He says that's why God gave us eyes for & that I have nothing to worry about because its me he loves & stop being so insecure. Sometimes I think its the other way around. What can I do to help him stop?
2007-11-28 18:03:54 · 20 answers · asked by lovie808 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
At best, he is being extremely disrespectful to you. God did indeed give us eyes...but he also gave us a brain to know WHEN and HOW to use them. Even more so, he gave us a heart to CARE when we hurt someone else. He is NOT using any of these things well.
Of course men will notice a lovely woman. That is not the problem. Besides the disrespect of openly oggling them, (a quick glance is one thing) and using God as a license for this piggish behavior, the REAL problem is the accusation of you being insecure. Many times, that line is used to deflect HIS own bad behavior and make it look like it is YOUR problem. Because, at worst, many times, the line/behavior is used when HIS behavior and intent are NOT angelic. (ie: he is or has or wants to cheat on you/is actively "shopping.")
How would a healthy response look? "Oh, I'm sorry. I'd be lying if I said I never notice anyone, but I apologize if it made you feel bad," and the next time a gal passes by, a quick, sideways glance at most. Now, I realize most men aren't nearly that articulate with things of this nature, but you get the jist.
Again, note that I am not saying he can't look at all. I am saying that he has to acknowledge your hurt and try to keep the glances respectfully short, if at all. I do however, honestly question ANY man's self-control if he can't refrain in the times he's with you if it bothers you. And to make it sound like your hurt feelings or concern (on this issue or any for that matter) is YOUR problem/his God-given right, to me screams danger ahead.
Without truly knowing your guy, I would say...proceed with caution. Even if he isn't shopping on the side, he is being incredibly selfish and insensitive for showing so little consideration for your feelings, and manipulative for making it seem like YOUR problem (insecure) and his right ("God gave me eyes..."). This tendency will rear its ugly head time and again throughout your life together and during the adversities life throws into the works.
Believe me, you want someone who deeply cares about you and your feelings, even if--perhaps especially when--you don't see perfectly eye to eye on something. The question you may have to ask yourself is not, "Does my fiance love me," but rather, "Does he show it in a way that works for me?" Respect is ideal in a love relationship, but it is NOT a given. It is up to you to find one that includes this.
I wish you well.
2007-11-28 18:37:02 · answer #1 · answered by Gauffsa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you living together? Regardless, I wonder about the relationship you and him have..... is it kinda superficial? Shallow and lacking in depth? If I were in your situation, I'd go out and buy some Trivia Games, (that help you explore and understand each other better). They're also designed to help two people get acquainted with each other. (yes, you're both already acquainted....but how well do you really KNOW each other??) You learn things about yourself as well as him too. Some of the questions get you to thinking and talking about little things; gets you to open up to each other. If you and him take the right approach to refreshing and renewing your relationship, it might bring you closer together. He might develop a new appreciation for you and vice versa. So many ppl these days don't take the time to establish a solid foundation for their relationship, they rush right into sex. The guy becomes bored with his girl and starts taking her for granted. She's hurt when he starts frlirting with other women.... some who are less attractive then she is. They both had wanted intimacy and companionship. But they didn't take the time to establish a solid foundation... things began to fall apart.
2007-11-28 18:23:26 · answer #2 · answered by wildflower 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should not use God to rationalize his problem. If he is with you then he should not be guacking at other woman. One other thing does he watch porn or go to strip clubs if he does then it's time to tell him stop or everything is called off and you are gone. You deserve better then a pig and right now he is showing his true colors and unless you put your oot down and tell him that he is being disrespectul to you and your feelings he will continue to do it.
One last thing God gave us eys so we can enjoy looking at our loved ones and the world around us and of course to read and write. He is using his eyes around you to make you feel like crap that is wrong.
2007-11-29 01:06:58 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look at the appearance of women he is always looking at. See if there is one particular look that he enjoys or it's just his habit of girl watching. There is nothing wrong in admiring beautiful women or men for that matter. As long as he does not do something to have communication with those women, you don't need to be insecure. Further, be beautiful yourself. Pay more attention on how you look. In that way, you will be looked up also by other men. Then, it's time for your fiancee to be the one to be insecured.
2007-11-29 15:02:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well we all guys look at other women its like instinct however we try by all means not to show if you caught when you are with a woman you love you need show say respect by either apologizing which most guys rarely do or making up something to its just an innocent glance but saying its that we look at other i think thats wrong.if it really offends you talk to him tell exactly how you feel.you guys are planning on getting married its important that you have communication at all times and make you get his point of view and then try to reason with him all the best
2007-11-28 18:10:50 · answer #5 · answered by OBASAM 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
he's incorrect and additionally you're proper!!! If he cares something approximately you in any respect,there is not any excuse for him to look on the porns any the place. i do no longer care no rely if that's on the television, magazines, on the comp, etc. there is not any excuse for it. that's in basic terms a much less high priced way of dishonest on you. and that i does no longer even bypass so some distance as telling him which you're able to watch them with him, that's a undesirable flow as nicely. in case you and additionally you on my own are no longer good adequate for him to work out, then you definately might desire to go on. How could he like it if it grow to be you in those porns for everybody to work out? i spotted that for the period of between the solutions you got, they reported which you start up appearing like a porn in the mattress room, that may not artwork, oh that is going to the 1st time or 2 in spite of the undeniable fact that that's a brief lived venture and he will bypass proper back to observing them back. So do no longer decrease your self all the way down to his point. in case you're no longer good adequate for him, flow on and he will see what he USE TO HAVE. he's exhibiting no understand for you in any respect. And what he has is a illness and likewise by way of him attempt to concealed what he's doing, he's in actuality dishonest on you in a much less high priced way. i'm hoping he's not paying to work out that crap!!!
2016-10-18 08:13:20 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To begin with there is looking and then there is LOOKING. It is natural for a man or a woman to glance at an attractive person from time to time, but if that person does more than that than you may have a problem. A person who you are planning to spend your life with should not be so insensitive to your feelings and use your discomfort to their own advantage! In plain English, if he is looking now, before the wedding, don't be surprised at what he does after the wedding !
2007-11-28 18:15:51 · answer #7 · answered by elizabeth w 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's normal for men..and normal for women to get jealous at these events. Men cannot do anything about that, they are built to be like that. You should get mad if your fiance looks at men (lol). It's not only you experiencing this, but a lot of women including me. You just have to trust him when he says trust him. At least he assured you he loves you. In time you'll get over this feeling. And if you don't want to feel insecure, be like the girls that attracts your fiance's eyes...it's one of the medicines for this.
2007-11-28 18:14:12 · answer #8 · answered by alexynne 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You never will.
What do you think that just because he's in a relationship that he's going to stop wanting to see the variety of woman out there?
If you were a car enthusiast and you bought a ferarri, would you not look at a new porche if it drove by?
However, if he does it in front of you, that's not right.
2007-11-28 18:12:54 · answer #9 · answered by Evol 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you're just being blinded by your insecurities.why not look at the mirror and examine yourself.then look at the girl that your fiance has been looking,right that girl is attractive because of the tattoo on her cheek,joke on her neck;so why not have a tattoo if that's what your man is attracted to?or the other way just be yourself,there's nothing you can do to stop him because he's a real man,just be thankful that he is.
2007-11-28 18:14:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋