Most of the people I know who are past 40 years old have had some "terrible, painful, very sad, and disappointing relationships in their past" thus it seems like even though they are looking now, they seem to be quite distant, less trusting, and more cautious. Some people even have this way of viewing the new guy or girl as if she is similar or like the other. I call it "Scars of Divorce or Breakups" Should that person be looking now if they don't trust people at present? Many of us (myself included) want a good relationship but at the same time another part of us says, "remember what happened before, remember what the last person who said I love you did to you, and do you want to go through all of this again? You better be careful.... better single than heartbroken again." So with thoughts like that floating around, maybe it's best that we stay single? whats your opinion?
2007-11-29 05:08:11 · 11 answers · asked by Housecat 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After (a few) failed marriages, I found my "real love" just before I turned 40. He is also the same age. Our pas relationships/hurts/trust issues make us recognize what we have really is special, and we're not just some young fools dreaming of "happily ever after."
If you are not ready to find love, or to let go of your past, then you need to wait until you are. Once you let go of your past, and realize that your past is what made you who you are - you won't be ready for love.
At 40, your life isn't even 1/2 over.... I hope you DO find love!
2007-11-29 07:54:16 · answer #1 · answered by kelannde 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm much more cautious, but I also have hope that when the right person comes along all those fears will be diminished. I would never compare a new person to the old person. And I don't see being over 40 as an issue these days, not with the Internet. Its a great way to introduce yourself to new people and decide if you would like to get to know them better.
Granted I'd rather be single than abused, but I wouldn't say heartbroken because heartbreak comes with the territory.
2007-11-29 05:21:26 · answer #2 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes it is harder, one thing people are leaving out is what gets you to 1st base : LOOKS, yes like it or not the attraction has to be there. I find it a little different now then when I was oh say
30-37 now those years I was married and there were way to many around. no I never strayed, looked maybe but never touched. got divorced at 42 after 23 very good years and now am 49 and there just not as plentiful anymore besides you have to remeber men can go for a wider range of ages up or down but women our age range is not strechable as theres. (sorry,but its true) and yes since divorce I've had my share of bad ones no doubt learning experiences I suppose.
and they do say there is someone out there for everyone. and
I got to believe something so that would be it. I still want to hopefully grow old with the love of my life still have great sex so I cant remain cold and bitter that would mean my ex gets the best of me? na I don't think so. but dam if it isn't looking real hopefull at the moement just because I dont know where
to find a man for that purpose (relationship) now if all I wanted was sex yes I know how to find that all to fast but as much as I swear I need it I can hold of for something better. If you no of a guy about 45-47 let me know would ya. yes its harder but only cause you have less choices
2007-11-29 16:56:44 · answer #3 · answered by saturnflys 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say its harder to meet someone by any means. My dad is 46 and is non-stop dating new people. I think the real issue is that once you reach a certain age you know what you want and you have given up on wasteing time on what you don't want. It may seem harder to start a relationship because you are picking and choosing the ones you know from experience will work out. Don't let this fact deter you from meeting someone great, try new things too! Plus online dating is socially acceptable for this age group so it opens doors that weren't open before. Its like interviewing you can decide whos a good candidate before commiting to any personal meetings! Good luck out there.
2007-11-29 05:17:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no answers. I'm 50 and would love to find someone close to my age who I could do things with. I would like to go to the museums or have a picnic lunch on a sunny afternoon and go hiking.
I know I have trust issues and I don't look at all. I guess I am scared to open my heart to someone new. I also know I am lonely and would just love to have 1, one friend I can feel connected to, who enjoys the same things I do.
I have totally isolated myself for too many years and breaking out is very scary and I haven't a clue where to begin. It's ok to be single but having a friend would be nice.
2007-11-29 05:46:43 · answer #5 · answered by Cymbaline 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess i carried the"scars of divorce" for a long time, was cautious and was untrusting of others (men).. it took me some time to realize not all men are the same, trust is built with time, my heart wasnt going to be given away again easily.... to some point i was even to scared to love again, afraid of that pain i felt those years before, and knowing that i couldnt go through that again.
I was at the point, in thinking i would be better to be single forever, until one day i met this most wonderful man, whom was compassionate, supportive, loving and unlike any man id ever met before in my whole life....... i at first pushed his attentions away,,, (the ole scared part) i couldnt find anything wrong with him, although i looked and looked....because i was sooo untrusting, and cautious, to cut a long story short, i ended up falling madly in love with him, my greatest love ever, and i married my bestest friend 3 weeks ago.
I think its more coming across the right person, keeping your heart a little bit closer, but not too close that you might miss out on something really wonderful. Taking things slowly and listening to your instincts.
2007-11-29 08:41:43 · answer #6 · answered by smileyone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find out what kind of a friend they are first. Find out how they treated their old spouses or boyfriends...learn about them and go in with your eyes wide open. They will let you know if they have the sort of baggage that you can deal with. The one caution I will give to you is marrying into a blended family where the ex is resentful...this is very hard. I thought I knew and had seen everything so be really careful about the ex as well. Good luck...it is possible to find the right one.
2007-11-29 05:22:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
By the time a person reaches 40 they have acquired a fair amount of baggage in their lives---past relationships, kids, careers, possessions, health issues, etc... Just the thought of adding another person with all of their baggage into the mix can be pretty daunting. A lot of people just don't want to deal with that.
2007-11-29 05:31:29 · answer #8 · answered by mt75689 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I too felt this way for a few years. But, when i least expected it, I found a really nice guy. Not saying I/we would ever remarry, but now we know what we expect of our partner and what they expect from us. Sometimes the things you learn from the past help in the present/future. Love is always risky, no matter what age you are.
2007-11-29 05:13:27 · answer #9 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not feel that it is fair to take any baggage from your ex's to your new loved ones they did not do it we are all people and we all mess up but one person should not suffer for anothers short comings.
2007-11-29 05:26:00 · answer #10 · answered by ღKrissyღ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋