One of my daughter's best friend - we will name her Kay, Kay is around a lot, she stays all night, hangs out at our house, stuff like that, well here is the story.....Kay's mother was murdered...yes murdered........it was horrible.....she was shot and also the person who murdered her cut her throat......Kay is only 14.........
They know who did it.......He was family!!!
How is Kay going to make it???? Again, she is only 14, this is just so horrible to even think about but to have to deal with the rest of your life......
What can I say to her????????? Help me!!! I do not know what to say when she comes up to the house again....
2007-11-28 16:49:59 · 15 answers · asked by Optimistic1 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I know this is terrible, and I am sorry to dump this on you guys but I just needed to get some insight on it too...I am just freaking out here too.....Just wanted some input also....I guess I needed some reassurance here myself.....This is just so horrible!!!!!!!
2007-11-28 17:07:42 · update #1
I appreciate all of these great answers. I will do my best to help her. I know she will need it and I will help her. I know that my daughter will be there for her too, so I will have her to let me know more specifically about what needs she may have.....
Thanks for all your input!!!
AQ
2007-11-28 17:17:27 · update #2
My question is... have the police taken this murderer in?
My suggestion is to talk to her to see if she needs some counseling... if she is still having trouble dealing with the emotional trauma, you will need to talk to the counselors at school to make arrangements.
The other thing... even more important... is that you are already providing support for her by being there. Make sure she knows she is welcome there and knows she is safe there... which is probably why she is always there all the time anyway. You have already been doing the walk... just add the talk.
Kudos to you for stepping up.
2007-11-28 18:14:32 · answer #1 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 25 now, my mother died when I wa 13 and my dad died a year later which made me 14 and starting highschool. The first thing I thought from being young was "why me" and not understanding. To be honest I just had my first child and he is 8months now. It's harder now that I am grown because I have a child with nograndparent besides on his daddy side and it's almost like he still dont have any (that's a diff story). But yeah i'm still dealing with it and she probably when grieve for a long time.On and off again for 12 years for me but when it's all said and done if she has strong people like you around here to keep her head high and let her know that God called her in to do something special for him and now that she (the mother) is looking down on her, just let her know she can do anything because her mother is an angel and is making sure she is doing everything yup above to be watched over. I'm a very strong black woman but of course it creates a sensitive side and if you don't hold up for her then you are no good to her see joy and to know everything wikll be alright. The best thing you can do is pull from the optimistic point of life(although that may seem hard to a 14 year old. also let her know that the lord only put certain people through trial and tribulation because they are the ones that can handle it. He wouldn't take from someone who wouldn't be able to continue to be strong. It sounds crazy but he knows that she is going to be fine without her. Tell her to use all the grievance and aggression that she has inside and find something that she like to do and let it out with creativity. Don't let her internalize...it's not good for her soul or the mind. She will be fine with your support. Just be supportive and take her mind off of it sometimes. Let her talk when she wants and dont ask her if she's ok everytime you see her ok? Make sure your smiling when u see her....it only gets easier by the day...like I sadi i'm 25 now and I was the same age.....I send my condolences and God Bless!!!!
2007-11-29 01:05:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend's wife died from an accidental overdose this summer. She had 2 daughters, 11 and 13. That's nothing compared to murder, but I know what you are feeling. I am close to her daughters, and had NO CLUE how to act in front of them. I just acted like I always did, and made sure I gave them both a big hug and told them that I loved them, and was always there if they needed me. That's all you can really do. Stay involved in Kay's life if you can, I'm sure she will need support at some point. Don't act like your sorry for her, I'm sure she gets enough of that. Just be there to support her and help her understand her feelings. Bless you and Kay.
2007-11-29 00:58:02 · answer #3 · answered by munkees81 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really am extremely sorry about what you are going through!
There are really no words that you can tell this girl that will help her feel better, at least not yet.. all you can really do for her is to Absolutely let her know that you are there for her in everything she needs.. Show/Tell her that hate is not good and never leads to good consequences, so she doesn't let this feeling grow inside her.. and PLEASE don't tell her that things happened for a reason or that it was God's will, because this can cause confusion towards God and.. Just don't do it please!
Remember that everyone of us griefs in different ways and the worst thing you can do is tell her not to cry.. Because everyone needs to cry/ and to be allowed to discover our own feelings at different phases/time..
Be with her and if you can talk to a psychologist or counselor that will give you the best advice, and do it soon because Kay needs you like you have no idea!!
I wish you, Kay and her family the best in the world and have no doubt that i will keep you in my prayers every night!!
2007-11-29 01:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by Bee 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Start by saying nothing. Just put your arms around her and give her a good solid hug. This will let her know you care as well as that you are there for her if she wants to talk. Don't try and force her to talk to you, many others are already trying that. You might also want to sit down with your daughter and ask her how Kay is doing? Ask her if there is anything she might want to ask or talk about (remember it's her best friend). Your daughter might talk to you about things that her and Kay discussed. Relaying anything she feels important after talking to you back to Kay. I really feel that your interaction with your own daughter is your best bet, for your daughter and for Kay.
2007-11-29 00:59:35 · answer #5 · answered by MURKEY_74 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know...that is so terrible I don't know. I guess when she comes over just give her a hug and tell her that if she needs anything that you are there for her. If she wants to talk that you will listen. There are really no good answers in a situation like this, the person who did this was obviously sick and that is something that you can tell her if she asks. What a horrible story
2007-11-29 00:56:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry for your friend and her family, and i know this is difficult for you.
There is nothing you can say to make it better... Kay is going to have to get through this, but you can offer care, love and support..
give her a hug when you see her, and tell her you care and will be there if she needs you... just be a good friend.
hugs
2007-11-29 01:06:41 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi,
Kay is just 14 so i wud request you to help her as much as u can coz ur daughter z also of the same age. so u'll be comfortable to help her moreover its a crucial time for her though she wud not realize right now but its the biggest incident of her life n she has lost her mother as well , maybe she can take a wrng path n wud definitely need someone to show her light . hope you will b d hope 4 her . take care bye
2007-11-29 01:09:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is obvoiusly a very delicate situation. let her know your there for her and yes hug her even if she dosen't ask for it. As to what to say let her know that sometimes things happen without reason but that this will be a challenge in her life which she can overcome and help others in the future who might encounter simililar crisis. Also, even if your not religous, it always helps to give a prayer for strenght. I wish you all the best.
2007-11-29 01:03:46 · answer #9 · answered by alwaysg7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you are sorry about her mother,and that you love her and you are there for her. Listen to her when she's ready to talk. Give her hugs and treat her the way you would want to be treated if it happened to you.She will need counseling.Kay's family may or may not suggest this.You may be able to help her decide on how and who to go to.I think there are ways to find a free counselor for her under the circumstance. She will be in my prayers.
2007-11-29 01:13:21 · answer #10 · answered by forever young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋