I recently married a guy that I once dated before. We were so happy that the opportunity had presented itself for us to get back together, we over looked the little things. Like, how we both had changed over the years.
Now my husband says that he is lost and he feels trapped. Why? This has affected our relationship. There is no romance at all. That drives me crazy. I asked him what makes his heart skip a beat and he honestly could not answer. I know what excites me and I am willing to work with him, but he seems confused. This is not my ideal of marriage at all. We have talked on several occassions, but he makes no effort to meet me halfway. He makes me feel that he is not attracted to me. We haven't been married long and we're only intimate maybe once a week. That's not right for newlyweds or is it?
2007-11-29 03:03:51 · 13 answers · asked by 4meandu 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Depends on your age range as far as intimacy...(and other things). But once a week seems a shame. But its been 2 months for me and my wife (13 years ).
Is this first marriage for both of you? Couples tend to get "lazy" in marriage. The comfort and normalcy of life together make you take the relationship for granted. Let him know your having doubts on the marriage and are wondering if you made a mistake. Don't place blame or accuse, just lay it out.
His reaction will tell you a lot. If he opens up and says the same thing or he is concerned you can discuss how to save things. If he clams up or won't respond chances are he has already decided such and it may be more difficult to save your marriage.
2007-11-29 03:13:06 · answer #1 · answered by scott_v1963 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to have concern's it appears you are another person who jumped into marriage without thinking about it first. I think you now husband did not want marriage but also wanted to make you happy. He feels trapped because of this
it appears he is not truly in love with you and that is why he is very distant. Your right about the sex newlyweds go at it all the time then it does over the years but really I know my wife and I could not keep or hands off each other.
You guys need to seek professional guidance it has gone to far for you too try to work it out on your own. Romance is important but communication is the key if he cannot meet you half way something is wrong. Find a therapist or marriage counsellor and have someone mediate for you guys. If he is unwilling to go to counselling it may just be better to let him go.
I do believe in divorce but if he says he feels trapped set him free.
God Bless and Best Wishes
2007-11-29 03:20:45 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are getting off focus on "marriage is supposed to be" and "right for newleyweds".
It would help you to not worry about what the "general consensus" is on being newleyweds and marriage. Focus on YOUR marriage, and what you can make it. Otherwise, you'll continually compare yourself no matter how good it gets, and there is always something "better" that seems to be the reference point. Understand that no two marriages are alike and it is unhealthy to compare yourself and your marriage to others. You'll always be moping and feeling down.
On that note, realize what you CAN do to help the marriage become much better.
You mentioned how you "overlooked...how you both changed." This doesn't make sense. It sounds like you two totally rushed into marraige without any thought, any spending time with each other, etc.
Irregardless of that now, it is going to help you to not worry about hiim "meeting you half way". You initiate the change. You have power to do so. Remember, you can't change him, but you CAN change yourself.
You mentioned no romance at all, yet you spoke of intimacy once a week. Seems apparent that you are not celebrating the little things that ARE good. Every little victory, good and positive situation is worth celebrating. A mountain is made up of a lot of "little" rocks.
Don't focus on the negative. Force yourself to seek the positive.
Initiate romance that "he likes", rather than what you like. "Win" your husband back into your heart. Don't "expect" him, "woo" him.
Definately buy books on how men and women are made. Stay away from negative people, advice and info.
If he seems confused, then you be the deciding factor! Show him how much you love him and are grateful to have him. Dispell any confusion with your love, and please him. It is a fact, that men tend to need pleasing before being "able" to please back. It gives motivation, direction and permission.
Of course, if all else fails, by all means the both of you see a marriage counselor for help.
Make it work!
2007-11-29 03:18:52 · answer #3 · answered by splashdesign238 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both moved to quickly into the marraige I would seek counseling.
You are not the first to do this btw I am coming to the conclusion that moving in with my bf after a month instead of moving back to my home state may have been a mistake too I know it sucks bad I do have to say though that I am thankful that marraige was never on our minds!!!!
2007-11-29 03:18:43 · answer #4 · answered by ღKrissyღ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like you said, he feels trapped and probably does not know what to do or think. He is also getting used to the idea of being part of a marraige. Try to talk to him about it but don't force him. If you force him, it will push him away. If you think that it could help him, have him go to counseling by himself or go to marriage counseling. If you love him and care for him, try to make things work. Don't fight over the little things that don't matter, because they don't matter.
2007-11-29 03:15:15 · answer #5 · answered by moon&stars 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
feeling trapped on his part and neglected on yours is not what a marriage is supposed to be like. i think that maybe you both jumped the gum at getting married because you previously dated each other and now all the little things that you missed are starting to show themselves. the only thing you can do is try. both of you have to try. if he isn't willing to meet you halfway then maybe it's time to leave.
2007-11-29 03:08:29 · answer #6 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you both got married too soon....you should have gotten to know one another better...especially since you have changed over the years...If you both want to save your marriage you need to seek marriage counseling....You are newlyweds and this is not normal behavior for people who have not been married long...
2007-11-29 03:12:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He now feels like you guys moved too fast on the marriage.
Sex once a week? What's that about?
I'm 7.5 months pregnant, married 4.5 yrs. and we have sex every other day and sometimes twice on Sundays. No that once a week crap is not normal. Seek counseling.
2007-11-29 03:14:33 · answer #8 · answered by THIC007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no. something is wrong.
perhaps he feels you are suffocating him. Or maybe he is just too used to being single.
talk to a marriage counselour. You don't have to bring him with you. Go talk to the counselor yourself at first and let him know you're doing it.
If he offers to come along, then you can save this.
LD
2007-11-29 03:07:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no that is def not normal maybe the two of you should have taken a bit more time to get to know each other before you decided to get married
2007-11-29 03:12:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋