What do you do if you don't like who you are on the inside?

Question

It is so much more difficult to change than external appearances and behavior...

Actually the more I examine myself, the more I hate myself -- the more I look back -- I was and still am fairly... well... evil... if there be such a thing.

It is just so hard to change one's will and inner feelings even though one does not act upon them or may act differently on the outside: I'm very selfish, jealous, perverted, angry, narcissistic, cold and empty...

Can you turn on the heat in one's heart?

I'm not externally THAT bad (I come off as an average loner with one or two friends)... But I think I'm internally evil...

What bothers me and hurts is that if people knew who I really am - god... I would just be ashamed...

my question is not so much about doing... its about feeling... I tend to feel the wrong things.

Answer 1

Many of us face this when we look back on our childhood and teen years - that's why they say "kids can be cruel."

What to do: Start acting how you want to act so you can be proud of yourself. Stop doing things that make you ashamed of yourself. It takes practice, like anything else.

Answer 2

You have established what you do feel and that you dont really like that. The next step is to CHOOSE what you would prefer to FEEL.

There is certainly a reason why you have become this way. Acknowledge the reason and then create a PLAN that you can get excited about implementing.

Often the kind of thoughts and behaviors you have mentioned come as a result of being DEEPLY hurt or rejected. It is a protective mechanism. Being cold and empty means that you wont care and if you dont care then you cant get hurt.

If you truly are committed to turning on the heat in your heart then there are many things that you can do. All of them involve helping others. Choose one that you can connect with, feel comfortable with.

Go to a hospital, aged care home, homeless shelter, or volunteer organization and find a way to reach out and help someone in need.

Jealousy is a form of insecurity. A fear of getting hurt. The trouble is, the more we fear something, the more we invite it.

Find ways to feel SAFE.

Also, when you examine yourself, have COMPASSION for the things that you feel sensitive about. We are all human, and we all have inner turmoil about our past actions. If we knew HOW to do it better, we would have done better. Never judge your passed actions with your current values and skills. This is a recipe for disaster.

I am sure there are parts of you that you can admire and like, focus on these things and build on them. Even if all you have right now is to be ASKING such a question, that is a very good first step.

I wish you well on your journey.

Answer 3

Everybody has a skeleton in the closet, most choose to keep it that way, in the closet. Selfish is self preservation, Jealous is normal human nature, We all are perverted in some way, Young male are always angry because of extra testosterone, Narcissistic is good to survive ( it is difficult to go through life thinking you are inferior, narcissistic is a built in defense mechanism ), cold and empty ( you need love in your life).

Answer 4

dude.. we are ALL internally evil.. and good... you can't tell me your inside NEVER has a good thought? And we all have those bad thoughts as well.. granted some more than others.. but the amount isn't what is important.. it's our screens... you have screens that regulate your actions.. and they seem to be working just fine so you don't really have a problem... but IF you just truly can't stand who you are on the inside.. then try imagining what you truly want to be like (keep it realistic) and then start acting like that person.. slowly but surely you'll find little bits of your internal personality falling into place... but remember... you've spent all of your conscious life the way you are now... you aren't going to change over night.

Answer 5

Everyone has equal potential for good or evil, but it's your choice how to think as well as how to act. Start with trying to empathize with others; understand that no one likes being hurt any more than you do. Think about how good it feels just to have someone sympathize with you about things that hurt you and start giving your sympathy to others. Suffering is our lot as creatures with bodies, even people with wonderful happy lives have to face the fact that they will end one day. That being the case, how you react to that and what you do about it are your own choice. You can take out your misery on others and yourself, or you can realize that there is good in the world, there are good people, and you can be one if you really want to. Anger and all of the negative emotions are like fire, very difficult to control and injurious to you and those around you; but recognizing that, you can learn to put them out and you can be aware of the things that cause them and minimize the likelihood they will start in the first place. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was to do my best to become the kind of person I most wanted to hang out with. If you can learn to be content with the person you are, then you will be happy with your own company instead of lonely, and you will be more likely to attract similar people. When you experience negative emotions, remind yourself that they are poison, and you need to mentally spit them out or take an antidote. The best antidote is empathy, for yourself as well as others. It's difficult (the nightly news is full of people failing at this all the time), but not impossible to control your thoughts and to avoid overreacting to your emotions. First take ownership of them, and once you realize they are yours to deal with (not somebody else's fault) you can keep them if you want, or you can decide they are not helpful, and keep only those that are. You cannot change your past, but neither can you live there, so recognize that you can change yourself and your outlook and move on from there.

Answer 6

If you can admit your faults your not really a bad person. You would be bad if you did all of those things and didn't realize it was wrong. There's good and bad in everyone but it's what side you act on which determines who you are as a person.