I have been separated from my soon to be ex-husband for 2 years. The reason we broke up was because his family intruded in our relationship too much on top of that we were immature. We married at 18 and had our daughter at 19. He has moved out of state and is coming back for Christamas. We tried to get back together a couple times but he didnt want to move back and I didnt want to move out of state. This whole time I kept telling him to get divorced if we were not going to make it work. He always says "Wait until I am there". I have finally told him I cant be playing this lil game so I am going to file for divorce He told me he doesnt want to. I still love him and want to know if I should talk to him about getting together again or should I file for divorce??
2007-11-29 04:24:38 · 9 answers · asked by chikis01162001 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no, i think the two of u need to have a serious discussion about ur future, to find a solution, one of u has to give up and to move in the other state. even if u were young when u got married now u have a child together and both of u should do ur best for his sake. especially when u love each other.
2007-11-29 04:34:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much effort have you guys put into your marriage here? You say you still love him, but no one ever said love is perfect, nor does it come with guarantees. You're right that you were young when you married, but that's beyond the point now.
The issue is mainly now you guys are living in 2 separate states. That's not going to work long term, and I think you've already figured that one out. In order for your marriage to work, you're going to have to share a roof, and be in the same state. This is where compromise comes into play--and it's a huge part of any marriage that works.
Might I suggest scheduling an appointment with a marriage counselor while he's in town? Maybe talking over your issues with an impartial 3rd party will really help you both shed some light on them. Only you can decide what to do at this point, but divorce is tough. It's going to be hard on everyone.
2007-11-29 04:32:02 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have heard no grounds for divorce. You have two people that love each other letting a little thing like geography get in the way of your vows. Here is the thing, in love and marriage, there is a level of sacrifice, or as I like to say, trading a singular passion for a paired purpose. Marriage becomes a situation that thrives only when two people stop pursuing their singular pursuits and make the best decisions for the couple. One of you is going to have to make the decision to move. Period. This is something that in the arena of marital issues, is one that can be successfully resolved. More couples need to act as if the word DIVORCE does not exist. Take it out of your vocabulary and try to look for other alternatives to resolving your issues. Blessings......
2007-11-29 05:12:32 · answer #3 · answered by jmizzle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, only you can answer that question for yourself..No one can make that decision for you...I feel like whats the sense of staying married if neither one of you is willing to compromise to be together...Whether it's him moving back home or you moving out of sate with him....Whatever it is no one seems to really want this marriage...Loving one another is not enough...Being married is a give and take and it takes work for a marriage to survive..I think you should have a honest and open conversation with him when he comes home...If he really wants you and his daughter to continue being a family then my advice will be to try but, if not then focus on your child and move on..You can't live your life on a standstill because he's not ready to GROW UP...It's not fair to you and to your child...I wish you all the BEST...
2007-11-29 05:15:48 · answer #4 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you both are covenant spouses. You both made vows for better or for worse until death do you part, not until divorce do you part. God said he hates divorce and Jesus said remarriage is adultery.
Forget the idea of filing for divorce. You need to stop being selfish, you need to sacrifice and do what it takes to make your marriage work. If that means moving out of state to be with him, then move out of state.
2007-11-29 04:32:12 · answer #5 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being in emotional and/or mental limbo like this is torture, i know. but the best thing for everyone is that there is a decision made, and that decision stuck with. get back together and make the necessary arrangements to live together. or divorce and get on with your lives. either way is going to take a lot of work and a lot of adjustments. but make the decision NOW!
2007-11-29 04:35:03 · answer #6 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File!!!!!!! He's most likely got something going on where he is now and doesn't want to end that. You deserve all the happiness you can get. Just get a lawyer, file the papers and don't look back. When he's served he'll probably start contacting you trying to get you to "just wait". Don't. That's a ploy on his part. Move on! Good luck to you.
2007-11-29 04:38:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
YOU need to make that decision yourself. To start with, decide if you really want to remain married.........and why
OR, NOT remain married........and why
Then work on carrying out the decision that YOU make!
2007-11-29 04:31:11 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea i think you 2 should talk about this and just take things slow...he shouldnt have let his fam get in the middle of this...good luck and happy holidays
2007-11-29 04:32:52 · answer #9 · answered by God Bless America!~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋