Why do some of you find it necessary to pass judgment............?

Question

Ok some of the girls on this particular section of answers talk about how they are trying to get pregant with their boyfriends. Why do some of you feel the need to tell them that what they are doing is wrong??? If they are in a committed enough relationship than there should be no problem. I am only engaged and I am 5 weeks pregnant. How ever being that you all feel the need to judge you wouldn't know that we have been together for 4 years and were trying to get pregnant. I guess my question is why do some of you feel like you should shove your beliefs on other people who don't ask for it. And for those of you who have had this happen to you before please tell me how you handled it!!

I am 23 and my fiance is 25 and we are fully aware of everything that the decisions that we make as a couple.

Answer 1

I understand your point. Truly I do. But if you aren't looking for opinions, why come on here and ask a question thereby opening yourself up to any number of strangers' personal thoughts on a subject?

And yes, it's your decision to have a child before getting married -- just as it is anyone's decision who is in the same situation. It is a personal and intimate decision for that person or couple alone. And people should not be making "judgments" on your character or religious denouncements because of your choice.

BUT, the askers may or may not be aware of just how difficult it is to raise a child on their own (when the so called committed relationship dissolves and child support and custody have not been established). And while they (or you) may be in a committed relationship -- it is not so legally binding as marriage. Keeping religious aspects out of it: There are certain legal rights given to a child of marriage that are not offered to children in "committed" relationships. Social Security for instance, custody, parental rights, paternity. In many states now you cannot just name a father and put him on the birth certificate, you must have a paternity test first OR put in "unknown." Children of marriage are legally considered the husband's children with no paternity test required. Custody in a "committed" relationship has to be fought for in court. Even if the "committed" people stay together, custody is not a "given," it must be court ordered (for the father). In a marriage, it is a given that both parents have custody (until the divorce and then both are equally eligible to maintain custody -- still a plus). Children born out of wedlock are not eligible for social security benefits from their parents (disability, age, etc.) If the mother should die, the father in a "committed" relationship will have to fight for custody (if it wasn't already established) of his child. It will not just automatically "happen." Did you know all of that? Some people, especially young girls, don't take everything into consideration.

So I agree wholeheartedly with you that people should not be pushing their religious and moral views on others (believe me, I don't do that to anyone -- I hate it being done to me) or passing judgment on someone's character. However, there are legal and practical reasons why waiting for marriage to have children makes sense. And I will always give that opinion to any asker who posts questions about having children in a "committed" relationship versus a married one.

Answer 2

Here is the problem, most people do not know how to answer a question without inputing their personal beliefs into the equation.

In reality, their belief about marriage has 0 usefulness to answer the question of "what are some tips on getting pregnant" (as an example) . In this question the asker might post more details in which they state that them and their bf want to have a baby.

Well, some people read this, and they are shocked that an unmarried couple would want to go out and have children, and then all these religous conotations become added into the equaion and then insted of an actual answer to the question you recieve a long list of reasons to get married.

I would say this especially happens when someone asks about abortion, for example, where they can get an abortion. The person did not ask for anyones opinion of what they though about aboriton, but you can be quite sure that everyone will add their opinion in.

It takes a lot of dedication, and research skills, along with writing skills to present an answer that is unbiased, few people are willing to put forth this effort on yahoo answers, heck few people even read the question in its entire to see if it asks for opinion or facts. that is just life i guess.

Answer 3

I am 32 and have a teenage daughter - do the math and you will figure out that I was pretty darn young when I had my child.

You would not believe how many people are RUDE and pass judgment on me and on her because I'm so young to be her mother. She is on the A honor roll and all that jazz. We've done a great job, but people are such jerks when they put two and two together and learn that I am her mother. Little do they know that I was a victim of rape. That is why I became pregnant, of course, I do not discuss this with anyone (only my parents and husband, and you fine anonymous folks know), but I have a feeling if they knew the circumstances it would make them feel like a dink for passing judgment. So, for those of you who do pass judgment, I hope my story makes you think twice before doing it again.
Anyway, there are great families and great kids from all sorts of circumstances - married, single, whatever. I am one of those families. People really shouldn't pass judgment like that, I agree completely. Live and let live, and don't let your preconceived ideas cloud your mind about what is right and wrong. I had my baby, young and unmarried, and I couldn't be more happy about it. She's the best kid! Ironically, I now have health problems that would make it high risk to have a baby. Sometimes things happen for a reason.
Good luck.

Answer 4

It isn't trying to shove anything down anyones throat, but when you hear a 15 year old talking about TTC with an older drug addicted guy, I feel compelled to try to talk them out of it. The child she is thinking of creating is being brought into a life it desreves better.

A teenager cannot support a child, it is not possible she would have to drop out of school and get a minimum wage job and ship the kids to daycare, which wouldn't be the best because she couldn't afford good day care.

Answer 5

Well first off I dont "pass judgement" onto anyone. I simply answer a question that is asked, whether about pregnancy or sex itself. What others do is none of my business and I don't care what they do with their lives. Those who might say something like "You're too young to have a kid" simply want to protect that girl by telling her she should wait a little longer. They were probably in the same situation and just want to help out. I try to help other as much as I can. If they ask a question I will answer it. You're being judgemental by asking this question. If someone doesn't want to hear the truth they shouldn't be asking a question in the first place!

Answer 6

i am 22 and my husband is 23, we just got married 7 weeks ago and i am 20 weeks pregnant, we have been together for 6 1/2 yrs and got engaged 2 yrs ago (long before we started trying for a baby), i work in a salon and when we were trying to get pregnant i told some of my clients and out of about a hundred ppl only one said to me "your far too young, does your mum know?" can you believe she asked me that? of course my mum knows and its not up to her anyway is what i said to her, we have our own house and both work full time and have more than enough to support a baby and all she was concerned about was my age, anyway the point is that out of those ppl she was the only one, so it didnt bother me in the slightest what anyone thought, and most of my friends have babys and arnt married, even my boss who is 34 isnt married and has 2 babys, so its totally irrevalant about all that stuff as long as the family is happy and the baby really isnt going to know if its parents are married or not! im glad im married only because my kids will have the same name but in this day and age anything goes, so i really wouldnt worry about anyones opinion, if your happy let it go, by you getting bothered about it makes them want to keep going

Answer 7

i am unmarried, but have been in a relationship with my bf for 4 years. we are currently 8 weeks pregnant and he lives in another place right now for work. when i get comments that are totally unrelated to my question, such as "why not get married before starting a family" etc. i just take it with a grain of salt.
i only pay close attention to the answers that pertain to the question i asked. if someone is overly judgelemtal, i'll just give them a "thumbs down" and move on to the next answer i got LOL.
i just remember that, as you stated, no one on this site knows your personal situation, and sometimes, they honestly think they're helping by offering unrelated suggestions.
don't let them get to you, girlie, and Congratulations on your pregnancy! AND your engagement :)
hope this helps!

Answer 8

I don't pass judgment on girls who are trying to get pregnant with their boyfriends. Hell, I have no room to talk. I'm due in a few days and my bf and I have been together for 7 years. I do however, feel the need to let TEENS who want to try and get pregnant know what I think. If you're an adult, and you're capable of making adult decisions, I don't care what situation you're in, do what you please. If you're 16 and you're talking nonsense about having a baby, then hell yeah I'm putting my two cents in!!!

Answer 9

Hi,
The reason is because you put your business in an open forum where people post their opinions. If you didn't want to hear what they had to say you picked the wrong place to announce being pregnant and unmarried. Honestly, while some people may be forcefully expressing their beliefs and how they feel about your situation, you don't have to do anything that you don't want.

You have been together for 4 years and are not married but you are pregnant. My guess is you and your guy will never get married. Be prepared to be ready to have to do this by yourself. Even if he excepts the baby, he may decide to dump you.

Hate to say this, but get he legal obligation out the way so that you have a recourse later.

Answer 10

People love to tell their opinion (like I'm doing right now lol). I never asked questions like that. But I did get pregnant when me and my husband were engaged. We are very happy and people just need to realize times have changed and not everyone is married when they have kids. If they are against premarital sex or having kids, then they don't have to do it!