why do I always dwell on embarrassing moments?

Question

I really need to change. I'm very shy and care too much about what other people think of me. If I answer a question infront of the class my face goes bright red and I can dwell on things like this for a week. My friends think I'm stupid and say i'm too self obsessed. I honestly don't think I can change it's easy enough people saying "life's too short" but no matter what I do I can't seem to gain confidence. People tell me i'm attractive but if i see one bad photo of myself my confidence will drop and I will think I'm worthless and not good enough to talk to anyone. If I answer a question in class I always think nothing I say is of any importance and that everynoe is judging me :( anyone else feel like me and do you have any advice on how to gain confidence? thanks a lot x

most of your advice has been great but people who say "go to confidence classes" well done I could have thought of that myself. I want to find a way to overcome shyness by myself first lol. oasis your advice sucked but I really like everyone else's repsonse. :)

Answer 1

I have the same exact problem. It's not about being self obsessed or stupid as your friends say. I am just as insecure. I try to remember that no one feels the same as I do about me or my body or etc. I bet people tell you all the time that you're pretty and it's hard for you to take a compliment...just take it with you and run! I have hard such a hard time believing people when they told me I was pretty, but just in recent I started to feel okay with myself because their compliments finally got through to me. One bad photo means nothing when you have a lifetime of better photos to come. No one is worthless unless they act on their alleged worthlessness and hide from the world. As for embarrassing moments, they have eaten away at me for weeks, but people usually forget that it even happened! You'd be amazed at how much people forget. I am working on the same issue too. My insecurities have for so long taken fun and happiness from my life, I am learning to just go out, have fun, make fun of myself and keep positive. Just remember, not everyone will remember your embarrassing moments, there is always a good amount of people who think you're pretty, and there is no room for negativity when there's so much to do!

Answer 2

I'm exactly the same way and haven’t been able to change- im still trying. I'm in college now and other people in class will still crack a joke to make you feel bad if you asked a question & I always end of dwelling. Some would call us weak- but we just emotionally cant take it. Your friends who tell you that your 'stupid' well they don't understand what it is like to live our lives everyday. People walk all over us b/c were shy- and we never will do anything about it. It just seems that when I gain even little bit of confidence- theres always someone in life trying to knock me down. As far as advice I can offer, something I've learned through my yrs (Im 19) was that I was least confident in high school b/c most of the day I was surrounding by nasty people who would laugh and make fun of me b/c I was quiet and looked weak- but now that im in college my school days aren’t as rough. I just panic if I have to give a speech, but in my everyday life I come across grown adults and juviniles that are rude- I don’t know if I ever get used to it. hang in there

Answer 3

focus on the positive characterisitcs u have and enhance them like if u hae nice legs then learn to appreciate them and show them off! and also think whts so special about you? for example you might have a great talent in the visual arts or writing etc..and focus on that! we all know nobody is perfect, nobody is good at everything.and most of all do not compare urself to other people, every1 is unique in theri own way. why the hell do u waste ur time and think of wht ppl think of u!? no1 is better than any1 and stop being so self-consious start asking urself why, the more u do the more ul embaras urself so stop.

Answer 4

Find these:

1) Public speaking course or join Toastmasters
2) Confidence building course like Dale Carnegie courses
3) Acting class
4) Counselor or personal coach

You may get a lot out of teaching a course of your own at night school or on the weekends.

Answer 5

Most of these issues will pass, as you become more experiened, over time. When I had my first job after college, I dreaded answering the phone or making phone calls- I felt so self conscious! I felt my face was on fire most of the time because I felt everyone was watching "the new girl". You know what, they weren't. Most of them couldn't have cared less! I was obsessed, personally, and thought they were too. Exposure to different things makes us tougher, so I think as you live your life you will get used to different things and they will cease to bother you.

Answer 6

Hey, I have the same problem, but I have no clue what to do about it. I hate when people say "Don't be shy" but it isn't that easy. They don't understand that I can't help it and just change whenever.

Answer 7

Because you apparently have too many of them.