My fiance does not get along well with his mom. He won't allow her to control his life, so she doesn't stop with the complaining and guilt tripping (bringing up the past). They usually end the phone conversation with her yelling and him biting his tongue and him hanging up. I feel bad for him because he is NOT a bad son. He and I are planning to marry, we haven't told her yet but as he ended his last marriage to his ex of 6 years, all she could say to him was "Great so this just means ur going to re-marry!!" and then she goes on saying how I'm only out to use him - which I am not (obviously) and that if we marry our marriage WILL fail. It's like she doesn't want her son to be happy. I encouraged my fiance during the summer to have lunch/dinner with her - yet she finds any mistake like him being late or something to complain about and always says, make sure you come alone. She always finds a way to make him feel bad and says, "I NEVER wanna meet Stellah, EVER!!" .. we're like "okaaaaay"
2007-11-29 04:43:07 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
..that's fine. But we're both wondering how to deal with this situation. His father LOVES me and congratulated my fiance on finding a woman like me but his father has to make his wife happy so he doesn't ask for me anymore to not make her angry.
2007-11-29 04:44:21 · update #1
My fiance's mom guilt trips her husband (the same way she does my fiance) to get things her way (out of fear of some sort I feel). So he "obeys" her. My fiance would not allow that so she gets mad nd continues with the hate mail and calls. It drains me out, but I stay away and keep my mouth shut. Do you think it is a good idea for my fiance to be around her if she does not respect her son at all? I don't want our future kids to be around that.
2007-11-29 04:47:03 · update #2
Any advice/input would be greatly appreciated - thanks for reading all this and taking the time to help!
2007-11-29 04:48:14 · update #3
I'm a mom and I would feel terrible if my son stopped coming around, BUT you do not need people like her in your life. If she has stated emphatically that she does not want to meet you and you are engaged, then your fiance's relationship with his mother is over! No guilt should be involved on your fiance's part, it is his mother making this decision, he is just abiding by it. You must both realize this, and this is VERY important, she is not going to change. She will always be a difficult person and most likely, if your fiance continues a relationship with her, she will be a thorn in your marriage. So, he needs to do one of the following: announce to his mother with you by his side that he is engaged and let the chips fall where they may or let his mother rule his life forever. Good luck, it sounds like you are going to need it.
2007-11-29 08:07:33 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You look to have thoroughly skipped over the fact of this concern and displaced your anger. the concern isn't your fiance's mom... it is your fiance. awaken, dearie. the guy places his mom's needs above yours. He no longer in basic terms fails to withstand her and stick up for you, yet he continually himself to be swayed by way of her. a greater physically powerful guy does no longer try this. If he's like this now, he will continually be like this. he won't exchange. so which you would be able to the two settle for this and marry the guy, or verify you do no longer go with an entire life of this and flow on.
2016-10-18 08:42:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's a control freak, for sure.
and maybe she doesn't want her son to be happy? who knows? she tries to predict his future by saying weird things, and convincing him he won't be happy... she probably has a great deal of anxiety, too. many people like her have no lives, so they live through their children, etc etc.
IGNORE her... and go on with your life. wishing some control freak mother in law would accept you is like wishing a million dollars would fall from the sky.
just take care of YOU, move forward with life, and do what you feel is right for YOU... yes, ignore her!
2007-11-29 04:50:50 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ignoring her won't help your relationships with that side of the family...consider talking with your soon to be hubby, take in his feelings and maybe get help for your soon to be mother in law, someone that controling has undealt issues. if nothing works, your just gonna have to face her yourself and be controling yourself, to keep her son you may have to show her that "something" put yourself out there and convince her that you are the one for her son.
2007-11-29 05:34:45 · answer #4 · answered by LoStN8tive 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋