My husband's mother always gets me clothing. Not only is it always the wrong size, but its always things that I wouldn't even dream of wearing, even if it was the correct size. My husband just emailed me and said that his mom wants to know my size so she can send more clothing for me. Its a tremendous waste of her money because I just give it away anyway. I want to tell her that I really don't need any clothes and that there are other things that I'd rather have if she wants to send a gift. She's not all together and I don't want to hurt her feelings. its not that I don't appreciate that she wants to send gifts for us and I don't wat to appear ungrateful, but it really is a waste of her money, which she doesn't have a lot of, to buy and ship things that I can't and won't wear.
Any suggestions on how to handle this and how to tell her without hurting her feelings?
2007-11-29 05:10:33 · 12 answers · asked by ♥♥Mrs SSG B♥♥ 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Christmas
She lives in New Hampshire, we live Pennsylvania. I've only met her twice. Once when our son was born, and once when we were married. So its not even that she knows me well enough to know what I like. My own husband doesn't buy clothes for me unless I specifically pick them out or send him the link. To me, clothing is a very personal item and most women, well most I know, are very particular about what they wear. She sends clothes for my husband and he'll wear them do work around the house or whatever. But, I'm liking the gift card idea. I know how much I hate to waste money; like when i buy my son something and he doesn't like it. I can't imagine that anyone would want to waste any money, especially at the holidays. I would just hate for her to come down for a visit and ask have her ask me to wear the denim jumper she sent me, and I'm like..."uh...the dog ate it..." because I gave it away.
2007-11-29 05:27:09 · update #1
That is so tricky! My MIL buys me clothes, too. Ironically, I always really like the things she picks out but they are usually a bit big. I like picking out my own clothes, too. I totally agree that clothes are a personal choice. If my mom bought me clothes I would be draped in leopard prints and if my husband bought my clothes I would be wearing full body fishnets. lol
I just tell everyone when they ask what I would like "Ya know? Anything you want really. I don't NEED anything, but I especially don't want any clothes because I have so many I hardly have the time to go through and make room for more."
Have your husband tell her something like, "I'm wondering what to get my wife. she told me she definitely doesn't want clothes this year. Hmm." That way he's bringing it up casually and making it look like you told him that in normal conversation.
Good Luck!
2007-11-29 05:51:17 · answer #1 · answered by plastic 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh gosh this is so tricky I can see why you don't know what to do.
I would tell her that you really do not need anything for Christmas. That it's so kind of her to think of you this time of year but you really are blessed and don't need a thing. Tell her that you would feel better if she saved her money and took a trip out to see you or called more often then she does. Let her know that the shipping alone on these gifts is too expensive. Thank her for thinking of you but tell her please don't get me anything. Save you money to buy items for her grandchildren if she has any. Tell her that if she really wants to do something for you this Christmas say you saw a commercial for World Vison....or whatever you charity is and if she made a donation to that charity in your name you would be very gratful. If your not okay with that then when your here sometimes lets go for lunch.
My mother does this too....can't stand it because you dont' want to hurt her feelings. I have told her many times...with her DO NOT buy me cloths I am really picky. She goes on a trip an comes back with.....CLOTHS. And she will say I know you said not to buy you cloths but I really couldn't resist this. What do you say? It's the thought that counts...no getting through to some people seriously.
Good Luck
2007-11-29 13:25:45 · answer #2 · answered by Violet 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh, I have this same problem!! My stepmom continued to buy me clothes from Gotchalks in the juniors section.. even though I am 30 years old!! They never fit right or were not appropriate for an adult to wear, I would never get the receipt so when I would return them, they would already be like 80% off. Drove me nuts, finally last year I told my Dad to tell her not to buy me anymore clothes.. I was just honest. I know it sounds bad because it's the thought that counts but a gift card is more sufficient than clothes. My own Mom doesn't even buy me clothes unless I pick them out first.. it's just something people shouldn't do. Just have your husband tell her you have so many clothes and don't need anything.. or that he was planning on buying you clothes.. and for her to get you a gift card instead. It's a difficult situation to be in.. and I know where you are coming from. Hopefully she will understand.
2007-11-29 13:18:08 · answer #3 · answered by Cupid 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she is insists on sending you a gift then you can tell her what to get you. Tell her you don't need any clothes this year but that you do need ... That way you will get a gift that you are more likely to use and you can control the amount she spends. She probably will not go with a gift card idea since it's obvious that she likes to take the time to make the choice (even if it is wrong). She may be purchasing the clothes because she doesn't have any other idea what to get you too.
2007-11-29 13:24:41 · answer #4 · answered by duchessofb 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I never like the idea of lying but you can have your husband pass on to your mother-in -law that lately you have developed a mild skin allergy to certain types of cloth because of the dyes or chemicals used to treat and finish the cloth. And of course maybe it wouldn't be the best thing to buy you clothing this Christmas. When Christmas comes, even if she buys you a fruit cake, rave over her gift and hopes she does the same thing next year.
I know how you feel because I have many friends and relatives that have a talent for getting me the wrong things. Personally my favorite gifts are coffee, cake and conversation. But people think they have to show their affection by spending money.
2007-11-29 13:22:51 · answer #5 · answered by brianjames04 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have your husband tell her something that you've been asking for and he'd like for her to buy it because he wants to get you something else. If your lucky, this could become a little tradition of your husband telling her exactly what you want for Christmas every year.
As a last resort, there are a lot of needy people who would probably love to wear anything. Personally giving it away to someone needy would honor your mother-in-law's gift and the feeling you'll get will be worth every penny she spent. Merry Christmas!
2007-11-29 14:03:00 · answer #6 · answered by starfishltd 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth, lovingly. I am a MIL. I always tell my DIL if you don't like something PLEASE take it back, and tell me because if you don' t tell me, you may get it again in another color or pattern and if you did not want the first, you have an opportunity to let me know.
I am not offended if she says she isn't sure of something or does not like it. I don't like everything. I'd rather be told, especiallly at the cost of clothing today. I'd rather know what she really wants. If she wants something other than clothing, fine, tell me though. Maybe she does not know what to get you and figures you can always use clothes.
Just tell her in a friendly, loving manner.
Another thing we've started doing a couple of years ago and, it works wonderfully is in October of every year we email one another a list of "christmas wants and needs". That way, she knows what you want and she can look for something else if she knows.
2007-11-29 13:19:37 · answer #7 · answered by jacobsgranny 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You could just ask for a gift card. That way she can still feel like she's giving you something she wants and you can go and pick out what you want. Plus if you are worried about shipping costs, a giftcard would be much easier to send!
2007-11-29 13:16:59 · answer #8 · answered by swthrtlaura 1 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It's no big deal. As the person receiving the gift, you are not entitled to request certain gifts at the expense of others.
When someone takes the time to purchase a gift for you, your responsibility is to be grateful, and to convey that idea to the person bestowing the gift upon you.
If you actually use it or not is of no relevance. There is no polite way to ask her not to buy you a certain gift without appearing to be ungrateful.
2007-11-29 13:30:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
For one it is her money and she can do what she wants with it. Next, let her have a little pleasure in thinking she is making you happy. You can always give the gift to some one in need, like a donation in your Mother in laws name.
You could also talk to her more and mention things you like or need, do this like at Thanksgiving or a day after so that you can plant the seed in her mind.
To me its the thought that counts and if she took the time to go to a store and shop, then to the post office to mail...She must think alot about you!
You could even tell your husband to drop hints here and there.
Ultimate decision is yours...Good Luck!
2007-11-29 13:19:45 · answer #10 · answered by Bigeyes 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋