 3

That is definitely a delicate situation! On the one hand, your mother has provided for you and pays for your car insurance, etc., but it sounds like she is really holding it over your head. Why does she need all of this money from you if she can afford to pay your car insurance? That sounds a little strange. My suggestion, however, would be to get a better job, even if you have to work full time, and move into your own house or apartment. If you have roommates, it will cut down on the cost of rent. You said you pay for everything else already, so the extra money you make working full time should more than cover your rent. It won't be easy.... I know how hard it is! I am currently working on my master's degree and work three jobs in addition to that, plus work 30-50 hours per week on my non-profit organization. It is very difficult, but in the end you will be proud of yourself for all of the hard work that you put forth, plus you can be proud tobe on your own and independent. If you are 21+, I suggest working as a bartender (I bartend at a strip club and make very good money with only 4 nights/wk). Best of luck with your endeavor and I hope everything works out for you!

Answer 4

Of course it's "fair". It's her home. You're an adult. If you don't want to live there anymore, then move out and pay rent on your own. In addition, if your mom needs a little extra money (particularly if she intends to pay it back as soon as possible), why would you deny her that? Would she deny you a short loan if you were in need?

If you can find a place near enough to campus that will cost you only $50 or so/ week, then by all means, go for it. You need to remember, of course, that rent won't be your only expense (nor is it your mother's). You'll need to pay for electricity, heating/gas, water, sewer, trash, renter's insurance... (the list goes on). I assure you that you won't find many other landlords who will pay your car insurance for you.

Until then, learn to be grateful that you're provided with so much. You have a roof over your head, transportation, food to eat, a mother who cares for you, and a college education - many people are not so fortunate.

Answer 5

I think the first thing I would do is get the car and car insurance in your name. She might ask you for less if she isn't putting money out for a bill for you.

Also look into how much money it would take to rent a room. If she's asking for more than it would cost for you to rent a room some where else then let her know. If what she's asking for is less then I would just do what I could get a job that paid more and work as hard as you can at school so you get a out and get a good job.

Answer 6

You could make arrangements to move into the dorm on campus. You could also have her put any agreement about money between you in writing. You are an adult now and can enter into legally binding loan agreements. Also, try to talk to her about why this is happening. What's going on with her that her money is always coming up short?

She was responsible to pay for you until you were 18. If she didn't want to do that, she shouldn't have had you. Set up a rental agreement with her if you choose to stay there where you give her a certain amount for getting to live there.

Good luck! :)

Answer 7

Start by getting that car into your own name and pay for your car insurance yourself. Depending on your situation, your mom might be going through a rough patch and have noone else to depend on. If it's just a rough patch, you shouldnt turn your back on her right now. You could move out and to your campus or in the area, and pay for it with loans or financial aid. Try talking to your mom about her getting some financial help or welfare if she's really bad off right now.

Answer 8

she is giving you a good start 50 dollars in rent =saving you a few hundred a month in REAL rent. car insurance=50-100 a month savings. so if she is asking for some money once in a while just give it whats the big deal

Answer 9

I think you should sit down with your mom and set a definite amount that you will pay each month, or decide on a bill or two that you will be responsible for each month. It sounds to me like you are pretty responsible. Do you think it's possible that she is hinting for you to move out? Explain to her that you do want to help but that you need to save for your future so that you can move out someday.

Answer 10

ummm...it's yer mother. How could you refuse? Just think about all the sacrifices she has made over the years so that you would not go without. If it is a tough time for her, then you should help out. If you need the money, then make her aware of exactly what you need it for.

Answer 11

it's ok for her to want money for you to stay there.. it's not ok for her to change it day to day. If you want to continue to live in her house.. then maybe draw up a contract.. if not.. start working a double and move out .. maybe with some friends... but before you go overboard.. maybe ask why she's needing all this money?? is she in financial trouble right now?? if so.. family helps family.. and you should help her out... but on your terms.. you are an adult now after all.