"Coming Out" Please please please help ASAP!!?

Question

Ok, so I have come to a realization...I am bisexual...it's hard for to even say..or type on here...but I have hoped maybe it was a "phase" and I would grow out of it, but I haven't...I have had feelings for girls/women since I was like 10, and I am 19 now, but I have put it out of my mind because I just know my family won't accept it. I am so sick of hiding it. I have just come to terms with the fact that I am bisexual very recently, but I just don't want to have to keep it a secret. The thing is...I really don't know how to tell my family. I have a hard time expressing my feelings and everything anyways, so yeah..I have a hard time with words...so I just don't know what to do or say or how to even start the conversation. I am so depressed over this. I don't have a clue how she will react, but I am kinda afraid she will kick me out or something I really dont know. Please, if you have been though this PLEASE IM me..I really need to talk to someone! Thanks in advance!!

ok, the thing is...I kinda have a girlfriend. I really like her alot and it is really turning into love. If I don't get to see her for 1 day I go crazy. We have alot of fun together. My mom is gonna find out sooner or later I just think it would go better if it came from me. She already knows somethings up (but she is thinking more like me on drugs or something..) because I spend every free second at my gf's house.

Thanks for all the great answers! I decided to just change my status on myspace to bi (mom has a myspace and is on my friends list..) so if she wants to know anything or has anything to say about it she can...but I am not gonna bring it up with her...Thanks again!

Answer 1

You are 19 years old and not a child anymore. You have a right to your own social and emotional lile, to make your own decisions and to be responsible for them. I can understand you may find the present situation stressful as I faced a similar one when I was a a little younger than you are now.
However, I would advise you against telling your mother. She has no need to know and you do realise that it could give rise to more problems than it solves, the tensions could result in your being made to either give up your friend or leave home.
And you already realise this. Other peoples' experiences with their parents are no guide for you - they are not you and their parents are not your mother. There is no magic formula in a case like this.
The less you say the better. You can talk to me further if you like but especially as you are stressed right now, you would be best advised to keep your own counsel.

Answer 2

The best advise I can give is to follow your heart. I was really suprised how my family took it when I came out 8 months ago. Of course I wasn't living at home still. It took me 22 years to come out. Sometimes I wish I would have told them sooner. I'm so happy and free now that I don't have to keep it a secret. I suggest reading on the topic. There are many books to help you come out and books to help your family to understand. If your still questioning your orientation, then wait. By your age you should know and you will just have to come to be confident in yourself. I was married and have 2 kids, but after my divorce I decided it was time to accept my being gay and stop hiding behind traditions that everyone expects us to live up to like marriage between only men and women. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Are you sure you want to tell them? I know a lot of women think they are bi and then get into a very close relationship with a guy and turn straight. BUT the opposite can also happen. I think you need to slow down before you suddenly make a orientation change. Looks like this is really stressing you. Take a break from any dating. Get your stuff sorted out my last gf decided that she was bi and then after two years went straight. (or maybe she was really bi all along and couldnt tell me either - oh the lies!)

Answer 4

Hey....guess what? I'm 19 and went through the "exact" same issue that your going through right now. I know what you mean about your parents, it was very tough for me to even do it, but when I did build up enough guts to say it, I said it and I said it loud and clear, "Mom and Dad, there is this girl, and I really like her!"...."I guess that makes me a lesbian!" what happen you may ask, just what I thought would happen, "What in the hell is the matter with you!" "She's a girl!" "Are you sick in the head!".....well you get my point....so yeah...they "shut me up" and "put me down"....so basically I was never to speak of such a thing again....so as life went on....they got over their nonsense....and I just learned to "embrace" it whether they agreed to disagree...but the funny thing is that: little do they know that my younger sister is also bisexual (and way more into girls than I am)......It is what it is!

Answer 5

You certainly don't have any deficit in putting your thoughts into words. Nobody can really tell you how to come out. My advice would be to write your feelings down on paper, sit down with her and tell her that you have something very important to say to her, but can't exactly say it with grace - then pass her the letter. Perhaps you should look into PFLAG. They have wonderful people there who could help you.

Best Wishes!

Answer 6

another one...
First of all...you don't have to tell your parents. Why does it matter if they know? It will eventually come when they find out that your bisexual and they might get angry at you for not telling them...but this is the thing...it was none of their business.

Answer 7

Sometimes it is easier to write a letter. That's what one of my ex girlfriends did. It was rather successful for her.