good aviation jokes anyone?

Question

i enjoy looking for aviation jokes on the internet, but keep coming across the same ones finally...anybody have any orginal funny or embarresing stories to share? thanks!

Answer 1

We were about to land in Las Vegas and the flight attendants were already seated and prepared for landing. One of them announced "Would the person who has their call button on please turn it off"...A gentleman seated near me piped up and said "You mean the man back here having heart problems" He was just kidding and everyone had a good laugh.

Answer 2

A minister was flying one day and the stewardess asked him if he would like a drink of wine or beer. He replied, "no thanks I don't like drinking this close to the head office"

This actually happened to me during my student pilot days. I was going to do some touch & gos but there was a strong cross wind on the only runway at our local air strip. I was thinking of calling it quits for today but the flight instructor said that I should be able to handle it OK. Departure wasn't a problem it was the first touch & go was a little hairy but no problems. I did a couple more and called full stop and taxied back to the office. By now everyone was watching out the window to see how white I was going to be. I finished the check list, opened the door and got out and kissed the ground. I figured if the Pope is happy to be on the ground so was I.

Answer 3

I was on a flight from New Orleans to Houston one time and about 40 guys with huge Gold tanks on their necklaces ( No Limit Soldiers ) got on. As the attendants were giving out drinks, on complained his was too small & asked for a 2 liter. The attendant replied " sir, this is a 737, not a seven-11." All his boys cracked up & I laughed my a$$ off.

Answer 4

I was on an airplane once and we got to our crusing altitude. The pilots made their usual annousments exept for they forgot to turn the mic off. So they kept talking the capt was like all i could use right about now is a ******** and a cup of coffe. All of the sudden i saw the flight attendent running from the back to tell him the mic is on. And from the back of the plane some guy yelled out dont forget the coffee hun.

Answer 5

A man is flying his plane, when the engine burst into flames. Lacking a parachute and facing the prospect of burning alive, he kicks open the door and leaps out. Hurling towards the ground, he hears a strange buzzing sound nearby. He looks around and sees a fairy flying beside him-but this is no Tinkerbell, it's the ugliest fairy he's ever seen. The fairy says, "If you give me a kiss, I'll stop your fall." The man looks at the fairy, looks down at the fast-approaching ground, looks back at the fairy, and says, "How long do I have to decide?"

Answer 6

I was working as Cabin Chief on a BAe146, way before the "sterilized cockpit" times. I was standing next to the cockpit doing my final checks. We were taxiing from our parking spot towards the runway for takeoff, cockpit door wide open, and the captain going WAY too fast. As we rally like mad by a BA plane (parked) I hear in posh British accent "V1, rotate". Oh, the shame!

Answer 7

A Qantas 747 had just cleared Sydney Airport and was climbing up to it's operational height heading for L.A. when the flight attendant noticed a blond seated in the first class compartment. She could have sworn she had checked her ticket on boarding and it was for tourist class. She approached her and asked her for her ticket, when she checked it, sure enough it was for tourist class! She asked her to move back to the tourist class but the blond replied "I'm off to Hollywood, I want to be a star!" After several failed attempts getting the same answer she finally got the pilot to have a word with her. He whispered in her ear, and straight away she got up and returned to the tourist class and sat down! The shocked flight attendant said to the Captain "How on earth did you get her to move so easily?" he replied "It was easy! I just said that the first class section was not going to L.A.!

Answer 8

Tower: "Boeing 737,, please turn immediatley to 280 degrees for noise procedures."

737: "What noise can bother people at 25,000 feet?"

Tower: " 737, Have you ever heard what it sounds like when a 747 hits a 737?"

WHY AIRPLANES ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN:::

Airplanes can kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.
Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
Airplanes don't get mad if you 'touch and go.'
Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.
Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you have flown before.
Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.


Airplanes don't mind if you like to look at other airplanes.

Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.

Airplanes expect to be tied down.

Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.

Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.

However, when your airplane goes quiet, just like a woman,
it can be a very bad thing!

Answer 9

Helicopters can't fly, there just so ugly that the earth repels them.
//////////////////////////////////////////
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.

After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot

Answer 10

General aviation pilot,Sitting on hold at the end of the runway awaiting clearance.After some time ,he say I'm f$$kin bored over the radio,Tower replies"who said that ?"
Same pilot says"I said I was f$$kin bored not stupid"