My spouse cheated on me 17 years ago by going out on a date (no sex involved). I forgave, but did not forget - and never let myself fully trust. I have never spoken to the other party. Until...Last week I was approached by the other party who told me that they "felt there was tension between us" (you think?). I am now feeling animosity toward my spouse again - am I wrong in feeling this way?
2007-11-29 02:17:25 · 30 answers · asked by beepbeepwentthecar 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
let it go.....let it go
2007-11-29 02:20:09 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well, it is not like we have that much control over our feelings. Ya know? I wouldn't say that you are wrong for feeling this way. My gosh...You were hurt and betrayed. Having this person approach you just made those dorment feelings resurface. You are not at fault for feeling the way you do. I just love how people say "let it go"....easier said than done and I am quite sure they couldn't practice what they preach. LOL! In my opinion....cheating does not always have to involve sex. Just the thought of my husband sharing his time and emotions with another woman hurts me deeply. I would never get over it if he betrayed me. You ARE NOT WRONG, but I would advise you to just try to deal with it the best way you can without stirring up alot of chaos over it. It does not matter if it were 17 years ago or 17 days ago...the fact of the matter is that you chose to stay with your spouse and work through this. Don't allow it to cause marital issues now. Don't beat a dead horse. Ya know what I mean? With that being said........feel however you feel, just control those feelings. Give it some time. These old wounds will heal........AGAIN!
2007-11-29 10:52:42 · answer #2 · answered by whatshername 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
people get confused and do stupid crap but a date without sex sounds like your spouse wanted to be sure you were the person to be with and 17 years seems like an awful long time to be on the fence about something so I would go with you won and I would proudly stand by my spouse showing that we made it and that this other person was an unmeaning blip and that there is no tension because they mean nothing, as if they were a stranger (it is so fun sometimes to treat an ****** like a stranger, freaks them out, look at the dater like you have never seen/known them, fun fun).
17 years is a long time for anyone to put up with anyone else's habits, give you and your spouse a break and let it go. Kick the insecurity to the curb and have an affair with your spouse................
2007-11-29 11:26:31 · answer #3 · answered by scsspace 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OMG, you're only human, I would feel the same way. I would openly talk to your spouse though and work it through-you need to communicate to sort out your feelings. If you still are having a difficult time getting over it after that, then you two still need to go to counseling. And remember, there was no intimacy involved then, so after 17 years of marriage, your spouse probably loves you unconditionally!!!
2007-11-29 10:26:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You already have forgiven her so forget the past. At least there was no sex, does that fact tell you something? It means sex didn't happen because she loves you. Don't let animosity toward your spouse ruin your marriage npw. You have survived for 17 years, that's quite an accomplishment and I hope you continue to survive it more.
2007-11-29 11:00:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you are not wrong for feeling this way. Whether your spouse had sex or or, why did your spouse go out with this other person? You forgave the spouse, but not forgot. I would make it clear to your spouse that it's still haunting you or you will never get past this.... it's already been 17 years.
2007-11-29 10:22:40 · answer #6 · answered by Nikki 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
There's nothing right or wrong about emotions, other than they interfere with our peace of mind. Naturally, you're upset because this old incident - an innocent one relatively speaking - resurfaced last week when you were approached by the other party. It's easy for me to give advice in this area because my methods work for ME but not necessarily for you. Basically, almost all my attention is focused on Today - not the past, not the future - so that happy and sad things that happened to me are practically lost in my memory bank. No remorse, no regrets. [Edith Piaf is one of my favorite singers].
2007-11-29 10:50:19 · answer #7 · answered by FRANsuFU 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is a normal feeling to have, if you love your spouse of course you would feel hurt by him going out with someone else whether it was 7 days ago or 17 years
2007-11-29 11:39:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am in the same position. I found out that my husband was calling our best friend at odd hours and even though I told them that I thought it was disrespectful and bothers me they continue to do it. They say they are just friends but it bothers me. My husband gets upset because I never want to get together with her and her husband anymore. I would rather not see her ever again and I think it is rude for the lady to think that you could ever possibly be friendly to her. Civil yes, friendly no..
2007-11-29 10:57:33 · answer #9 · answered by Sunshine 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you aren't wrong for feeling this way, except for the fact that it has been 17 years, and you probably should have gotten a lot further along and away from it by now. i'd suggest some counseling, or even take a bit of time out for yourself with a separation.
2007-11-29 10:25:07 · answer #10 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Of course not....talking to the other party just brought up all of those feelings AGAIN and as much as you try to forget..it's just not that easy. Talk to your spouse about your feelings or you will blow up at him and that won't be good.
2007-11-29 10:23:34 · answer #11 · answered by Mrs. Jack Sparrow ♥ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋