i'm a 19 yr old woman. i know ppl are gonna get judgemental here but i had no other choice...i had a one-night stand with this guy. he's known to me otherwise and is 21. i got pregnant and had to abort coz i'm still in uni and i didn't want to quit school. to cut a long story short this guy got to know about it and he's very angry with me. it was just a one-night stand....he shouldn't be acting this way. i mean there wasn't any emotions involved. what am i supposed to make out of this. i lost a child...i killed it.....it's weighing down on me and on top of this he's not making things easy. he told me that i should have informed him. but i thought against it.....what he didn't accept it or....
what do i do?? please answer...
2007-11-29 03:30:08 · 21 answers · asked by tina 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
There is nothing you can do to change things or make things right. He has a right to be angry as well because it was his child too and you never gave him a chance.
That being said you need to figure out how to move on. find a councilor or someone you can talk to. Maybe after a session or two you can see if he would come along. You need to remember his loss is tied to yours. You both made the mistake of a one nighter with out protection and now you both need to heal.
I am very anti-abortion, but you are beyond that point now. From here on out you need to make better choices so you do have to be in this position again. If you are worried about school then focus on that for the next few years and forget about sex. That might sound hard but the pay off might be better for you.
Good luck trying to heal from all this and hopefully you and the guy can find a path on which you will find healing from here.
2007-11-29 03:43:14 · answer #1 · answered by Nolestarian 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋
First of all I'm not gonna judge you, I knwo there is that choice and respect any decision people might make, the last thing I want is more unwanted children in the world.
I don't know the full story between yourself and this guy, there could be emotions on his part and he may have felt he had a say in the babies life, I see this as kind of normal, he probably needs time to let the news sink in before he is jumping for joy at the prospect. I wouldn't worry about it, but I also would try and leave the guy alone for a little while, his head will be in a few strange places for some time, I know mine would be.
2007-11-29 11:53:42 · answer #2 · answered by Cassius 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, he is going to be upset that you did that because maybe he cared about you more than you thought. It was your choice. Plenty of people are going to judge you for what you have done, but the truth is, you did what was best for you right now. It sounds selfish, I know, but if you knew that you couldn't give the child the type of life that it deserved then you did the right thing. People can say what they wish, but you have to live with the decision that you made. I had to do it to, but under different circumstances. You are not going to get off the hook as easily as you thought. Just because you thought that no emotions were involved apparently there were. There is nothing you can do to change the situation now, so what you can do is try to be a better person. Be very careful from now on. Make sure to get on birth control and use protection EVERY time. Choose your partners carefully. Live by this rule of thumb, do not have sex with someone unless you can see them as the father of your child. Good luck to you.
2007-11-29 11:40:33 · answer #3 · answered by bonstermonster20 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, the decision you made was NOT an easy one! And for those who say you acted way too quickly & should have told him & made the decision together is stupid! This was your body, your life to live, your mistake having unprotected sex, & therefore your choice. Now, you do have to live with the consequences. And blabbing about what you did so that he found out? - EXCUSE ME??? You are going through the most emotional experience of your life & you are not suppose to talk about it? I'm sorry, that those you chose to speak to were not your friends, & took it upon theirself to spread it like gossip. You did what you felt was in YOUR best interest. There is nothing wrong with that! The guy can go fly a kite if you want my opinion on him. Where was he the day after? Was he standing on your doorstep with coffee & a donute ready to take on the world with you? NO, he jumped in, got off, & walked away... Put this experience behind you as best you can & get on with life!!! Someday, you will be a great mother & you will share the having kids experience with someone who loves you & wants YOU to have his child!
2007-11-29 11:52:56 · answer #4 · answered by T. 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I am sorry about the bashing of the other people posting here, but dear, you have the right to do what you did, it is not illegal, and it is your body to do with what you want. B.S. if these people tell you they never did anything , I am sure they aren't angels. I highly doubt a 21 year old boy is gonna take over full custody, and all the finances of having a child, could he afford it? And why should you have to give up your life for an unwanted child. You did what was best for you so stop worrying. It was a one night stand. People wil always be judgemental as far as abortion and one night stands are involved and I would like to see how many skeletons are in their closets, so stop worrying about what others think. In the long run, you gotta take care of you, no one else will. As far as this guy, let him be angry, I bet he won't be screwing around anymore. We all learn our lessons, even in the most ugliest ways.
2007-11-29 11:57:27 · answer #5 · answered by stacey e 2 · 2⤊ 4⤋
I want to not be judgemental but I will say that aborting a child may seem like the easy way out but in the long run it will haunt you. Your excuses do not hold water, I'm a single mother of a 1 year old in college. It is hard, no doubt, but I'm doing it. Now, to the question. He is mad because he had absolutely no say so in the matter. What if he's against abortion? When it's your genes in the mix you become more sensitive. It has nothing to do with you, but with the child you were carrying. He could feel absolutley nothing for you but love that child. In my opinion, he was owed at least knowledge of the pregnancy regardless of your decision. I suggest you seek counciling b/c I feel like maybe you are feeling the effects of having an abortion psychologically. There's nothing you can do about it now. Right now focus on yourself, get counciling and make sure this never happens again.
2007-11-29 11:41:02 · answer #6 · answered by lmunn09 2 · 3⤊ 4⤋
Frankly, you did the RIGHT thing by not telling him. It was YOUR decision to make 100%. If you had told him beforehand, he could have caused HUGE problems for you.
If his parents are fundamentalist Christians, they might even have hired a lawyer to get a court order to prevent you from having an abortion. This type of thing DOES happen. It would have been a complete violation of your rights, but if they could find a fundamentalist judge, he could still do it you and it would take MONTHS to resolve and cost you a lot money!
He has no legitimate reason to think he has any right to make these kinds of demands on you. You are not even in a real relationship with him! He sounds sick in the head. Unfortunately, there are a lot of other people in the world that are more than willing to support him in that kind of deranged thinking, (as you can see from some of the other answers here).
2007-11-29 13:59:33 · answer #7 · answered by OccamsBattleaxe 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Abortion should not be used as birth control. Ever heard of the pill or a condom? Anyway, he is upset because you made a decision to stop the life of a child that also happened to be his. The only thing you can do from here is to give him an apology and to stop having sex with random people without birth control. Oh and to Bobby M, I hope other abortion clinics do not have quotes such as "no fetus can beat us." You are a sick person.
2007-11-29 12:10:05 · answer #8 · answered by Rivergirl 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
He feels that the destiny or his and your unborn child was partly his to decide as well. Naturally as the carrier of the child, you took the decision unilaterally and he feels (rightly or wrongly) that part of that unborn child was his. His potential in that baby has been destroyed forever. He has lost a son/daughter and heir.
I am not being judgemental but playing devil's advocate here.
There's no putting the baby back now and maybe you ought to say that you're sorry that what you did has hurt him. It won't undo it all, but he feels the right to grieve over his child as much as you do.
2007-11-29 11:36:43 · answer #9 · answered by Gaspode the wonder dog 4 · 6⤊ 2⤋
In my personal opinion it was your choice in the end. And I give you a pat on the back for making it in the end. Even tho it was a one night stand the concept of being pregnant to a guy can be a very emotional thing. For instance you do not know if this guy had big plans for his future. Maybe he told himself that once he got a girl pregnant (meaning his wife, when and if he got married) that that was going to be his one and only. The thought that that is his only offspring and that he made it. Now he has to go through is life knowing that he helped create life and did not even know it exsisted before someone else (meaning you) killed it. Also in the end it is your choice, but if you are pregnant the least you could do it consult the father of the child inside your womb and get his opinion on the matter. Maybe he would have raised the child until you where older? You never know. Because you termanated that unborn childs life without even talking to him.
2007-11-29 11:37:20 · answer #10 · answered by Iris's Lover aka Garrett O. 3 · 6⤊ 5⤋