I need help with my parents and step daughter???

Question

Ok, well I have asked many questions about my step daughter. And have gotten alot of very helpful advice. I need alittle advice about her and my parents.

I need to know if it would be wrong not to allow her at my parents house.Shes 10 years old.Shes only known my parents since she was 8.And we do not have full custody.

Every single time she is at my parents house and my Grandmothers house, she is very disrespectful, rude, mean, and very destructive of THEIR home. They have been very good towards her.They invite her over to go swimming and include her in the family.Last year at Christmas she said to them"Thats all you got me?" And got really mad, and pouted.She refuses to listen to them and THEIR rules.She says mean and rude things.She feels she can do whatever she wants.The last time she was there,she ran through the house with muddy feet,tore apart rafts for the pool,and told my cousins they dont belong there, that they should leave.CONTINUED>>>>>

She will go right up to my brothers and hit them.And she will not stop whatever shes doing when shes yelled at.She makes messes all over their home.I feel bad for my parents, She REFUSES to listen to me, thats a whole other issue.But my parents are so stressed out when shes there,they cant deal with her.They really havent said anything but they do not want her there.They do say shes out of control and someone needs to disapline her.Shes the same way with me,like I said thats a whole other issue. But even my 80 Grandmother she direspects.I took her to my Grandmothers and sh started snooping through her stuff, and running around yelling.Shes 10, its not like she 5.I dont know what to do about that.I want to tell my husband I WILL NOT take her anywhere and nobody wants her in their home.Ive talked to him about it,and nothing is done.Shes not with us fulltime.And is left to do as she pleases at her Moms.How do I handle this situation. Its getting worse,and NOBODY wants her in THEIR home.

Do I tell my husband that I will not take her anywhere until he controls her??

I also have a 5 month old to care for, and its affecting me caring for my son its so bad.

Answer 1

ive said this a million times, read some of my responses for step children issues. if daddy isnt discipling the child , then A> you either start before this monster gets older, or B you dont take care of the child at all , this means its dads kid he can deal with her if he wont discipline and make her respect adults and others belongings. or C you leave him .

tell your husband you dont understand why he wont discipline her, she has to respect all adults not just you , disciplining your child is loving them enough to tell them what they did wrong and how to do it right. ask him what he will do when your child together is older and acts like that, will he not discipline that child , because you wont stand for that , you wont have your child act so disrespectful, tell daddy to get over his , my little angel has had it rough with the divorce and i never see her so i cant be the bad guy mentality! if he truly loves this child he needs to start discipling her, what does he expect this child will act as an adult if give no guidance ???

its time to start doling out punishment yourself, look up home rules contract for teens and children(google it) this can help you and hubby get on the same page with discipline, your child might be a baby now but you will have to start with something when the baby gets older. have hubby sit down with you and talk about what you expect out of both of your children , one would be respect toward adults and their belongings and their household rules when in that house.

example of rule contract:

1. Respect adults and other peoples belongings. Respect a other persons house rules and privacy. This means no rummaging through a persons drawers or personal items. not tearing up someone elses belongings on purpose. acting in a respectful way toward adults. no back talking , rude comments or mean comments. Treat people like would like to be treated.

consequences: grounding, you will be sent to your room for 2 hours to think about how you acted. you will apologize to the person disrespected, you will pay for or do chores for the damage done. for second offense: you will apologize and be grounded for a longer period, no tv , radio , telephone . thrid offense: you will loss all privileges and apologize , privileges will be returned when you show the proper respect.

Privileges: free use of computer, phone , respect and trust of your father and I and the respect of others.

do this for all rules,
the rule
the consequences
the privilege

i wouldnt tell her if you dont do listen to these rules you will be punished, it will be up to her to listen and like everyone else in the world she will get the consequences for her actions whether they are good or bad.

Answer 2

I suppose - as a step-daughter myself - you do have to move handy on her. She is also very younger (the equal age as me while my mom left) however that does not imply that this wont influence her. At the second she shall be pondering in which her mummy is and why there may be - to her- this unusual lady with no trouble taking her mums position. That's to not say you should not field her regardless that. You do have to begin this early, as though left too lengthy she might see you as anybody who has no vigour to field her. However, do not begin all weapons blazing. If she hits you, sure, then she demands to study that it is mistaken however telling her off for anything that does not fairly subject - akin to being disenchanted that daddy hasn't performed what you may have for her - will make you look just like the unhealthy character In that situation relief her, ask for forgiveness daddy is not right here, however i'm and i like you, so there's no have to be disenchanted. Be sufferer, loving and corporation, however no longer overbearing and controlling and she is going to come circular. Give her time.

Answer 3

Hi hon.. this does seem like a big problem, and it's NOT YOURS.. your husband needs to get a handle on this... He is her father, and needs to take the initiative to correct her. He also needs to spend time with her,,,,, as in QUALITY time.

She is apparently acting out because of things she's gone through in life... Her parents are obviously no longer together, and this can be devistating for a child... so they act out.

Therapy does work wonders, too... it takes more than one or two sessions, also.

Meanwhile, i wouldn't take her to my parents' home, or anyone else's...

HER PARENTS need to get a handle on this. You are not responsible for her. Even so, it's nice you care.

take care of yourself, and urge your husband to learn some proper parenting techniques, and stop letting his daughter run the show... she needs help.

Answer 4

There is not much you can do about her behavior unless your husband backs you up. That said, why are you torturing your parents with her if she's doing all that you say? Stop taking her over until she's able to behave out in public.