why do nice guys always finish last?

Question

I am a very nice girl. I am very polite and I always try to get along with every1. But I always end up getting screwed over. My mom doesn't appreciate me and I do everthing for her. I am the only one who takes care of her. My husband has no respect for me. He is very cold and not very understanding. I am starting to really regret marrying him(been married 11 years). The one best friend I had screwed me over as well. She was always filling my husbands head with bullcrap about me.She would tell him I might be cheating which was not true I am way too proper and love my husband and family too much to do that. I cut all ties with her. But I can't just get rid of my mom and my husband. My mom is 67 years old and she has no1 but me. I have 4 little boys that need their dad. I never had one so I do not want to rob them of that. I feel like I have no1 and that really sucks because they always say you get what you give but I give everything I've got to everyone and I rarely get any appreciation

Answer 1

Nice guys do NOT finish last... believe me.
Jerks may advance my claiming other's work, but invariably hit the wall earlier... particularly when their reputation preceeds them and the good people move on.

First of all... get out of doormat mode. Quit being user-friendly.
Quit being everyone's servant. Get angry and make your demands heard.
Quit automatically doing things for people. If they don't ask for it, don't provide the service. Wait until you mother calls, and then schedule an appointment. Do the bare minimum. If she doesn't thank you, then it will be a lot longer between appointments. Call her down on her crappy behavior and don't let her "guilt" you into or out-of anything.

If someone like your "friend" screws you over, you get in their face and call them down on it... demand an apology and get ready to cut them completely loose. Friends don't behave like that... chances are, she was fooling around with your husband. The fact that they were accusing you is a tell-tale sign. The ones that are doing it are the ones that are afraid to have it done to them.

Your kids are getting old enough to clean up after themselves and your husband needs to be pitching in as well. You have every right to expect that if you make the meal, someone else needs to do the dishes. The kids need to be able to do their own laundry or at least gather it up to bring to the laundry room. Teaching them how to look after themselves is doing them a tremendous service.
When hubby asks for you to put out... ask him what has he done for you lately. You demand satisfaction first, or it is a no-go for him. He has been unavailable to you, both emotionally and other wise... you need to get in his face and demand that he turn it around, or face a divorce... drag him in to marriage counseling.
Ask your husband to do things to help you around the house.

Make a "job jar" and have him take several things to do from it every week.

Take care of yourself FIRST... if you don't nobody will look after you for you. Your new mantra is, “If the mama ain’t happy, then NOBODY is happy.” The mama is the ultimate authority. You must step into your power as such. You are the glue holding it all together.

Answer 2

You really just have to make the best of it. I am not in the same position as you, but I know many married women in this spot. I also personally have this problem with family members at times and you really can't do anything. Just look for the positives in these people and encourage discussion and activity where they will be the most positive. There must be good traits in your husband that you married him for in the first place after all.

Whether your mom appreciates it or not (or at least doesn't show she does) you are not doing it to get recognition and respect. Correct? It would be nice if you did - but you are doing it because she is your mother and she needs help. The fact her needs are being met should be a pat on your back and its good for her that shes getting the help. It is probably too late for your mother to change.

You are going to have to put your foot down with your husband though. Take him to counselling or have a long discussion with him and don't let him walk all over you. If you are always nice - being suddenly authoritative will give him a good shock. There is hope in this department.

And whether you're nice or mean - things don't always work out. But it's good that there are nice people out there to help provide stability and balance to all the meaner inclined people. It sounds like you play this vital role that keeps your family together.

Answer 3

There are very few people in the world like you and me, I had to learn to live with the ******* long ago. One quote that always stuck with me was "always do what you can to change the world, but don't ever let the world change you." It's hard not to, I've noticed myself getting a little more closed up and cold over the past few years as I keep getting seriously hurt by the people I thought never would, but I fight that change as much as I can.
Sounds like they feel they feel entitled to the care that you give and are taking advantage of it. There's nothing you can do about them unless you feel like talking about it, but I would guess that you've already done that to the extent that you feel comfortable... Just keep smiling and spreading light and love where and when you can! Don't let the world bring you down.

Answer 4

always remember that nothing we do is ever truly appreciated. if you expect something in return for what you do for some else then disappointment will always be the outcome. remember that you are the one who has to lay your head down at night knowing how you have treated people so be sure that its something that you can live and sleep with. try giving a little to yourself.

Answer 5

I am unbelievably nice and wonder the same thing all the time from way down in last place

Answer 6

well just remember this quote. "we might finish last but we always get the last laugh"