repair? or at least some closure...I want to meet my daughters.?

Question

a young woman I lived with approx. 1989-1994. She had 2 daughters, J & R. The mom, M, will not allow contact now. The courts are not involved yet, and attorneys I contact tell me that if I exersize my parental right and get the courts to mandate visits the court will also mandate a child support fine, so large that it is in my best interest to not try and see these kids. i disagree. so does my religion. I am searching an attorney and asking for ways to repair, reconcile, or at least get a definate Y or N in the childrens best interest.

Oh wow! Thank you humans for such loving answers!! Now I know for sure what to do

Answer 1

Give it a try-morally you need to support the children anyway and they will be better for having you in thier lives. It seems that your gut is telling you to pursue this so that is what I would do. Good luck!

Answer 2

"She had 2 daughters,....." Were they yours? If so why not say WE had 2 daughters. If they are your biological daughters and you don't mind paying, then look them up. But get this, the youngest if Born in 1994 would be 13, they are both of age to decide whether they want to spend time with you and the courts will take that into consideration. None the less, you have made yourself known and they will make you pay arrears regardless of whether the children want to see you or not. This is a huge commitment on your part, you better decide if you are willing to be a dad, because its going to take a lot for them to come around to you. And by that, I don't mean just $$ wise, I mean love and commitment. Any wrong doing that happens will scar them for the rest of their lives, more so than just, "Not having a father in their lives" Think about that before you go meddling into their lives, just because YOU want to see them.

Answer 3

Congratulations on being a responsible parent! Just in case things get ugly, which I'm sure it will, if I were you I'd document everything...keep all letters, etc. Also, so the kids know later in life that you were really trying to be involved (I'm sure mom may have bad mouthed you) in their lives, maintain a journal for them about you and how you think about them daily, what you thought that day, today, yesterday. If you have an urge to give them a gift that you know their mother won't give them, keep it (wrapped for whatever occasion it was) and give it to them when they become adults -- that is what my husband did and it totally blew the boys away since they had heard Dad was such a scum-bag.

Answer 4

if you did not father the children nor adopt them i dont think there is anything you can do.

if you fathered them or adopted them, than you would owe child support on them and would have to pay in order to see them. however, if she is denying you the right to see them, you could actually fight for custody, but they are near the age they can decide for themselves which parent to live with.

the way i see it, youve waited some 13-14 years to initate a recontact, why do you care all of a sudden??? You didnt care for so long. Thats how the courts will see it.

I all for a fathers rights, but the courts pretty much dont give fathers any rights. its all about the women.

Answer 5

Yes, I believe you are doing the right thing... Children need both parents around whether they are together or not... I'll be honest, it won't be easy to repair the relationship with the girls, since it has been a long time. So be prepared for rejections and attitude, but never stop trying....

Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 6

No one should be kept away from their children unless there is some good reason. If it is that important to you, you can find a good lawyer that will help you. B-u-t you also have to be willing to pay what you owe. There will be back child support and payments in the future. If you are willing to help support them, you should be able to see them.

Answer 7

Their best interest would be to pay the mother support for raising your children alone. That poor woman. My father ran out after he couldn't "deal" anymore and came back when he though he would no longer have to pay child support. He doesn't understand why we are bitter. Well my mother worked three jobs to support us. I had a job at twelve washing dishes, it wasn't easy. I think it is okay to find them but you should compensate the mother for her sacrifice.

Answer 8

to be honest with you your will have to pay that support if the kids are under age. i myself have a daughter that is 12 and hasn't seen her dad since she was 2 and would love to see him now she askes every day about him. and its hard to see her go though it. i have no clue where her dad is and would love to know too but it was his decision not to see her because we where so young and inmature right out of high school. and my parents hated him. i do hope you go forward and try to be with those girls. you will always regret it if you don't. those girls could be just like you and want to be with you too!!!

Answer 9

wellll, does your religion tell you to live and have babies without marriage and to abandon your financial responsibilities to these innocent children??? i bet a gigantic check from you to their understandably angry mother would do a lot to get you in the door as it would demonstrate your commitment and interest, otherwise this sounds like religious conversion, regret, selfish ego on your part. money talks, pal, how about it?????

Answer 10

Wow!!!!!I wish there were more fathers like you.Your the difintion of a true man.And you will make a great father,don't give up.Don't worry about child support or what that lawer said about not seeing your kids.Those are your kids too and you fight.You will be a great DADDY to YOUR girls.........GOOD LUCK AND GOD HAS BLESSED YOU MORE THAN YOU KNOW............