my wife and i are split up. here's the deal. we constantly argued over having another child. we had 3 already. marriage wasn't going good and i said let's wait until we're back on track before we go down that road. she then had a temper tantrum, said she'd get artificially inceminated or adopt if i wouldn't have another one. she even had one with another guy out of wedlock before we met. so i know her stance on things. Two months later she tells me she's pregnant. she was and she told me that she knows what she needs to do....have an abortion. what????? i told her why don't we keep the baby. she gave me all these lame excuses as to why she didn't want it. so i ask you, after all that and her telling me she'd do whatever it takes to have another one, why did she want an abortion? I know the answer to the question logically but want to know what conclusions others draw.
2007-11-29 00:17:33 · 29 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It wasn't your baby...........That is what I get from this.
2007-11-29 00:20:18 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure but I think that Bree has a pretty good point. Maybe she realizes that bringing another baby into an unhappy, unstable home is not going to help. I know that abortion is not the popular answer and that I might get some retaliative answers for this but babies don’t make everything better like some woman have been either nurtured into believing or nature has called and forced their biological hand, so to speak.
I have two teens and now a 16 month old, perfect and amazing as ever, and I could not imagine life without her or them, they have added so much to my life but I am always concerned about getting pregnant, my birth control not working for some reason, as much as I love my family another baby would send me over the cliff of crazy for sure and not only would I be no good for that baby but my family would suffer from having a crazy mamma (more crazy than I am already).
I am not saying in any way that I would have an abortion because I probably could not but I can empathize with a woman who believes she has no other choice, especially one that wanted another baby and now she feels she cant have the one inside of her.........I would be so sad if I were me.....
I bet she is torn up bad over this and I hope that she has some strong support to help her through this, including you of course. Oh and never forget the great hormonal emotions a pregnant woman can go through, it can make some real crazy and it can be different with each pregnancy, age can change a lot of things, I know that one for sure.
Good luck to you both, I hope that you two can figure it out and find your peace and happiness (as I hope that for us all). S.
2007-11-29 01:09:37 · answer #2 · answered by scsspace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cant answer your question, but here are my thoughts.
Looking at the emotional state of your wife, is she stable enough to deal with another child.
You probably love her still whether you actively think it or not, you care that she is ok.
Arguing is emotionally draining on you and your wife and probably affecting you currently children now.
It is not fair on the baby to be born into an unstable environment.
Temper tantrums can take their toll, change you and give you a stressed and depressive outlook on life
When a baby is born, you may think that it will solve some issues temporarily.
Although the moral issue of abortion is something of debate, it has to be an option if you cannot provide for the baby, provide a safe and stable environment or will give more stress and problems if you argue more and more.
I think your wife is trying to use babies as a means of happiness, mothers love their children, it is a good feeling, I think she is addicted to that feeling and needs it more. I am guessing that she is always stressed and unhappy. Having a baby is not the solution. She wants an abortion because she realises that although this happiness is good, she cannot emotionally/financially provide for the baby anymore.
2007-11-29 00:26:38 · answer #3 · answered by dowsann 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she came to her senses and saw what a nightmare it would be to bring another child into an unstable home. Maybe she knows the marriage is over, and is scared at the thought of having 4 children by herself. Try to convince her to go to a counselor before she does something she might regret later. If the thought of another baby is too scary right now, she might be willing to go the adoption route. Some loving couple would pay her expenses during the pregnancy. She sounds very confused, seek professional help.
2007-11-29 00:24:56 · answer #4 · answered by bree 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is just a form of manipulation. She wants to hear from you that you want to keep the baby, she wants to have you argue the point with her, and feel that control over you. That the only reason you guys have the baby is because of YOU, NOT because she went and got pregnant fully knowing the situation. Sorry about your situation. You are a good man for wanting to keep the baby...maybe you should keep it, without her. Good luck!
2007-11-29 00:25:07 · answer #5 · answered by Smiley 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When a relationship reaches the point where it is an act of sociopathic behaviour, it causes immense damage to the relative sanity of all those involved, including the children. Time to leave it all behind and try to let her get herself sorted out. You are not going to change her, her behaviour or her attitudes. The only thing you can change is how you react to her. Walking away is sometimes all that is left.
2007-11-29 00:25:32 · answer #6 · answered by Col B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you didn't want a child, she did. she managed to get pregnant (be sure it is yours), by saying she wanted an abortion, she got you to commit to having the baby and saving the marriage. She played you, now you are stuck with her and another child. You should get a vasectomy ASAP, whether you stay with her or not. If not, you are going to have more children than you can possibly afford in your lifetime.
2007-11-29 00:26:57 · answer #7 · answered by tequila lucky 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She sounds a bit confused to put it politely. You have to remember something about children...they don't stay that way...they grow up. so even if you have 20 kids eventually there will only be the two of you. Is there enough love and commitment between the two of you to sustain a relationship aside from the children?
2007-11-29 00:22:56 · answer #8 · answered by Yuki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grrr, women flip flop like that all of the time. THe best advice I can give you is NEVER try to think the way a woman thinks, it'll drive you mad!! I would ask her what her feelings are on the issue. They like that stuff. I would keep the baby as well.
2007-11-29 00:21:35 · answer #9 · answered by daveypa22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At a rough guess, it's going to be blatantly obvious that the child isn't yours - possibly obvious just who actually *is* the father. Presumably your existing kids will figure it out too.
She's playing head games. Walk away, and take the kids with you (inc the one that's not yours). They need stability, not a promiscuous head-banging trollop in charge of their lives. You deserve better too - starting with a partner who doesn't screw around the minute she doesn't get her own way.
2007-11-29 00:47:01 · answer #10 · answered by who me? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your wife finally realized that you are right after all. She does not want to have a baby anymore because she is convinced that she has to wait as you said, "wait until we're back on track."
2007-11-29 00:33:15 · answer #11 · answered by Prof F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋