how do you bring up abuse when your parents dont want to talk about it?????

Question

I'm in my 30's and still can't talk to them about it..................
let it go...........
or confront??

Answer 1

I was abused as a child by a very close relative. Throughout my childhood, teens, twenties, and into my thirties I could never constructively or ideally discuss it with my parents. I would try, but it never worked out well.

The abuse itself was typically down-played, and the effects it had on me throughout childhood, and my adolescence were also typically down-played.

I was constantly told to just put it behind me.

Well, that never really helped.

The abuse caused me to act out in all sorts of ways throughout my young life, and the abuse was never allowed to factor into it, in their minds... I was always just "bad". (Never mind Post Traumatic Stress)

Anyhow, I'm now 33 & I've learned and settled on the fact that abuse must be something that is just really hard for a parent to accept.

It must translate to a feeling or idea that they didn't sufficiently protect their baby, even if they couldn't have. To discuss it means accepting that notion. I have two little boys now, and I can't imagine how guilty I would feel if I missed something bad, or wasn't able to help them while they were in danger...

So I've learned to leave my parents alone. I'm an adult now, and it is mine to deal with as I see fit. It took me years, but about a year ago I finally found a psychologist that really helped me... I had seen others before with little success.

So based on my experience,as far as your parents are concerned, I say let it go... but don't let it go for yourself, find a constructive way to deal with it.

Good luck...

Answer 2

Confront, or you will never heal. Always remember that it is NOT your fault. You did not do anything to deserve it. When you confront them, keep it short so they can't turn you away, "mom, dad, this is what happened. This is how it made me feel. You know I'm only telling the truth" THE END. Walk out of that house and I would go get a beer. Don't make them or anyone agree or even sympathizes with you. Because you don't have to. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Don't carry the victim mentality. Tell yourself you are better and stronger than this, and you WILL be happy. Accept that this happened to you, but it happens to a lot of people. You are not the only one. But you are the one that decides if you allow for it to consume you.

Answer 3

how do you know they don't want to talk about it? and did they do it to you or did someone else do it to you?

if i were you, i would plan extensively and make sure you really know what you want to say. like, for me, it would be "this is what you did, this is how it affected my life." do not expect ANYTHING productive to come from them, because they may even deny it or tell you it shouldn't bother you. so you have to plan for how you will deal with it when they do not respond in a satisfying way.

then just tell them that they're not going to like what you have to say but that you have to get it off your chest. and say what you have to say. then thank them for listening, and go away and process it with your friends, therapist, or by yourself. it's going to rock your world a bit and you will feel weird and satisfied but still unsatisfied. i think that when you do this, the aftereffects on your thinking and feelings are the most important part.

Answer 4

Hun, i'm incredibly helpful that in case you have been to chat to those that handle the scientific care of animals on your area, they might actually handle it and that i actually think of that it is the superb project consequently, fairly. they might press some fines and all and that i comprehend it might desire to sound a splash harsh in the initiating considering they're kin, yet have faith me, it fairly is going to save your dogs and could ward off the heartache of staring at him being abused. Choke chains at the instant are not very helpful whilst it is composed of education domestic dogs. they are in a position to be a splash harsh on them considering they're very comfortable and are very youthful. fortunately, they have harnesses that don't harm your domestic dog in any way and could enable your lil' fella comprehend which you are the single on top of issues. I even have found out this from many previous studies with my domestic dogs (boxers). i'm fairly sorry which you're dealing with this, i'm hoping each thing works out! good success!

Answer 5

I've never confronted, simply because I can't stand to see my mother cry. You can't let go, because its a part of your past, but you can't let it dictate who you are now, either. You can be anything you want to be regardless of your past, so why bring it up to them only to end up feeling guilty because you brought the pain back to them. No thanks.

Answer 6

i say confront them. this is something that has obviously had a profound effect on your life and needs to be talked about. on the other hand, you cannot make someone talk about issues that they do not want to talk about. i would at least try to talk to them about it. if they still are not willing, write them a letter. that way at least your feelings are known.

Answer 7

the word confront brings to mind a battle....I wouldn't confront, might want to bring it up though.......I trust that since you are in your 30's you have been through counseling, but have not come to terms yet.....

Answer 8

TALK TO THEM, get it of your back.

Answer 9

better
talk to them
its your right!!!