when did being open and sincere become a bad thing?

Question

Just got dumped, for the first time in a long time. Most of the ends of my relationships happen the other way around, but when I have gotten dumped in the past it has always been for the same reason. "too sweet", "too good for me", or my favorite, and the case this time, "too good to be true" I have spent most of my romantic life trying to be the best man I can be: I'm loyal, open, caring, thoughtful, kind, and supportive. Most of the time it ends because I get tired of being taken advantage of, but then there are cases like these.
I've made my choice regarding the man I want to be, and won't become a manipulative *** just to get laid, so don't recommend the "stop being so nice." I just want to know why, and when, it became the norm for women to not want a man like me in their lives...

I'm guessing that she has self-esteem issues so that she can't accept that I could actually be so good to her, or that she doesn't deserve such treatment, but I'm at my wit's end...

Answer 1

It's like the story of my life! WOW! Here's what I have found...you need to find someone that is your mental and intellectual equivalent or superior, otherwise, they cannot comprehend where you are in your level of emotional security, relationship maturity, and respect for others. I felt the same way for years (I'm now 39), until one day, She found me and was not only amazed at what it was like to be treated right, but also willing to accept the fact that this is the RIGHT way to be treated. With mutual respect and understanding, I now have a strong and long lasting relationship where we are both best friends and great lovers. Good Luck and be patient.

Answer 2

Hey,

It's good to hear that there are still some good guys like yourself around. It's not very common. But I have to say that the girls probably really do think that it's too good to be true. They probably think that you have something up your sleeve and that is why you are so sweet. I know that is how I would think. I guess they were just expecting the worst out of it. They were expecting to find you cheating or maybe later on you'd change and become an ***.

It has happened to be so many times. Even now, I have a boyfriend for 2 years now. The first year was amazing, I thought he was perfect, and even now, he still can be sweet, but he's not the same. He's a huge ***. I knew that it was too good to be true.

I hope you find a girl who will stick with you and you can show her just how true you are being. It's sad that when they figure it out, they start taking advantage of it. Don't worry, the right one is out there.

I hope I helped you understand a little bit better. Take care!

Leesha

Answer 3

I only came up with two reasonable ideas why things end up for you the way they; either you're too nice, or the girls you date are immature.

The first is that you should be nice, but there is such a thing as too nice. A lot of women like men that can take care of them or make them feel like they would take care of them and would be timid or anything. Maybe that's why they'd say you were too sweet. It could just be that "bad boy" thing. I'm not saying a guy who's constantly a bad boy, but a nice guy who can have "bad" side to change things up.

The only other thing is that they are immature or like you said insecure, because as most women get older they want the guy that's sweet to them not the one that treats them like crap. I hear other women complain about wanting that sweet/nice guy, so maybe you just have to find the right girl! So don't get discouraged and best wishes!

Answer 4

Some good advice from David J. Lieberman, PhD:

“People want what they cannot have. By constantly making yourself available [to them], you’re actually diminishing your value. This is not a trick or a game to play, but a function of human behavior ... If someone takes you for granted he or she will not appreciate you and will begin to look for someone else … You must create an element of uncertainty or you will lose the passion that drives the relationship ... We want what we can’t have and want more of that which we have to work for. Simply, if it falls into our laps we tend to have less appreciation for it. But herein lies the crucial difference between being attentive and kind versus telling her that she is your entire world and the only person for you [at the early stages of the relationship]. (Because, as we talked about, this removes doubt and begins to erode the passion.). The former is more objective and has to do primarily with her. The latter involves your relationship and invokes the law of scarcity. Notice the crucial difference between saying how much you like this person – which makes you lose leverage – and telling her that she is a likable and a great person … Again, you want to let her know that you think that she is great but not that she’s your whole world and that you can’t live without her.”

[Chapter 4: “The Four Biggest [Relational] Mistakes and How to Avoid Them”, from “Get Anyone to Do Anything: Never Fell Powerless Again”, pp. 21-27. (c) 2000]

Answer 5

I think that it is not you that has the problem in relationships it is the girls that your choosing.
Some people just are not ready to commit to a couple type of relationship.
Some people prefer a long dating process for many different reasons. They could be coming out of another relationship, getting over a lover that has died unexpectedly, prefer to casually date, or they just might not have the same expectations from your relationship that you do.
Look for some one that is on the same page in their desires in the relationship that you have. Get to know them well first.
After all once you have found the right person you likely plan for them to be in your life for a very long time. So take your time and enjoy the time and fun of getting to know each other.
To me being honest and sincere in a relationship are the most important things to bring with you to the relationship.

Answer 6

Brother, please listen. Being a good man isn't a bad thing. But women are much different creatures then we are. They can be wonderful and special and beautiful. They do however (at least most) all have a common bond in what they don't like. Being nice is fine but they need to know that you have your own life and that you don't hang on their every word. Make them earn your love, don't give it for free. Be a little mysterious, challenge them, make them know that you have options but that you choose them. Most importantly, take your time, don't tell a women you love them after 2 months of dating. That is usually not real, not to mention the kiss of death. Find your best friend in a women (which again takes time) then take it to the next level when you feel it and you know she feels it.

Answer 7

You didn't state your age. In the teen years and in the twenties, girls want the "tough guy" stuff. They think it's because they want to be protected. Ha! But after they've been kicked around and slapped across the face into common sense a couple of times by the thugs they thought were handsome, then girls start to appreciate a man like you.

Keep being nice. Your girl is out there. Have patience and wait for her.

Answer 8

I'm curious, what age group do you typically go for? Maybe that's the prob. If your going for younger females then stop it lol. Most GIRLS can't handle a real gentleman. A real WOMAN on the other hand, knows a good man when she sees one. It could be that your taste in girls draws you too the 'cute, flirty, sexy' girl, when all she wants (typically) is a 'cute, flirty, sexy' boy. A man with a commitment in mind isn't on the mind of a girl who just wants fun for now. This is my only thought because those excuses -'too sweet, good for me, or too good to be true'- it's too ridiculous is what it is!

On the other hand, a very select few retarded women actually like to be treated like garbage. They like the idea of being with a rough jerk who treats people badly, simply~ because the idea of taming an animal like that is appealing.

Answer 9

Dear confus-ed57:

In my experience, I have found that
most women actually *LIKE The BAD
Boys! They "tilt" *when someone nice
like you comes into their life!

Of course many women will lie &
say: "Where do I find a nice guy?"
But they just love the BAD Boy
with BALLS & is MANLY!

I recommend a change for you to be
successful with women. Don't be such
a "WUSSIE"! Get some BALLS &
assert yourself! Be STRONG &
aggressively pursue what YOU Want!
More people will respect you!
Right now they are messing with you!
Change Tactics! See if it works!

I have a friend in San Francisco who
gots more tail then a toilet seat!
His SECRET? He is an A'Hole!
All these HOT Girls just LOVE him!
My head "tilted"! How can this be?
But it works for him .......
& Now it works for me!

Weird huh?
Assertive BadBoys Get Laid~
& KEEP Hot Chicks! The "Nice"
dudes? (like U) They get Flushed!

Try being a bit more Mysterious!
Be MACHISMO!

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Well I personally have self esteem issues. It DOES effect with relationships sometimes. I'm not a very mushy, lovey-dovey kind of girl, saying I love you scares girls like me because we aren't used to knowing there is actually someone that cares for us A LOT. Most girls aren't used to being treated 'the right way', there is always at least 1 person that makes them feel terrible about their self. It just takes time, try to find girls that are very shy or nice, most of the time they will be waiting for their Prince Charming. :)

Good luck!