How do you decide whet er it is the right thing to do to punish your children by spanking.?

Question

I watched an Oprah show the other day where she stated that she does not want to do shows about this subject, because it is not a normal way to punish your child. My opinion, there are other ways to disipline children like time outs or taking stuff away from them which they value alot, and it does work, but sometimes children do get very stuborn and I think this would be the last option to spank them. I also think the parent should always be in controle of him self and not let this get out of hand. Three slaps on the bottom is o.k with me, but before this there must be a explanation to the child why he or she is being punished. What do you think, am I being reasnoble or not. And what about a toddler, which does not always understand in what other way can he be punished.

Answer 1

As a parent, I do spank my child if she is way out of hand. I also try timeouts and taking away a valuable toy from her, or I sit her down and speak to hear eye to eye at her level and talk it over. But their are times, not all the time but very rarely she will act totally out of control and its just not acceptable. So that is when I take it to the next level and spank her behind. It works for me, she understands she has limits of acting up. Then afterwards we have a talk of why mommy had to spank her. It doesint happen frequently but I see she still trusts me and luvs me the same. My parents whipped me with a belt when I was smalll and I am THANKFUL they did,because I would probably be an out of control adult. There comes a time when you have to set a limit and spanking is it. Its definitely the last resort for me if she just doesint want to cooperate. Thats where I am coming from, and dont agree with others that say spanking your child should be againts the law. Now if I see someone slapping their child around above the waist being abusive I would report them, because thats child abuse in my eyes.

Answer 2

>And what about a toddler, which does not always
>understand in what other way can she be punished.

Though many are so opposed to "time-outs", it does seem to work for "Nanny" ... and for young toddlers, etc. it can be a form that may work if you are persistent with it.

And "time-outs" are sort of a little kid's punishment which turns into "groundings" for older kids -- though a 15 year old, for instance, is NOT grounded for only 15 minutes ... more like, for 15 days. [Maybe that's why some of us would "prefer" a spanking ... and learn better without the resentment of 15 days of grounding!]

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>and I think this would be the last option to spank them

Spanking is ONE option of punishing ... one among many. Spanking should NOT be the first option, but neither, IMO, should it be the LAST option. Because, if "spanking" doesn't get the desired response, then what would you do?
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Answer 3

Saying that spanking is no different to beating hard enough to leave scars, is the same as saying that grounding is no different to locking your child in their room all day without food or water.

I'm sorry, but I've yet to see anyone say why I shouldn't spank my children that didn't assume that I can't tell the difference between spanking and beating, or that my child doesn't understand why they're being spanked. And that includes the big organisations.

We used to have an advert in the UK, I think by the NSPCC, which read "If smacking works, why do you have to keep doing it?" Way to miss the point, guys. You have a method of discipline which only ever has to be used once and the child will never misbehave again? Please, tell us what it is NOW. I can guarantee there isn't a spanking parent in existence who won't switch INSTANTLY. Alternatively..."If timeout works, why do you have to keep doing it?"

Answer 4

It is only OK if it is done as a punishment (and not because the parent is so frustrated at that moment and doesn´t know what to do, or the hand "slips out".)

A slap on the bottom is there to hurt the ego, but not the body. It works, if done rarely and only in some situations. To call this beating is not fair. Beating a child is abuse. A simple spank is to help the child behave better next time, and doesn´t leave pain or marks. As you say, they must know the reason, and know who ultimately is the "boss" (yes, this sounds old-fashioned, but that is our job as parents, and to lose control is to let go of responsibility to our children).

People can get carried away and hurt their children, whether they are "pro-spankers" or "anti-spankers", or whatever they claim to be. I don´t think calling it all child abuse will really protect anyone in the end. But parents afraid of being accused of "beating" are intimidated and back off using ANY discipline. As a result, I see a lot of wild kids around, whose parents are afraid to discipline at all, for fear of "forcing their will" upon their child. This doesn´t help the children either.

Answer 5

I agree with you that spanking can be used as a disciplinary option when "all else has failed", especially for wilful disobedience, or as a sanction for serious misbehavior. In the latter case, there should be clear rules announced in advance (as "If you ever use the f... word with one of your parents, you will get a spanking."). Spanking should be applied shortly after the offense but calmly and in private, and should be framed by explanation and forgiveness. The number of spanks ought to depend on the child's age and sensitivity but should be sufficient to be remembered (three smacks on the butt may not be very impressive with a grade-schooler).
Having said that, I still think whether or not to spank is a vera personal option. If you are comfortable with it, do it (and don't be bothered by the screaming non-spankers); if you are not, don't.

Answer 6

Oprah may be speaking from a past in which this was not so much a method of punishment but an everyday event. Todlers, I believe, need the odd smack on the hands or bottom but, when children reach 4 or 5, I would say it depends upon the child. Some children, even when displaying what you think is stubborness, are tender so one must be careful to not break their spirit. If a child, say 7 or older, is defiant and answers back - that's a different story (is time to get our the rod the Bible says we are to use). The tender child will respond more to a loss of privileges but, is important, as you say to be in control, let the child know why they are being punished (is preferable if they tell you!!) and be sure they have the verbal reinforcement that you love them despite . . .

Answer 7

Not every child suffered by spanking - I didn't, although I was spanked on occasions. I know it worked because it would stop me from doing certain things and it was not harmful to me in the short or in the long run as I don't even remember anymore on what occasions I was spanked. If you are always in control and do not hurt the child when spanking, I think it's up to you to decide whether to use it or not.

Answer 8

My son is now 35 years old and I never spanked him. But I might. Maybe tomorrow. My point is; keep corporal punishment as the last resort - the day it really, really matters. A child that is regularly spanked gets used to it. What do you do then when you really need his or her attention on a very important matter? You want your children to respect your decisions. Respect can't be imposed but only earned. Strive to earn respect and you will never have to spank a child.

A blessed grand-father.

Answer 9

The whole spanking issue is something always left up to the parents me however yes i spank but first i make very clear that she knows what she did and that it was not appropriate and she understands and for toddlers they don't always understand so when mine was little i would pick up her hand and say no no and maybe pop it not to hard but enough to where she knew no and that was something not to do but every parents has their own little methods of getting their child attention. God Bless you and your family!!

Answer 10

In my opinion, you are right, spanking should not be the first option & should never be done in anger. If you're frustrated or angry -- put them in time out and walk away. You need to calm down before you can deal with them.

I have twins (who are 4) and in our house spanking is the last option after they've been reprimanded, time-out, etc. And there is always a discussion about it beforehand. It is reserved for the times when nothing else is working but that it is important to get the point across.

I also think that every child is different and goes through different phases. Sometimes my kids could careless if they are in a time out and other times they don't even care if they get a spanking, but cry if they are put in time out.

I think you need to be creative with punishment -- we sometimes do pushups, or I'll make them stand with their arms held out for a period of time. (These can seem like fun sometimes, though.)

Most importantly, you have to remember to talk to your kids. Alot of bad behaviour is borne from frustration. I try to always start with -- I understand that you did that because..... but it's not appropriate and this is what's going to happen now....

It's easy to get lazy about this -- but it's amazing how much better they are behaved when I put the effort into doing this.

BTW -- about toddlers or even younger. Don't underestimate talking to them. Kids grasp alot at that age, even if they don't understand all the words. They will still get it if you accompany it with phsycial action. At this age the misbehaviour is physical (getting into things, safety concerns, temper tantrums.) If they get into something they aren't supposed to -- remove them and give them something positive to do.

When mine were little if we were in Target and I saw a kid throwing a fit, I would point him out to them and say, "Don't EVER EVER do that." I never let my kids throw fits. If they do, I remove them from the situation and tell them that I understand that they are mad and everbody gets mad. I tell them they need to be mad by themselves and when they're ready to behave they can rejoin us. This way they can still express their anger, but understand that it's not good social behaviour.

Sorry -- I'm writing a book here.... I could go on and on and on.

I have strong b