I would like to know how couples cope with the saddness of childlessness?

Question

We have been married for 16 years. I am very fertile, but mu husband is sterile. I would like very much to know other couples having to cope with this.

Answer 1

I was told a few weeks ago that my husband has very high abnormalities in he's sperm, if i were to fall pregnant, i would loose it. I was being checked out at the beginning because of irregularity in my periods, and obvious my husband got checked also, so it was a bit of a shock to learn that he was the one with the infertility problem.

Al my life all i ever wanted was a child, i felt for a very long time that there would be difficulties, i always thought that i would be childless. Its strange how things plan out.

It hurts more than anyone can imagine and there are people that are close to you that sometimes will never know the pain that your going through. Its like you have lost something tht you never had.

I am dealing with it by being strong, its hard, but you have no choice, i think to my self, it must get easier with time.

I would say allow time on your own, and allow time with you and your husband and also time with your friends, and talk about it.

One thing that i learnt and am learning is the more i talk, the better i feel. Its a roller coaster some days are good and some are so bad you don't want to talk to anyone.

Remember your options, you can have sperm donor, or adoption/fostering.

I don't know what else to say, apart from you are not alone, and seek help professionally as well.

x

Answer 2

I really like Chloe's answer. Non judgemental and just offering support, not telling you how great life could be without a child, etc etc - just very understanding.
I was with my husband for 13 years and we tried all that time, he had a low sperm count. We were devastated for the first few years that it wasn't happening but when we had the tests, learned to live with the fact it may not happen. Unfortunately, it didn't work out with us and we separated 3 years ago. It's so sad, I'm nearly 37 now and my chances of pregnancy with my lovely partner get slimmer with every month that goes by. I wish you all the best in the world for whatever comes your way in the future xxx

Answer 3

Hi. I can't imagine how it must feel if you want children and can't conceive for that long! After TTC for 2+ years we were worried it wouldnt happen for us either. It was an awful feeling and I finally decided to stop trying for a while when I found out I was pregnant.

Have you considered sperm donors or adoption? It's not for everyone but once you hold that baby in your arms it doesnt matter if it's not your DNA that made it.

After a really rough pregnancy, childbirth and still recovering after 2 months... I'm seriously contemplating adopting for our next child.

If this is something severely impacting your life I would seek some counseling. It's best to talk through it.

Answer 4

Donor sperm! Probably your best answer! Adopt! Or just do all the things people with kids can't do! Travel loads live life to the full, do some voluntary work in countries where kids need help! Sponsor a child ! There are so many things you can do! Don't sit around upsetting yourself! Get out there and do something possitive! Enjoy your life, please don't be miserable! Life is precious for everyone, not just those with kids!

Answer 5

i know how you feel we've been trying for 6 years nearly 7, it's so hard hearing people say adopt, try this that and the other adopting is so hard in itself it means you accept its not going to happen, even when you've Been through all the bloody tests they give you there's no guarantee of a baby! (i don't think we'd past as we don't really have a good support network of family & freinds),

i have pcos, and we've just found out that my dp has mobity prob (sperm) i felt devistated - i still do) everyday to me feels like ive lost a baby and it hurts like hell, nothing makes it go away - not really. (he's taking vits that might help, were still waiting at hospital, as he needs sorting out if theres anithing they can do, b4 me again, we can't afford ivf)

anyways for you there's still hope, i know its not the same as having your dp sperm but you can have a donner, it's still his baby, you'll be able to have a lovely faimly (TOGETHER) being a dad isnt just something that happens at conception.

and congrutions for being married 16 years xx

please try fertillyfriends.co.uk there brillinat, lovely people xx

Answer 6

I know what its like,,, people telling you not to give up or to try this and that. But while your waiting for this or that the sadness hurts.
I've been there and still am. For me it helped getting a support system. My husband is awesome at this, but sometimes he just doesn't get the frustrations, he is fertile and I have PCOS making it difficult.
I have a great group of friends from soulcysters.com for people that have or know someone with PCOS. try finding that or just someone to talk to.
Dont ever give up or lose hope... believe me I know how difficult that is...

Answer 7

My older sister had a similar problem. They tried for 12 years to have children. They finally decided to adopt.

Now they have two beautiful adopted children and they couldn't be happier. They adopted each child when they were only 2 days old and they totally bonded with the babies as if they were their own. Now their home is filled with children's laughter and love. If you haven't already, you might consider adoption.

Answer 8

why dont you research what options are available to you, adoption??, annoymous donator from a clinic??

I cant help you any other way as i dont have this problem but it must be very hard. There is always help though so find some and see what you can do and ask your husband how he would feel about any of the options

Good Luck

Answer 9

i can understand ur situation. when i was expecting my little girl, my next door neiugbour also become preg. after 16 years of trying, she was so hopless b4 that and gave up hope. but suddunly she found she is preg. it was out of the blue as ( i dont remember exactly) she or her partner were told to be infertile. and now she is mother of three ... u never know when God will cheer u with such a lovly surprise. so cheer up... thats not the end of world.

Answer 10

Have you considered a donor? I'm sure you must have discussed this, but you would have to stress to your husband that this baby is his child, sperm doesn't make you a daddy, love does! As long as he treats that baby like his own, it would never be anything but! I wish you the best!