How does one differentiate between the North American Euwaite and the Norwegian Pencil Lemming?

Question

I have been studying the behaviour of both species and they both appear to be excessively hairy and prone to sudden and unexplained suicidal urges. I feel sure there must be a common ancestor.

Answer 1

Personally, I put it down to convergent evolution. The North American Euwaite (which, oddly enough, is completely unrelated to the Australian Youwaitheremate) has been shown by genetic testing to be most closely related to Sperm Whales and is thought to have evolved from a lost migratory pod that were trapped in Hudson's Bay by the last Ice Age and were forced to return to the land or die as the waters receded. Most scientists now consider their famous periodic mass "suicidal" plunges to be due to the triggering of ancestral whale "sounding" behaviors by sunspots or cosmic ray outbursts.
The well-known Norwegian Pencil Lemming, by contrast, is simply an unusually furry and mobile form of sub-Arctic toadstool. It gets its name, of course, from the ancient Norse use of these frequently abundant organisms as writing utensils. In the long Arctic winters, the long pointed "nose" of these hardy fungi was generally hard enough to carve runes into ice sheets and even soft rocks. The famous Viking Edda (or epic lullaby) "Lay of the Lost Mandrill" was actually written across 3 square acres of the Flunbjorg (you'll have to put in the appropriate accentatory umlauts and spinnakers yourself) glacier and then luckily transcribed onto parts of the farmsteads of the three Erik brothers (Erik One-eye, Erik Blue-tongue and Harald Hardrada) which contained large expanses of exposed mica schist, when the glacier (which contained large amounts of oil-containing minerals) caught fire and began to burn away in the year 1427 (the "Year of the Long Dry Spell"). What appears to be suicidal unexplained mass migrations of these little critters is actually simply their method of spore dispersal, as the small "furry" bodies are often seen bobbing in the surf as far away as Sweden and even Finland before they wash up onto a beach somewhere and take "root".
I hope this has cleared up some of your apparent confusion - don't feel bad about that, by the way; many people fall into the same trap of assuming that just because they look identical they must have a common relative. Nothing could be farther from the truth - for a perfect example of this fallacy, consider Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: identical, yes, but one is more or less human, and the other was apparently left here by accident when the mother ship stopped off briefly on its way back to Alpha Centauri. Appearances can be most deceiving!

Answer 2

It is virtually impossible to differentiate the two... Although I must say there is one sure way... N.A.Euwaite will place profanity at least twice in each poem masqueraded as *****. If you see the 5-ahole pattern anywhere in it's writings, BINGO! You got yourself a Euwaite.

Answer 3

Both of my fans would like for me to change the book to a love story. All I know about love is that it hurts. Murder, on the other hand, is full of joy and laughter...

Well...maybe they're right. Let me show you more of my shorts...

NO! Not the suspendered kind...

Answer 4

they both have a thing for titzies...right TD? haha

Answer 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg9hhzAe1MI&feature=related