Why do women initiate 70% of divorces?

Question

Are men that horrible OR do many women today have unrealistic standards for their husbands?

I find that women today often have higher standards for men than they have for themselves. I think it odd that in this day and age of "equality" women still want to take more than they give. Men do much more compromising in relationships than women do. If it was up to most men... romantic relationships would be all sex and football. So we compromise A LOT and the few things women give in return they expect a metal for it. Thats just my personal opinion.

But what do YOU think is the reason for this imbalance? I'm sure the root of the problem has to do with BOTH the women and the men... not just the men.

Answer 1

Men screw up more than women. But, women are harder to please, and have less tolerance for imperfection in the relationship.

Women usually need the emotional closeness more so than men. Ever hear a husband say, "you don't spend enough time with me!?!?"

Once kids, jobs, etc. become demanding, and he and/or she is traveling or working late, it's hard to maintain the same quality in the relationship as when life was simpler.

And when that closeness is not present for a period of time, women have a harder time coping with what they perceive as that absence. Their frustrated reaction tends to kicks off a downward spiral. Because she's upset about the lack of closeness, she becomes "a woman scorned" in some ways, becoming more unpleasant.

So, what does the husband do when confronted with an unhappy, angry woman? He withdraws even more, which makes the problem even worse -- because she wants more of him, not less. He wants less attitude and withdraws.

But, he can go drink a beer and watch the game and be content. He's got a higher tolerance for the emotional distance; it pains him less. Men are generally simpler creatures, easier to please.

However, he is also more likely to get fed up with the attitude and find somebody that's "at least nice to him", like she used to be. Then it really hits the fan.

Finally, she gets fed up and throws in the towel. His reaction: Fine, whatever. Thanks for doing me a favor.

Answer 2

There are times when people enter a marriage/relationship with very unrealistic goals and assumptions. What happens then is that one of them finds out a nice little surprise cause the other one assumed it was going to be okay. Then you have the issue of the one-sided compromiser; soon or later the compromiser is going to say "what the heck am I doing?" When he/she comes to that realization that throws the other person for a loop cause they got used to being left off the hook; someone else taking the blame or the full load. This might be seen between the lines; just in case not I'm going to mention any one who takes on or takes in extra baggage into a marriage has a marriage that is doomed from the start, unless both can do some fancy footwork.

Answer 3

"...women still want to take more than they give. Men do much more compromising in relationships than women do."

This is your perception. I submit that many women feel they are in relationships where they give more than their partners do.
The fact that women initiate divorce speaks to their ability to provide for themselves instead of being trapped in a bad relationship.

I think this is a wake up call to men to start putting more effort into maintaining their relationships. Maybe if you put more than sex and football into your relationships, you would not be seeing divorce papers. Face it, when women were economically dependent on men, all a man had to do was go to work to provide a home for his wife and he was considered a good husband. The more he could provide financially, the "better" a husband he was. Now that women can earn their own money, a man's role needs to be a little different. But what I see here is that men don't want to accept any changes in either their own or the woman's role.

There's your imbalance - women seek change, men are resistant to the changes women seek.

Answer 4

I think everyone has an unrealistic standard for marriage and life in general. We think that happiness is some emotion that can be sustained indefinitely rather than understanding that happiness is fleeting and a lasting contentment (not to be confused with complacency) is really what we should be shooting for.

In my opinion, we're really at a point in society on many, many different levels not just gender relations, where no one knows what they're supposed to be doing. No one really knows that is expected of them or what they can reasonably expect from others because there has been so much rapid change. A lot of people are growing up in non-nuclear families so they don't know what a real marriage is. They don't know how to divide responsibilities and work together toward a common goal because these are things that we're supposed to learn from our parents growing up but our parents are divorced and out in the dating scene.

Answer 5

There could be numerous reasons, but excluding abuse & other apparent reasons for leaving the husband:

1- Fairytale-- Women enter the marriage with a fairytale story in mind, starting it off with the white dress and the wedding. Most of the time we think that fairytale will continue...and are not prepared for realities of life....so when we're faced with challenges, we're surprised and think we shouldn't have been there in the first place...

2- Too young-- When you don't know yourself and what you want out of life, it's hard to pick the right mate for yourself. Some of us got married too young, for the wrong reasons, to a man who may be lovely, but just wouldn't be a good match for the rest of our life. It's hard to make such a life-time commitment being so young and cluless.

3- Emotionally needy--Like Steve said, we have less tolerance for emotional distance. We're emotionally more needy than men. You feed and sex the husband and stay nice, he'll more likely stay happy. In a marriage, ups and downs, work, life, kids, issues, come in the way of that emotional closeness we need, and we become very unhappy.

4- Lack of financial need- It's easy to walk away, because we think we can live better independently. We have been taught that the only big need that matters is money. If you make good money on your own, you don't see a reason to stay unhappy, whatever the reason for your unhappiness may be.

5- Definition of marriage--The institution of marriage doesn't mean much to our generation. Marriage is just a formal committed relationship that can be broken up if things are not good enough. It boils down to getting your own place, $250 and a signature.

Answer 6

i actually looked this up, and this is what i found (in various sites, btw, but i cite the one i quoted)
"Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. One recent study found that many of the reasons for this have to do with the nature of our divorce laws. For example, in most states women have a good chance of receiving custody of their children. Because women more strongly want to keep their children with them, in states where there is a presumption of shared custody with the husband the percentage of women who initiate divorces is much lower. Also, the higher rate of women initiators is probably due to the fact that men are more likely to be "badly behaved." Husbands, for example, are more likely than wives to have problems with drinking, drug abuse, and infidelity."

also, i find several places that state unrealistic expectations and incompatibility (as well as infidelity) being the top three reasons for both genders initiating divorce (in varying orders), and age at the time of marriage seems to be a factor as well.

[ i also wanted to add, please, that i hope you don't think that ALL women have higher standards for men than themselves, take more than they give, and won't compromise as much. just as not all men would prefer only sex & football. :) ]

Answer 7

According to the largest-ever (and federally funded) study done on divorce and child support, in a marriage with children, the number one reason women divorce (which is actually higher than the 70% quoted) is because they don't feel loved, grow apart from their husbands or realize they share different goals. The short answer seems to be that women have unrealistic standards for their husbands BASED on a fairytale ideal of marriage.

It is quite possible that if custody, child support and alimony were handled in an equitable manner, women would be less quick to decide to unilaterally end the marriage.

Answer 8

I think there are many factors that play into this. I had a friend that married this girl and had a child, and he loved her and his son dearly. She wound up feeling as though she married too young and divorced him to go play.

I have another friend who married a guy when she got pregnant, and didn't realize how bad he was with money. He wrote checks knowingly on closed accounts, he borrowed from friends - and now he's in rehab. They divorced because she couldn't handle two kids and an addict who spends money they literally didn't have.

And then there are those who leave simply because they aren't happy. Everyone has a story I'm sure...

I think most people have high standards - perhaps both everyone should just stop getting married!

Answer 9

Glad you made the concession that the root has to do with both genders lol....

There are probably lots of reasons. Marrying too young has ALOT to do with it. Many young women are in love with the idea of marriage and family, but don't always make the best choices for a mate. Not that the guys are bad guys, they just may not be 'the one' for long term happiness.

Another reason is connected to the first, and that has to do with unrealistic expectations - again, a result of youth and immaturity.

Answer 10

Well, nowadays, most families are financially forced to have 2 incomes, so both parents work...

When they come home, often times it is the woman who is expected to entertain the children, while catching up on laundry and cleaning, and cooking dinner, and cleaning up afterwards..

And the weekend comes..

Often the man is free to watch college football on Saturday, and NFL on Sunday, or maybe go fishing, have some drinks at the bar with the guys..

and it is just expected that the woman stays home with the children and makes meals, does the cleaning, etc...

I would be MISERABLE in that situation..However, I am going to be very honest with my man about this before marriage, and if we do not have compatible views, then I won't marry him and set myself up for imminent divorce.