my hubby had a bad experience with an ex . she had a baby while they were together and said it was his. turned out it wasnt. she took the baby away when it was 2. so he was the dad for awhile. and he hasnt seen it since. i have a 6 year old to someone else. we have been together for 5 years. i want to have a baby with him. first he says he doesnt want kids. then he says he would because its what i want. then he says he loves babies. he asked what time of year i want to try to have one. and if i want a baby shower or not. i am so confused!!!!!
2007-11-29 02:14:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
maybe he is scared that you may take his kid away form him. Because it did happen to him, even though that kid was not his he probably still cared for the child. Maybe you should have a real heart to heart conversation with him. Maybe hell tell you how he feel and you can tell him how you feel.
2007-11-29 02:20:24 · answer #1 · answered by sweetpea1215 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it'd help to talk with him in a structured way about his concerns.
Start by letting him know that the conversation is about him. It's not about responding to what you want, it's about figuring out what he wants.
Then get him to list all the problems he's had with bad experiences regarding kids and creating a family; anything at all. This is brainstorming. Don't filter (and don't you comment on any of it!). Write all of it down on a piece of paper.
Then go back through the list and get him to talk about all the 'meanings' he has put on those experiences. Write down all of these, too.
Now go through the list of meanings and beliefs and identify which ones are really True, which are False, and which are Don't Know. This can be challenging because we cling hard to stuff we believe. Some hints: Any prediction about the future is a Don't Know. Any "have to" is False (we always have a choice even if the consequences are dreadful). Any "always" or "never" is False (over generalizing).
You and he will find that many of the fearful things he's made up in his head are False. Realizing that can be very liberating. Once he's got his head around that, think creatively about how you two can go forward. Maybe he has some very real and reasonable concerns that aren't getting addressed. How will you two handle them?
Make a plan and write it down. Hang it on the refridgerator so you can refer back to it and adjust it as needed.
Good luck.
2007-11-29 10:16:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is scared of having one because of his previous experience. I say, just try to have one, and if you do... let the chips fall where they may. I think it would be good for him to have an actual baby of his own. As for if you want a baby shower or not... how about waiting till you are actually pregnant to make that decision.
2007-11-29 10:18:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor thing he is confused and wants to make you happy. Maybe the first reaction was no way I do not want to go through that again then the more he thought about it the more he got excited about it. Talk to him sounds like he thought more about it and is in love with the idea now.....
2007-11-29 11:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by ღKrissyღ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is definitely confused and scared from his past experience . I would try to speak to him and maybe ask if he would like to get some counseling . He is still dealing with the deceit and hurt of losing this child whom he thought was his . Good Luck to you both.
2007-11-29 10:29:34 · answer #5 · answered by Ana C pisces1976 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
men are crazy. My husband said he never wanted kids. Then he said he does think we'll have one someday that will be smart and beautiful. Then he says he wants a vascetomy. WHO KNOWS what goes through their heads, hehe. Good luck, sounds like he wants one now, just go with the flow.
2007-11-29 10:18:19 · answer #6 · answered by Brittney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He loves you and wants to make you happy, but keep in mind how traumatized he must have been..to think that he has a child and love that child and then it be taken away and the embarrassment that he must have dealt with. He wants to give you a child, but keep talking and make sure that he's really ready!!
2007-11-29 10:18:04 · answer #7 · answered by Mrs. Jack Sparrow ♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow - is there anyone in town someone in your little production *hasn't* slept with yet?
"Confused" is the word, all right. What a mess. You drama addicts seem to find each other with ease.
*ANYway* - your answer is in the very question you ask.
Go back - read your own words - then think.
Think really hard.
It's there.
2007-11-29 10:23:20 · answer #8 · answered by filthy_crumb 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You two need to talk about this for awhile and really listen to one another. Don't hear what you want to hear, LISTEN!
2007-11-29 10:27:06 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him some time, and make sure that's what he wants.
2007-11-29 10:23:27 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋