my husband wants to have children?

Question

we have been together 6 years and married 5 months he works 6 sometimes 7 days a week from 8am to 11pm i already have a 7 tear old whom i love with all my heart but he wants a child of his own now.from the time we got ttogether he has known that i do not want more children.i dont want him to regret marring me or divorce me because of this.the reason i dont want anymore children is because i am afraid.we have issues now.and i cant bear to have another child and divorce(god forbid) again.even if and when things get better we can discuss it.but he just does'nt understand.

Answer 1

Sounds like you have legitimate concerns. I think you should seek counseling before you get pregnant. One of the issues that should be mentioned is that he wants a baby, but he will be gone all the time. So, does he just want to "have" a child, or does he want to really be a father?

Please don't squelch your concerns to just please him. You have already named what may happen if you move forward with the current circumstances. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Hi, I'm in a similar situation (and our avatars have the same hair - nice)!
Seriously, though, I know how you feel. I, too, already have a child of my own, I know how much work it is to be a mom, and I'd be willing to warm up to the idea of it, but my husband is at work alll the time - 12 hours at least, 6 days a week, sometimes 7 days a week, so I know it would be all on me to raise this child by myself.
Plus I found out that it would be a high risk preganacy for me, and would pose a health risk.
So, he's still gung ho on it and I'm really not on board.
In the end, you have to be 100% okay with this situation. Seek counseling to resolve any marital issues you might have. See if he'd be willing to cut back on work or find a less demanding job if he really wants to have a baby - he will be expected to help and spend time with the child. Your counselor will help you sort through all of these issues.
Things should work out, it's just a matter of getting it all out on the table and working out a plan together. If he is unwilling to budge, then he's being pretty unreasonable and selfish.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, you were honest with him from the beginning. He married you knowing you didn't want any more children. Why does he want a child all of a sudden?

Have you pointed out to him that it sounds like he doesn't have the time right now to have a child? It sounds like he's gone from home most of the time, which means you'll be the one with the responsibility of raising the new baby. He won't get to enjoy being a father if he's never home.

If you're having issues, definitely do not agree to have another child because you hope that will keep you together.

All you can do is talk to him. You can't force him to understand. He shouldn't be upset if you say you want to wait until things are better before discussing it further. Maybe you can talk him into going for marriage counseling. It doesn't sound good for the marriage that he either can't or refuses to see things from your point of view, and that he can't compromise.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Tell him that any issues between the two of you must be cleared up before more children can be brought into the world. Too many couples think having a child will ease problems when all it does is to make them tired. Does a child deserve that? No.

Just be honest with him about the problems the two of you are having and discuss those things ..resolve them or change how the two of you feel about the problems.. but do not have another child unless you BOTH want it. If you have one and you do not want one... the child will be the one truly suffering.

Answer 5

If you are having issues, than by all means do not have another child! He is being selfish. You told him in advance that you were not going to have any more children and that is the deal he accepted.

If he wants to change it now, too bad. It's a bad situation to have a child in! You are having issues and he is gone from 8am to 11pm 6 or 7 days a week! Exactly when was he planning on being a father? Plus he is breaking your trust by trying to pressure you into something that he previously agreed not to pressure you into (by marrying when he knew he wouldn't be having children).

I'm sorry, but I don't think there's good way out of this. You really have to consider that you may be divorced again, though I hope not. However, if you are, do you want to be divorced with one child or two?

Answer 6

If he was aware you did not want children then stick to your ground. Don't give in. You were clear before you got married and he needs to understand this. He had a choice of not marrying you at that point. You don't want to resent the child if you cave and he does end up leaving you. Also, it you are having issues right now, having a baby now can cause more stress and more problems especially with his schedule. You'll be doing the majority of the work alone anyway and he is the one that wants a child. He should have taken this into consideration and made a realistic choice about marrying you.

Answer 7

having a child is a big life issue. I understand your concern. if you feel that you cant resolve issues with your husband than you should not have a child with him. If he doesnt respect that, then you should let him go. Not having a child will cause drama in your marriege and its not good for the child you already have. You have to do whats best for you because there is a possibility that you may divorce him. I feel that if you have a happy mariege then you are willing to have a child with him. try working it out with him. And you have to remmember that nobody is perfect and that feeling that you get in the beggining of a relationship will always go away because thats just how humans work. its natural. If this is you issues with him then dont leave him because this will happen with everyone of your husbands. and next time (if you get divorced), find a man that feels the same way about dicisions that affect your life.

Answer 8

It sound like he is working very hard to support you and the child who is not biologically his. And perhaps he feels that you are being selfish with him by only taking from him and not giving much in return.

The issues you have now with him may be symptoms of his dissatisfaction with this unequal family relationship. He wants to make it more equal by having a child with you. And your refusal to do so only makes his dissatisfaction worse.

Perhaps he is also afraid that all his hard work and good care may some day be for nothing. Both you and your child can leave him some day. And he'll end up alone just like before, with nothing to show for his hard work.

Basically, you are asking him to prove you that he loves you and cares about you, even while he is working his *ss off to do the best he can for you and your child.

I think your relationship with him will likely get worse and not better, if you keep disbelieving him like that.

Answer 9

Sounds like you need to find some middle ground and if things are a bit rocky at the moment, you may need a physical mediator, like a marriage counselor.

I know it sounds kind of cliche or maybe even unnecessary, but you'd be surprised how much you can learn about your relationship (and yourself) when someone neutral looks at it.

If convincing him to go along with getting help is trouble, explain that it's important. If he's not willing to budge on a solution that is important to you, perhaps the problem is more deeply rooted, and you need to look at that factor as well.

My heart goes out to you and I wish you the best of luck, it's hard to have something like this following you around every waking moment...

Answer 10

That depends to some extent on who's going to be doing the majority of the childcare. If you got pregnant now, you'd have two little ones under two, and that's a lot of work. Even if you wouldn't be staying home with both kids, but especially if you were, you have the right to wait, and you should tell your husband that you want to.

Answer 11

If you do not want more kids and you explained this to him prior to marriage then he should have left you then. It is selfish and rude for him to request that you have his kid parenting is a mutual thing. If you do not want it then do not do it you will regret it and take it out on the child.

If he is going to divorce you for not having his kid your better off without him you have one already he can raise that one like his own.

He married you knowing you did not want more kids he made that choice he thinks he can change your mind really make it firm that you do not want another kid get your tubes tied.

God Bless and Best Wishes pray about it remember having God in your marriage is one the best ways to keep it strong and stable.

Maybe he needs a professional to tell him that you want know more children maybe counselling, time for a mediator.