how to approach this the right way?

Question

my husband &I met a two years ago. we got married after a year.he was good guy , was good at givng attention.just after we got married ,he accidenatly sent me a txt mgs that was meant to got to one of his female firends&it said how he was proud of her &that she was one of the most beautiful woman he has ever seen , she had just won a modeling context.I talked to him about it &he said he would make sure he did not overstep this friendship.well, this just sent red signals to me &I started cheking his phone.I realised that he was a bit infatuated by this friend &I thought well, it just will blow over but let me watch him. well ,it got worse and I kept on checking .he knew I was checking &he kept on going , even began to meet other women online thru hi5 etc.well ,I was hurt but did not ask him coz I hoped it was a faze that wld pass.it hurt our relationship.during this time , he lost his job, I did fret but as a wife I felt it was my role to have his back.I made a bit more than him so I

payed for everything in the house since I have always be financially independent of him.I lost my job coz of all the strees with him and the other women , but I had a 401k and leave days so I used that to take care of the houe, etc.I got a job befire he did , and I continued to take care of him,everything a wife is to do . he went on with his escapades.we got him a new truck , and it broke down afetr two weeks , since I worked closer to home , I began to use the bus , he used n=my care ,which I bought b4 I met him.finally , we sat down and sorted out our issues. we decied that I stop the snooping and he stops his other relationships . he never saw this as cheating because he said I did not trust him and he wanted to prove too me that if he wanted to cheat , he would so it was my fault.I loved him and took this.I still felt insecure so Ichecked his phone again and he found out, sending us back into playing stupid games.well , we soted it out again this time , I stood to my word.

he got mad at me over a petty issue 4 months ago and he went out. next thing , he called me at four in the mroning to tell me he had been arrested.he got into a bar fight and hit some one with a bottle , felony aggraveted assult.I bonded him out with me as surety ,while he ws in jail , one of his flings called and told me what they had done. I asked him about it and he appologized &said it was in the past.well , six weeks ago, he wrecked his truck , it;s totalled , Im the main signer.i never bothered him about tis even though it puts us in more debt.last weekend i found him browsing pictures on face book of a wman. I told him it made me uncomfortable and he got mad saying now he cant have any friends .he said I have issues , he is tired of them .he has not spoken to me since , even thought I treat him like a king.Im tired of all thsi , &need him to knw.so how to I tell him this , without hhurt or malice.I love him very much.he also has a case coming for te accident .Im supportiveof him

Answer 1

Why are you being such a door mat for him. You say you saw all the red flags, but never said anything because you thought it was a phase? Are you crazy? I would have demanded communication with his "friend" stopped with the first text I saw. You are his WIFE. Stand up for yourself. Supporting him when he lost his job is one thing, depending on why he lost it, but as far as all the other stuff goes, he would be out on the streets if he was my husband. There are some things that a married man just doesn't do, and there are some things that a wife just does not put up with.

Answer 2

I think you are an angel to put up with him. Your husband is not only continually cheating on you by shopping around online like he's single.. but he contacts these women and sometimes has flings. It hurts to invest so much time, money, thought, love into a man, and it's just me... but I think you deserve so much better. It seems like you are an intelligent woman and that you are capable of being a success at your career if you are supporting the family by yourself, but your retirement account is getting depleted, and you are now responsible for a truck that's totaled because of your husband. Instead of using your energy to keep tabs on his cell phone, use it to dump this man and stick up for yourself. Reorganize your life and start over because your husband has absolutely no respect for you and honey, it is going to be hard but hang in there and don't let anyone treat you this way again. Best of luck..

Answer 3

Stop..stop..stop! Forget what he's doing...why are you abusing yourself. You are supposed to be this mans queen his muse. There is no mutual respect, no honest communication, no trust, no passion the list goes on and on and the #1 spot is there is no relationship here. All I can see is a woman who's managed to convice herself that her self worth is determined by having a husband (not a good husband just a husband) You have power and worth. If you love this guy soooo much let him go fufill his fantasy as a single man

Answer 4

MAYBE YOU ARE TOO SUPPORTIVE AND ARE GIVING THE CAKE TO EAT IN HIS MOUTH. Let him be a man once, don't be the provider anymore. he doesn't respect you nor are you. What's wrong with you ? You love him, but it's not enough. Do you feel loved in return ?Let him take responsibility for his actions, stop provisioning so he'll find a decent job and will regain respect for himself. He might also act silly like this to take revenge of you being"better" than him. you're NOT the MAN of the house. Go back to you wife's splace, not the one that is SUPER WIFE? BUT NORMAL WIFE. STOP TAKING CARE OF HIM AND START DOING SO FOR YOURSELF. hE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM OR LET THE OTHER WOMEN BOTHER AS WELL WITH THE CRAP SINCE YOU SHARE HIM WITH THEM. Love and respect yourself for Godsake !!!

Answer 5

You husband is not a child anymore so you need to stop "babysitting" him. If he wants to destroy his life because he doesn't see the value of living as a married man, he is to be blamed and no one else.

Since he refuses to take the responsibility of uplifting your life as his lawfully wedded wife, you now have to take the role of uplifting yourself and your relationship.

Focus you attention on finding and keeping your job and stop supporting his financial needs (meaning ALL HIS FINANCIAL NEEDS!) You can tell him to find work to support himself if he doesn't want to support you. You cannot stop what he wants to do. You have no control over his mind. However, you can take control of yourself.

Stand up alone and keep moving. Be kind to yourself and strive to be happy! You only have one life, so why live it miserably! If he wants to go down the drain, you can just watch from a distance. Never go down with him! it's not worth it!!!

Answer 6

truth: he does not love you... truth: this is all considered cheating, even if he never had sex w/ any of these women... he knows it hurts you, yet he does it anyway! he does not give a rats butt about you 1 bit! truth: while you were out there working your butt off he was at home playing around online w/ women! he's a loser, and a poor excuse of a man... he deserves to be alone for the rest of his life! let this man go, dump him... you deserve a real man, this guy is an idiot...! how to approach it? dump him... he will never stop this crap... =(... this man is a boy who needs a freakin' babysitter when you are not around! =(...

Answer 7

u may have unknowingly fuelled the relationship by making too much of what was a congratulatory message to a friend who had just landed a good job. if this was a male friend he had congratulated u would not have bothered u sent the signal "I don't trust u" by constantly checking his messages. and he reacted by getting in deeper. its the same way when u were a kid and ur mum told u 'don't do that' u found ways of doing it even if ur heart was no longer in it. thats why he lets u see what he is doing- just to get back at u.

admit to him that u became obsessed about the whole thing but that u really feel bothered by their friendship. then let him decide what his relationship with the lady actually is and whether she is worth the loss of ur relationship.

Answer 8

i suggest u just ignore him at every ocassion n do urself what u wish. don't show him that u r cheking him but keep watch. if he loves u he will certainly return back otherwise u hav 2 decide next step.

Answer 9

Why aren't you the most beautiful woman he's ever seen?

Answer 10

Don't you think you have been a doormat long enough? LEAVE this idiot!!!