Just another confused poem..i'm not sure what made me wrote this...i dunno..do you appreciate it?

Question

Cry

Will it matter if
we bleed our selves dry?
where our souls must drift
will it matter why?
would their stiffened lids lift?
to watch us sore above the sky?
or drown in the abyss of the deep?
will they even care to lie?
can their eyes dare to weep?
are they brave enough to say goodbye?
come now child and this concede..
time waits for no one...not you nor I;
we are but a disrupted chip..
a separate and lonely unit.
So tell me again, why is it that you cry?

@Elaine
Oh yeah..."to watch us SOAR above the sky..
right! thanks! :)

Answer 1

I really like the antithetical images of "soaring and drowning." [BTW--it's soar, not sore]. I also always like the idea of asking the reader questions; this accesses his/her imagination and helps the reader to focus on the poem and answering the questions. Also, by ending the poem w/a question, you nudge the reader to examine his/her own emotions and to compare them to the emotions expressed in the poem. This was an especially good one!!

Answer 2

Soilders Leaving For War ---"Are They Brave Enough To Say Goodbye"

We Bleed Ourselves Dry --- "Dying In Battle" Family Weeping For Wounded And Fallen Comrade"

Congress Changing The Current, Lifting An Inkpen And Sign A Legislation To Withdraw Troops--- "Would Their Stiffened Lids Lift" (Inkpen) Going Against What They Thinks Right (Stiffened -- Rebellious)

America Being Exalted, Like The Eagle That Represents This Country, Pride. Fighter Jets --- "To Watch Us Sore Above The Sky"

America Failing, Withdrawling From Battle Signals, To America, Giving Up, Weakness, Opposite Of Eagle, --- "Or Drown In The Abyss Of The Deep (Surrender Amidst Other Nations, Makes Us Seem Easily Persuaded Under Pressure, Targeted.

Obviously, The Leader Controlling This Battle --- "Will They Even Care To Lie" Symbolizing Consciousness Of Lying, Don't They Care What Lies Our Doing, Weeping...

Crying, Dropping Missiles Or Bombs Over Countries --- "Can Their Eyes Dare To Weep" As Tears Hit The Floor Or Drop, Etc.

Flattery, Coaxing, Concealing The Greater Issues, Pretensing To Care For The Child, Whilst Blowing Up Millions Of Iraqi Children --- "Come Now Child And This Concede (Really Asking The Child To Fail, Hand Over Victory To Opposing Force)

Notice The Child That Was Asked To Come, You Blatantly Said Time Waits Fo No One, Not You Nor The Child, Illuminating The Fact That Everything Said Was Superficial.---
"Time Waits For No One...Not You Nor I;"

The Sins And Deeds And Effects Of Battle Is Causing The Nations To Feel Inhuman, But With Some Power, For Chips Carry Power Of Different Levels --- "We Are But A Disrupted Chip.."

She Is Left Desolate As The Other Nations Who Committed Whoredom With Her, A Whore ---"A Separate And Lonely Unit"

Alreading Knowing The Situation, But Now Caring, But As Formalities And legalities Exist, You Have To Ask --- "So Tell me Again, Why Is It That You Cry?"

Why Is Millions Of Orphaned Iraqi Children Crying? I Think She Already Knows, Why!

This Poem Is About War, Battle, Casualties, Orphaned Children, Desolate Cities Needing Rebuilding, Etc -- Through And Through...

Good Poem, Very Good, Thanks For Sharing!

Answer 3

I do agree time waits for no one. Not even the people to that matter to many as opposed to the people that matter to few or none. It seems that you write of the few who believe the world cares not for them. Whatever happens to them will not matter at all, so they feel. In the end it is these beliefs that are crushing there sanity and for that they can only cry. There upside is they can cry as opposed to the some who dare not. Yes or No?

Answer 4

No, this free verse poem is not confusing at all. You ask important questions in a simple way...very good! Some of your images are way good...and some need to be concrete. By that I mean taking out all the unnessary words and making this poem 'compact'. e-mail this poem to me and I can help you with it, [e-mail]. Elysabeth Faslund...Poemhunter.com

Answer 5

I loves your poem as i love all your words you say; you have a god given talent to put your words down some others can read and see our selves in your words too,your great' keep writing.,

Answer 6

well written. it is real deep, dark, and moving. you are a good poet. I read your other stuff as well. poetry is about what you think and feel. and you express it well. one question though, why do you feel so down. good poetry none the less. I will send you a hug. cheer up and write a poem about your happiness.please do it for me.

Answer 7

This is beautiful. You have asked 'What is Beauty?' in many ways in some of your previous questions. This is a fine example of it; just incredible.

Answer 8

I am sorry but it is hard to believe .you wrote this poem .

for some one who asks a question the way you did ..and write a poem the way you did .don't make sense ..

the correct phase , i am not sure what made me write this

Answer 9

Very nice poem, needs maybe a bit fine-tuning here and there, other than that very nice (if you did write it yourself). Keep it up.

Answer 10

wow. that is beautiful
i offically look up to you now!!!
that is amazing good.
Keep Writing!!!!
:]