Saw my son looking at porn?

Question

I was walking past his bedroom the other day and noticed that he was looking at porn, I don't think he saw me. He is 14 years old. Should I confront him about this? Is this normal or completely inappropriate? Should I punish him, or what should I do? Any help is appreciated, thanks.

Answer 1

Are we talking magazines or Computer here?
Do not confront him although I suggest that you have words about him keeping him his bedroom door shut when he is in there.
I will probably get reported for this but perhaps he left his door open to see his mum's reaction a lot of children try it on.
At least he wasn't masturbating with his door open lol
Good luck

Answer 2

At age 14 it's pretty typical. The bigger concern would be that you have already developed open communications around sexuality and have discussed the important issues like pregnancy, std's, etc. How people learn and develop sexually is a greatly varied experience, but knowing that when they DO have questions that there is an adult that the can talk to is most important.

imho, punishing someone for exploring their sexuality is a definate doorcloser on open communications. It sends a message that he is BAD for having sexual desires and in the end would be destructive to his emotional development.

Answer 3

Haha, my mom thought that my brother took unusually long showers because he was "cold." I was like, uhhh, why do you think he is in the shower for 20 minutes? You really think it's because he is "cold'?

I think it is normal to a point. Some people can become "addicted" to porn and it gets them all out of whack as far as how women behave in the real world. I would not punish him, he will be mortified and it won;'t really help - but you should talk to him about how to treat women and that there are some women out there that are promiscuous and that is not healthy for him.

Answer 4

Most boys start getting interested in porn around 13-14. It's very common and not a problem.
However he does need to learn to be more private.

Tell him this:
The other day I saw you looking at ---when i passed by your room. You shouldn't do that too much and if you do, you should close your door and do it in private. It's not polite or appropriate to do it in public.

I think that would be best. Whatever you say he will keep doing it (trust me- 110% sure), so the best thing to do is advocate privacy.

Answer 5

i would have a sit down. tell him what you saw and ask.... him to discuss... what he thinks about the whole thing. you will be able to determine whether he is just naturally curious... or obsessed. you can put your two cents in...about not having this consume his time and energy.... do not degrade or punish... by no means.. do not make it seem dirty... that would be a expected response. be cool about it. but get your point across that anything in excess is harmful. also remind him... that if he is interested in venturing into adult type activities such as this magazine..you expect him to act mature in discussing this.,not only with you..but anyone else he chooses to discuss this with. also point out the differences in the women in the book and the girls he will encounter and the respect he must have for them as well.

Answer 6

Personally I think a sexual curiousity is perfectly normal at that age. And I don't really think that there's anything wrong with pornography (at least the normal stuff). As long as he's educated properly about sex and he's able to develop healthy relationships then I don't see any reason to intervene.

However, if you believe that porn is immoral or just that he shouldn't be watching it at his age, then just telling him that you saw him would probably be sufficient punishment. You could have a frank discussion with him about it and I imagine he'd think twice about doing it again, although he might just wait until he knows you're not around. Really if you can't convince him that it's in his best interests to abstain from it, then there's not much you can do to stop him altogether.

I'd say it's best to let him be.

Answer 7

Completely normal.
If you feel it necessary to say something, just tell him that if he is going to read that kind of magazine, he should close his door. At least then he will not be so embarrassed. Don't say it in front of any of the other family members, however.

Don't go into a speech, or it will be hard for him to talk to you about other things. In another year or so, he will probably not be so embarrassed because he will be more mature.

Answer 8

Anne,

No question but you should try to eliminate porn from your son's diet. While he is naturally curious (especially at that age), if he persists, he is going to get a very distorted view of how things are supposed to work.

I have five boys of my own and even though I have provided all of my children with lap tops, to connect to the internet they have to physically plug into the cable modem in the living room where everyone passes or spends time. If you have a wireless router, put a password on it to keep the kids off of the network, make sure the only access that they have is where you decide. While I trust my boys to a point, the older ones have quietly agreed with the policy, the younger ones never have questioned it, it was in force for as long as they can remember. I have explained my reasons for them refraining from such sites and explained that while their computers are theirs to use, I reserve the right to inspect them from time to time. (I have yet to execute that right, I have never seen any indication that they have violated my trust in them.)

Talk to your son about how important it is to have trust in human relationships and that if he were to start acting out any of the things he saw, it would reduce his ability to connect to the sort of person who he would want to spend the rest of his life with -- no one wants damaged goods. Porn can be addictive and damaging, causing the victim to view themselves and others as toys or tools of gratification or even objects to used for sexual abuse. I have seen it break up marriages on several occasions, and it would be hard to calculate the damage that this can cause.

Hope this helps.

Answer 9

I remember the first time I found a nudie mag under my oldest son.s bed.Then my second and third son did the same thing.Its just a learning experience for them,it is pretty normal Im thinkin .I never said anything,because I thought it was just part of growing up,and they are fine so dont sweat it.

Answer 10

Pl No. dont let him know n remove the material /internet or any other but talk to him at a proper time. Dont show otherwise he will get violant.
Understand in which world now u live.Its common ,u can control to certain extent. Better face the reality. Wait n watch.create emotions in him towards his parents. Dont neglect him . Still u feel ? may be u can ask for another openion but not on internet .Pl .