Changing Last names to match?

Question

My Hubby and I are not actually married. We have been together for 3 years and plan to stay together forever, but don't really want to get married. We have a baby together. I don't like the fact that my daughter has a different last name than me. I was thinking of just changing my last name to his too, or hyphenating, although I have always been kind of against the hyphenating thing.

Last year a gay couple we are friends with got married (we live in Canada where it is legal) and they changed both their last names to a new one that they both picked out. They adopted two little boys this fall and changed the kids last name to theirs.

My Hubby recently asked me if I would like to do the same thing they did. I am undecided on whether to do this or not. My main problem is that he has a son who is 8 years old from a previous relationship and I think he will feel left out. His Mom is still super bitter and I am sure she will not consent to changing his name. What should we do?

I don't want to get married because it will become a huge event for my family. Personally I don't want a huge wedding and I know it will end up that way. I especially can't handle that right now with a small baby. Maybe the name change is more of an inbetween stage for us. Someday we may leave baby with Granny and fly off to the Bahamas and tie the knot, but not anytime soon.

As well, my Hubby does not have a great relationship with his family and would kind of like to change his name to make our family unit separate from theirs ... he has not been involved with them for 12 years.

Also, both my Hubby and I have great jobs and we are not mooching off of welfare, but thanks for that comment ... I am on Maternity Leave right now, but whether I am married or not, the amount I receive and the length of time I receive it does not change.

As for stability, we own a home together, are partners in a small business, are covered as a spouse under eachother's heath insurance and have a joint bank account. Plus we are considered in an "Adult-interdependent Relationship" - what our province refers to as Common-law, so same rules apply to us even though we aren't married should we part ways.

Answer 1

At first I thought "what a neat idea" and that you and your husband should pick a new last name, whatever you want. BUT then you threw in your husband's other son... you are a very empathetic person for thinking of him and I congratulate you for that. I agree that he would feel left out and that it would not be good for the family dynamic. I suggest you change your last name to match your husband's. Or if you prefer to hypenate, that works as well. That way everyone's last names would have a piece that connected to eachother's.

Answer 2

The choice you make now , this early in the child's life remains with thefamilies involved for a lifetime. You are not married, and you do not have to behave as if you are married. You should give the Child your last name. As time goes on, there will be so many different step children and marriages between you, your boyfriend and a lot of other people. Your Baby is the most important person in your life and you alone will be the one that hangs in with her for the rest of your lives together.

Answer 3

I know where I live if you use the guys name on important documents and/or live with him for a certain amount of time you are called common law married and you still have to get a divorce even if you did actually get married. Things are probably a lot different there, but if you are planning to be with this man forever, you love him then why wouldn't you want his last name. you obviously care about his son's feelings which is wonderful so If it was me I would just take his last name.

Answer 4

~sure~ My name rhymes with the name of a very evil person from history, so I wouldn't be too sad to see it go. I've heard that men who try to change their last name face much, much more scrutiny from the Social Security Administration, the courts, credit bureaus, banks, schools, departments of transportation, police agencies, employers, etc. The whole system is set up for women to change their names easily, but it assumes any man who does so is engaged in some sort of fraud!

Answer 5

well me and my baby daddy have been 2gether 4 8 yrs & we aint getting married I just had his baby 7mos ago & I gave her my last name even though he was totally against it. i see it like this this is my child and always will be i'll never leave you cant say that about the baby daddy

But whats in a name? A rose by any other name would be just as sweet - William Shakespear

Answer 6

Your not getting married because you getting money from welfare or some government support. Get married or get over it. Your going to end up spending lots of money to change your name for no reason. Why didn't you give your daughter both your last names?

Answer 7

Why not just get married? Why spend all of that money, when you can get married at the court house for pocket change compared to the thousands it costs to change your name? Besides, you are already calling him your hubby?

Answer 8

you can do one of three things, His last name, your last name, hyphenation (its the mexican way to use both) OR yes, combine the two. My niece hyphenated using her maiden as the last and the father as the latter.

Answer 9

i thought that marriage was just a piece of paper but if some one loves you enough to com mitt to that piece of paper with out thinking just to show you that you love that person and that is who you want to spend eternity with. do you want the life without the full commitment?

Answer 10

Just take his last name. Or better yet, just get married. What's to be afraid of if you're already living a "married" life?