What does it mean that he needs time to think?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 7months. We are both in 30s and we are both divorced with no kids. We both want to get married if our relationship grows and find out if we are right for each other. We don't know if we are right for each other yet but we like each other very much. I introduce him to my family and my parents don't think he is right for me due to uncertainty of financial future of my boyfriend. (He works but he is not financially stable.) My parents expressed their feelings in a nice way and encouraging me to date other potential people. Honestly, I like him very much but what my parents are saying also makes sense. He has been very cautious in our relationship due to past divorce, doesn't open up with me in deep level and it feels he's distant or hegitant to make our relationship go forward. After meeting my parents, he was in shock and now he wants time to think. What does this mean?

Does this mean he doesn't like me enough to fight for our relationship or he wants to really evaluate our relationship to go to deeper level?

Answer 1

it means you are not the one for him; it's only been 7 months....cut your losses now and move on....since you have already had one failed marriage, now would be a good time to listen to your parents wisdom

Answer 2

I think what we have here is a man who has been hurt before and doesn't want to get hurt again. He is being careful this time because the last relationship he was in ended in divorce, and he doesn't want to make another mistake. I also believe, that he sensed that your parents were not thrilled with your choice and that also gives him cause to ponder. As far as him not being financially stable that is something that you must decide about. If it doesn't matter to you ( and you won't be living on the street) than that is OK. The two of you must talk it out. Communication is the key and you must be understanding. Don't ask for too much too soon or you will just push him away. He had something that he thought was going to last forever only to see it end. He doesn't want it to happen again so that is why he is being cautious. I would just take it slow, after all he did meet your parents, and that's a big step forward.

Answer 3

It sounds like you introduced him to your family too soon. His feelings for you hasn't grown strong enough yet for him to be willing to overlook a strong, opinionated family. Did your family behave rudely towards him? If they did, that's not right and you should certainly have a talk with your family. It doesn't matter if they like your boyfriends or not but the least they can do is treat each person with respect. Sweetie, you are in your 30's. You're too old to be relying on your parents' opinions for your personal r'ships. It's time to find your own voice and your own instinct about these things. It sounds like your own instinct is telling you the same thing as what your parents think. By the 30's, it's time for this guy to be stable - in ALL areas. I understand a divorce can take a huge financial toll on a person. Only you can judge him accurately. Don't try to force something to happen if all the signs point to it not being right.

Answer 4

I think you should evaluate the pros and cons with a lot of objectivity. Perhaps talking to a therapist could help you sort out your feelings. Trained professionals can be a lot of help in cases like these, where you need someone to give you clear ideas. Many times our feelings make us take unwise decisions that affect us later on.

Listening to your parents seems like a good idea too.

While I understand your desire to rebuild your life, it sounds like he's got a lot of baggage with him.

He must have serious trust issues; and if he was shocked after meeting your parents he must be thinking things are moving too fast right now and he isn't sure he's ready for anything serious- at least not right now.

Please consider getting help and talking to someone. The last thing you want now is to have another failed or unhappy relationship, no? Good luck...and don't settle!

Answer 5

Your parents expressed their feelings and you stated that "but what my parents are saying also makes sense." Your parents expressed that they don't believe he is right for you, and you think that makes sense, but don't understand why he won't open up to you in deep levels?

He won't open up because from what I read that you wrote, you are not committed to a deeper relationship yourself after seven months. You don't know if you are right for each other, he has an uncertain financial future, and you understand why your parents think you should date other people.

Give him time to think, because you should take that same time, and think too. After 7 months, would you say "yes" if he asked you to marry him? In spite of his uncertain financial future? Think that part over, and let him decide if he wants to be part of a family that doesn't think he is good enough for their little girl........

Answer 6

One of the things you have to appreciate here is history and time. See, when you're in your twenties and in love, you can fck up it's OK, but once you hit your mid thirties it's time to start being a bit more picky about deciding who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Now look at it from this perspective as well,he's 30 something... still hasn't got his financial chit together, has one divvorce already under his belt and has obvious communication issues, since you don't know what he wants.
I'mnot saying money is everything but I would say with all you're working with here, cut your losses and move on. If he wants you bad enough, he'll let you know.

Basically 008 is right....crude but right.

Answer 7

First of all, money and love are mutually exclusive. There is no connection between the two. If he is financially unstable, there might be deeper issues there. Why are you in such a hurry? I see the word "like" in your pararagraph, what about the word "love"? I didn't see it once. He is having the relationship with you, not your parents. They should have no rights or influence in this regard. What does he need time to think about? Whether he loves you or not?

Answer 8

Seven months is a short time. You both are divorced, probably recently divorced, and are both cautious. This probably makes both of you a little bit closed in ones shell, this is, none truly trusting in the other. It seems like you're walking on thin ice. Give time to your relation. Maybe you both should see other people, have different friends, have other interests.

All the best.

Answer 9

He needs time to think because he isn't truly in love with you. When men are in love they do stupid things like get married. You are both in your 30s and you haven't learned the facts of life. Here they are:

1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage sucks (moving in is the same as marriage)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair

Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want honest answers from a man that doesn't
lie anymore.

Answer 10

Maybe you two are not in the same place right now. For me personally, life is too short. If you need time to think-I'll give you all the time in the world.....cause I'm movin' on.

If he's in his 30's and not financially stable...that's a problem for me unless there's a very, very good reason.

I think you should listen to your parents....even though you are now an adult-they are outside of the bubble and probably right.

Answer 11

Sounds like he is not ready. When the right person comes along there is nothing to think about. It just happens, automatically you know. Being financially unstable really does not sound like a promising future. My grandmother taught me you do not have to marry for rich, make sure you hang around in a rich crowd.