How do I get past the guilt of not wanting to be with my husband any longer?

Question

We have been married 17 years and we have 3 kids and they don't care if we are together or not. How do I make the move to end it?

Answer 1

have you tried counseling? Could be a midlife crisis. Try talking to your spouse and see if he would be open to counseling. 17 years is a lot of time to throw away if it has been a good relationship thus far.

However, if that is not an option for you, you would need to decide who is going to remain living where you are now and who is moving out. If it is you moving out you could start researching apartments or places to live. Talk to your husband tell him that you want to separate. Hope it will be amicable.

I wish you luck, this is a tough situation. If you aren't working you should pursue employment.

Answer 2

Why oh why are you feeling guilty? Divorce and relationships are very hard things to handle.

Sit down with hubby in a place where you both can talk. A place where you both can be open and talk freely about this.

Set some guidelines if you do decide to divorce. Like the children are with you a week, with hubby a week, or they alternate days at the other parents house. Agree that the children are the most important thing in this. YOU and your husbands feelings must come second.

Be sure to not speak negatively about your husband in front of the children. They pick up all the negative stuff. And if you both don't like each other, how can the children feel ok with a divorce. They need to know that mommy and daddy are still good people, they just can't live together any more, but they LOVE them more than ever.

Also try to plan the breakup as much as you can. Are you able to move out? Is it better for you the wife to be in the home. Will he give up the home for his children to live there? As I said most important is the children.

It's hard to be civil about a divorce, but if you stay in the house, he gets an apt or another home, then the children will be in their home...not uprooted from that at least....they will stay in their schools and continue life 'almost' as it was.

Lastly....be sure this is what you want....17 years is a long time to just give that up. Although I spent 11 years in an ugly relationship and I am much better off single...although my child is from my first love, not this man I spent 11 years with.

Good luck to you.....be sure to think about this before you act!

You can go back, but most relationships don't survive a breakup and a get back together.

Answer 3

Are you sure this is the question you should ask? Why don't you try to find out what it was that you have lost in your marriage. You have 17 years and 3 kids, will it really hurt for you to try to put yourself back into the marriage and feel the spark again? If you can find nothing in you to do the WORK to save your marriage, then what you need to do is simply end it. Since kids are involved you will never really be "though" with him, but it is best to end it sooner rather than later so you can both get through the healing process that will have to follow this.

Answer 4

If you are feeling guilty that is a sign. Don't ignore it. Unless your husband is abusing you or your children physically, mentally emotionally, financially, etc. then you need to stop and think about this.

Why did you get married? Was there love? If so, with work (hard work) you can find it again. After 17 years you may need to create a new relationship with each other. Sometimes people grow, but they don't grow their relationship and think that it is so far gone that they can't get it back.

Your kids may say they don't care, but if you didn't get married to please them you need to ask yourself and your husband needs to ask himself. Is this worth fixing?

I will not say end your marriage (unless there is abuse taking place) because marriage (like having children) is a life long commitment. When you commit to someone you commit to the bad times (except abuse) too.

When you work together to get through the hard times. You will fall in love all over again.

Much luv,

A

Answer 5

I am a divorcee , Guilt comes with every decision you make. Weather people agree with you or not. I feel we are our own worse critics. Everyone is entitle to happiness. Life is too short to not seek it out. With every decision you make there will be pro and cons. The best way to not let guilt overcome us is to be sure of your reasons for making a decision and moving one foot forward and the other one to follow. Looking back and doubting your decisions will always give you guilt. Know in your heart that you are acting on your best interest. If people call you selfish don't listen. If you don't look out for yourself, who will? No one else is responsible for you but yourself. I had a friend who gave me the best advice I have ever heard. If you are not happy yourself,how can you give happiness to others. If you are frustrated, tired, overwhelmed that is what you are going to portrait to others. Specially to your children. Think of that before you make any rash decision and trust in your heart that you are protecting your happiness. You do nothing wrong by taking care of yourself

Answer 6

Just tell him how you feel. Maybe the two of you are feeling the same way, but neither has been willing to voice it. Maybe you have just lost the connection and need to reconnect.

But by not saying anything you are just hurting each other. Whether your children care or not is really not the issue. They are hurt more by seeing their parents hurting. They are also taught how to have a bad relationship and stay in it by their parents.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 7

If you're sure it can't be worked out, do it because you're not doing any favors by staying. He deserves to be with someone who wants to be with him and vice versa.
I waited until my kids were grown and that was a mistake. My kids said things were better because they finally saw both of their parents happy.
Just think about how you're going to feel when you're 70 and still with him. Life is short and you both deserve happiness.

Answer 8

If you truelly do not want to be married to this man anymore then you owe him to tell him. Have you tried counseling yet or anything like that? There has to be some reason behind it and if it cannot be worked out then yes you should divorce

Answer 9

You act like a grown woman, instead of a child. Sit down with your husband and let him know you want a divorce, instead of telling everybody but him that you're unhappy!

Answer 10

Just do it. Try to remain friends for the kids even though they won't care if you are together or not anymore.