Can I help her see? She thinks that because some kind of food tastes good for her then everyone else should like it and when you explain to her hundreds of times that "I dont like it", she still says "but its good". She applies this mentality to everything and it is driving me crazy after trying for years to explain to her in everyway possible that people are different.
Another example - she is always usually physically cold - even when it's in the 80 degree range. We live in a tropical climate and on and off for years Ive had to sleep seperate from her so I can use a fan or A/C while she has pj's and blankets - while its literally 81 degrees in the house and humid out. So after literally 100's maybe 1000's of times after explaining to her in every human way possible I can think of that I am hot and I need the fan or AC she will say "but its almost december you dont need AC". This may seem all petty but when you live with it constantly and its applied to everything its so hard. Help???
2007-11-29 03:51:52 · 8 answers · asked by tolinrome 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
That's a really tough situation. I lived for four years with someone who genuinely had no concept of anyone else's perspective of anything, and could not begin to fathom how anyone could experience things differently or feel differently about anything. She came across as rude and inconsiderate. First I tried just giving in to her every whim, but that didn't work of course, because I was miserable all of the time. So then I tried reasoning with her, but to no avail. My final solution was to ask her what her opinion was on EVERYTHING. "How does this taste?" "Is the room too warm or too cold?" "Should I do the dishes AGAIN?" "Does my friend bother you?" etc. It gave me a better chance to know her and be able to expect what she would want. She also started to feel like a gave a shitt what she thought or felt, so she eventually began to show me the same consideration in return by asking MY opinion and compromising.
That may work for you, but then again it may not. You may just drive her insane with questions. But everyone's different, and hopefully she'll come to realize that too!
2007-11-29 04:10:08 · answer #1 · answered by Aria T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried turning the tables on her? Does she like Whiskey? Does she like horror movies? You could use her own words and own attitudes to prove your point.
Next time you're hot, look at the thermostat. Announce "It's 82 degrees in here. That's WAY too hot." And turn on the air conditioning. If she argues, use her logic - It is too hot. She's weird for not noticing.
Here's a good one - you can only take so much off to keep from sweating, but she can always put something else on to stay comfortable.
But use her logic in many areas. Sit down and turn on a horror film (if she hates them). If she complains, tell her that it's a good movie, and that she's wrong. If you like it, then it must be good, and if she doesn't, then she must be wrong.
And don't give up your bed. I hate that a lot of women force the man to "sleep on the couch" just because they're mad or cold or hot or whatever. There have been countless sleep studies, and the optimal temperature for sleep is 60 - 64 degrees Fahrenheit (http://www.qualitybookslibrary.com/50tips.htm). If she’s not comfortable sleeping in the optimal temperature, she can find other accommodations.
I’m sorry to say this, but if she’s unable to grasp the concept that people are different, and what’s good for one person might not be good for another, then it would seem that she has sub-par intelligence. One spouse should not always be the person to suffer in a relationship. She needs to learn to give, and you need to learn to take.
Good luck to you!
2007-11-29 12:13:04 · answer #2 · answered by Becka Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone has someone like this in their life.
You can take both of you to counseling- her to help with her issues and you to learn to deal with it without becoming angry. OR you can videotape her and let her watch herself.
Explaining it to her is not working and it will not work for people like her. They seem to want the last word and to be right.
The very heart of the matter is she thinks she is right and you think you are right and neither wants to compromise at this point.
I would go for counseling before you get so frustrated you want a divorce.
2007-11-29 12:02:33 · answer #3 · answered by bootsjeansnpearls 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a precise answer to your question. I did, however hear a joke that pertains. Husband to wife: "How can you be so beautiful and so stupid at the same time? Wife: "God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me, he made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!" Gain some perspective and maybe a sense of humor.
2007-11-29 12:02:18 · answer #4 · answered by Steve H 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah... I can see how this might get annoying.. but at the same time it's who she is... you would probably be MUCH happier and MUCH less stressed to just accept that this is who she is and not fight it.. instead focus on ways that you can still be happy knowing this about her... I mean.. she's your wife so I'm assuming you love her.. and if so then surely it's worth your time to just accept this and move on.
2007-11-29 11:59:01 · answer #5 · answered by pip 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Looks like it's about time to start accepting her as she is.
2007-11-29 12:00:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok...
you might try same thing to her.
get something she wouldn't like, like chicken leg, tatar(row beef with row egg...it's french!), snail or sea urchin...anything. then you do "but its good!"
about coldness, she might have much colder body tamperer.
you don't need to feel same or like same thing.
accept difference.
2007-11-29 12:18:15 · answer #7 · answered by summerhead 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dad? Is that you? LOL
The fact is that you won't make her see and frustration will only punish you.
2007-11-29 12:00:45 · answer #8 · answered by Lex 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋