What would you do if your husband threatens you with a divorce all the time and when he feels better simply...

Question

forget about it and acts as if it never happened?
But it happens over and over and over...

Answer 1

Sit him down at a calm time, and explain to him that the next time he threatens you with divorce, he better mean it.

Arguments are made to be resolved, and threatening in that way is relationship terrorism, and is in no way productive.

Take a nice good moment and explain that to him. Then the next time he does it - just STOP arguing immediately... simply don't say anything on the topic any further and insist he provide the papers for your signature or spend the next week apologising.

He has to get it through his head... and you have to be willing to call his bluff, because its clear divorce isn't what he really wants.

Answer 2

Living with constant threats is no way to live. To him he feels that is the best way to threaten/hurt you in an argument.

Has he ever appologized? Have you ever told him how much this hurts you? Are the two of you having serious marital problems to the point where he is really considering a divorce and is saying it as more than a threat?

Marriage comes down to communication. I think what you need to do is let him know that what he is saying is hurtful (even though he already knows it...he needs to hear it from you) and that you need to know why he is saying it. Talk in a non-confrontational way. Like over dinner.

I wish you luck :-)

Answer 3

I would most likely look at him when he says he is going to get a divorce and say "Good, then get out!" and tell him to leave the house. Start grabbing his stuff and putting it out the door.

Also, I wouldn't let him act like it never happened. I would most likely snidely bring it up on occasion. (like when he was wanting sex) If he finally got to the point that he asked you why you couldn't forget it happened, point out that it happens too often and you are done with his threats. He needs to stop that behavior NOW. Did he take his marriage proposal seriously or are you just some girlfriend that is going to cost him A LOT when you leave? He needs to figure that out for himself.

Answer 4

I have gone through this with my husband also. Every time things got a little stressed out and we started to argue some, he threatened to leave. That happened for quite awhile actually and then his mom was visiting and psychotically got him to flip out with her and leave me (although she claims to love me and says I am the greatest thing that ever happened to him) driving her to Cali (350 miles from where we live). I told him that if he did this and could not wait for me and us all go down together to get her home to just stay (he packed his stuff and took it with him in the suburban).

I went to the court house the next day, got papers, found out everything I needed to do to get the divorce as quickly as possible (hardcore in Oregon) and started filling everything out. He came home because he could not live without me and he saw all that I did to help him on his way and he no longer threatens me.

It is immature and emotionally abusive to threaten to leave you all of the time and there is not way to work through a relationship problem when you think that every bump is going to get him to leave. Walking on glass sucks so get some carpet. Make your life work whether he is in it or not, invite him to stay, let him know that you wont be able to fight for the two of you if he is going to keep doing this.

and the reason that when he is over it, it appears to not have happened for him, saying sorry or just ignoring it is enough because if he is over it, you should be too which means to me that he thinks that your feelings are wrong or inconsequential, either way about that..........it hardly changes in people who think that way and it takes a ton of effort to make someone see that they do this and that it is not relationship material.

Answer 5

He is threatening you with divorce because he thinks it will scare you/stop the argument, etc. Mine used to do that. I say USED to do that. After a few times of saying, "ya, I think you are right, lets divorce right now". The threats no longer meant anything. For real, next time, just say " cool, lets do it".

Answer 6

Well, I used to do that too. I was constantly telling my ex-husband, "If you don't like it, leave" and other stupid nonsensical things. Your husband is immature, selfcentered, and trying to control your behavior by creating insecurity in you. Since we divorced, and after therapy, I realize that I had no respect for myself, and in turn, no respect for my relationship. He probably is struggling with similar issues. People who value their marriages do not mention divorce-either he's actually thinking that divorce will answer your problems, or he doesn't respect your marriage and gives you a childish answer-either way not good for you. Another possibility is that he watched his parents do this for years, say stupid things like that to one another, and learned by observation that the comment is 'harmless'.

You need to be firm, tell him to stop it, or the next time he says it, you will assume that he is serious and see a lawyer. BUT - don't respond like that unless you are REALLY going to go through with it. Otherwise, you have reduced yourself to hollow threats as he does. Explain that you expect him to value and respect your relationship and that threats of divorce will not be tolerated by you any longer. When you have this conversation, do it in a non-dramatic manner- no screaming, no tears, but in a dead serious fashion. When he knows you are serious, he will either wise up and rise up (and quit it), or he will take you up on it, and you will know that he actually wants a divorce, but wants you to do it for him.

Answer 7

I think you need to straiten him out that he can not do that any more with you. If you love your spouse you never threaten them with divorce at any time unless you have that in the back of your mind that some day this is what you want to do.

Answer 8

Have there been trust issues with the two of you in the past?
You need to tell him that it hurts you deeply every single time he threatens a divorce. Ask him if he is happy, and tell him that you think that he is not , since he keeps threatning you.

Answer 9

Next time he says this to you just laugh at him and say,, Ahhhh Shut the fk up and get the dishes washed , then get yourself all dolled up and go out with some friends and as you leave say I'll see you when i get back if you're still here... Bottom line here don't play his childish games..
ON.

Answer 10

Next time he says this to you just laugh at him and say,, Ahhhh Shut the fk up and get the dishes washed , then get yourself all dolled up and go out with some friends and as you leave say I'll see you when i get back if you're still here... Bottom line here don't play his childish games..