Married 12 yrs,one child 7yrs, says he is unhappy for a long while he didnt talk to me about it says i should have know something was wrong. He has gone out to find an aprtment, then he will deploy for 10 months we only have 5-6 mo to make things work, we have had long talks he doesnt want to go to counseling etc.. please give me some advise on how to handle all this while he is moved out.
2007-11-29 04:55:23 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please listen to me. There is noone in the world that you should ever have to CONVINCE to love you and want to be with you. When it comes to men, it seems that for some of them, if they are not actively a part of their family, and they are constantly having to leave for long stretches of time, that they can find it difficult to stay "in it", if you know what I mean. I remeber my brother saying to me, that if he knew that he was needing comfort and needing to feel loved, then he knew his wife surely must be as well, and since he chose to serve his country, he thought it was unfair to her not to have a choice in being lobely. So in his warped sense of honor, he asked for a divorce. Well she wasn't having it. She reminded him that she DID make her choice; to be with him, and althoguht he made a choice to serve his country, she loved him MORE for it, because he was a man of duty and honor and purpose. Needless to say they stayed together, andcherish the time they spen together. Talk to your husband; I suspect that your issues probably have alot to do with being apart for such long stretches of time. Ask him to counsel with you, and not necessarily with a therapist. Areyou guys of a spiritual nature? Look to the Lord that you made your vows in front of. He has the ability to guide his children and lead them back to one another. Butin the end, if you have to beg, plead, or if you find yoursef working toward a goal of togetherness, and he has no interest, do not overlook this. Let him go if he shows that this is more than just frustration at being separated. Also beware; many of these soldiers do find comfort and solace with each other, so their could be another woman that he travels with that he has sought comfort with. All you can do is ask him and request the truth. Blessings....
2007-11-29 05:34:52 · answer #1 · answered by jmizzle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say it doesn't look as though he wants resolution. So I would suggest that you take steps to cover and protect yourself and your son. Start collecting all the info you can about him. His platoon #, cell#, SSI#, car plate and drivers licensing #, bank account #'s and if there are credit cards involved acquire the statements, make copies if you have to. All these will be of use down the line. If you suspect that there is someone else in the picture, do what you can to find out and let his CEO know if there is. Take half of what ever money is in the accounts, he may not be so generous or as some do, take out all the funds.
2007-11-29 13:25:23 · answer #2 · answered by Becky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get your financial affairs in order to make sure that you and your son will be ok. I don't mean take the man for everything he has, just make sure YOU can handle the change in the financial situtation. If he is dead set on moving out, you will have to learn to accept this new situation. He could just be worried that he won't come back.
2007-11-29 13:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him he needs to find a hotel or a friend to stay with until he finds an apartment. He is the one who wants to leave and isn't willing to go to counselling so clearly his mind is made up. I don't think you should have to be uncomfortable in your own home by having him there knowing he doesn't want to be there and is leaving.
2007-11-29 13:07:18 · answer #4 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him space, but know that there is probably someone else involved. You can't make him love you - it's a choice that he has to make. I'm sure it feels like the end of the world, but it's not. This will work itself out with time. Take care of yourself right now.
2007-11-29 13:04:28 · answer #5 · answered by Bob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father once said, when one person in a relationship wants it to be over, usually, it's going to be over! Without your spouse even talking about the relationship troubles, sounds as though he has made a firm decision. I believe this is when the personal healing begins. sorry
2007-11-29 13:26:53 · answer #6 · answered by david 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a look at www.thework.com [Byron Katie] you may find some really useful information here.
2007-11-29 13:05:32 · answer #7 · answered by RAINBOW 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just deal with it the best you can it's not the end of the world
2007-11-29 13:01:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
just pray...i know how u feel...god bless
2007-11-29 13:03:24 · answer #9 · answered by God Bless America!~ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋