I'm a stay at home Mommy, and pregnant, and I need alone time! Is this selfish?

Question

My daughter is 1 1/2 and I am 9 weeks pregnant. I stay at home with my daughter, and rarely to I get to leave unless my hubby has a day off. I get frustrated with my daughter because she was (what seems to me) an overwhelming abundance of attention. I know this is her age and her phase, but sometimes I just need to be left alone! I will turn on a movie for her, and she sits and watches for an hour. I always said that I wouldn't let my kids watch a lot of TV, but it keeps her entertained long enough for me to regain my daily sanity. Am I doing something wrong? I still spend time with her and play with her, but I feel like the time she is watching her movie or playing by herself is selfish of me to spend alone. Am I wrong for wanting alone time?

Answer 1

Being a Mommy is a 24/7 job, so no it is not selfish at all to want a break. You should try to get out by yourself once a week when your hubby is home. Or if his schedule is too busy, then get a grandparent or babysitter to stay with your daughter while you go out for some "me time".

Answer 2

You are not selfish, it is important for you to get some alone time and also some time with adults that you can have social relations with. It is hard on you right now and you have every right to feel that way. You might want to see if there is any organization in your area that has a mommy day out. It is usually one or two mornings a week for a few hours where the kids can play together and you get a break or do things with other mommies who are going through the same thing.

Answer 3

I get the same guilt. My son is 25 months and I'm 36 weeks pregnant. Sometimes I just need to get something done or take 15 minutes to relax and sit down without a 2 year old orbiting me. So I put my son in his room with a safety gate in the door so I can still see and hear him. He plays happily in there and I always go get him if he wants out, but I still feel like a horrible mother for "locking" my little boy in his room.

Honestly, I think every mom has this problem. How do you balance your own needs with those of your children? I would go crazy if I didn't take a breather every now and then, but I always feel guilty so I don't enjoy it. My husband works 10-12 hour shifts 4 days a week, so he gets 3 days for his weekend. We split the first 2 days so that he gets his alone time in the morning and I get mine in the afternoon and the 3rd day is our family day. We also trade off toddler duties on weekday evenings. We hang out together after our son goes to bed, but until then we take shifts. It's the only way we can both have time to ourselves.

You should also look into a babysitting co-op. This is a group of moms, usually all from the same playgroup, who rotate babysitting services so one or two moms watch all the kids and the rest of the moms can have a couple of hours off. And the kids get to play together, so you don't feel as guilty. I babysit a handful of toddlers with another mom one Friday a month and that allows me to leave my son with one (or two) of the other moms on the other 3 Fridays if I want. You can go to CafeMom.com to see if there's anything like that in your area.

You have my sympathy. Good luck.

Answer 4

You sound JUST like me. I feel as if I am reading something I wrote I swear. Well, one difference. I now have a 2 1/2 year old and a 9 month old. I thought I needed time alone before, I'm going crazy now. It started affecting my marriage because when the children went to sleep I wanted to be totally left alone. We ended up going to therapy and I'm on Zoloft now and sending the girls to Mother's Day Out program so I get 2 half days a week to myself.

You can't be a good mother, wife, friend, etc if you can't recharge yourself. I guess the old saying is true. "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Take care of yourself. Your daughter is certainly picking up and acting out on your stress level. I learned that the hard way. Since I've calmed down my 2 1/2 year old is NOT a behavioral problem any more. It was like a light switch. Good luck!

Answer 5

You are NOT wrong for wanting/needing time alone. Anyone that has ever cared for a baby/toddler will understand that. If you don't take some time to look after yourself, you won't be able to care for anyone else.

I always said I wouldn't let my kids watch a lot of tv, but you know what, that was before I had kids. We parents do what we have to do!

Is it possible for you to get out with your daughter? Can you get to places that both of you would enjoy, like a library story time, or a playgroup. It would allow your little one time to play and someone to play with and it would give you some adult conversation.

Good luck and don't feel guilty for being human.

Answer 6

No, not at all! I understand you 100% I'm a mother of a 2yr old and due any day now with my second. Trust me EVERYONE needs time off especially when you are a stay at home mom. Grown up time or mommy time is very important in order to maintain sanity. talk to your husband or a close friend and see if they watch daughter for a lil while. Long enough for you to breath! I recommend you take time for yourself, go for walks, get your hair done, visit a book store or at least enough time to soak in the tub, just to clear your mind a bit. Take care and good luck!

Answer 7

you are doing nothing wrong. everyone need some time for themselves and having a toddler can sometimes be overwhelming. Perhaps you should find another parent and do some free time exchanging. You agree to take their child for a few hours so that they can have some personal time and in exchange they take yours for the same reason. I did that with a friend and we both loved it. It allowed me to get my nails done, run errands, or just relax for an hour in a nice bubble bath and read a good book.
and don't worry about doing real harm to your daughter by allowing her to watch a movie as long as it age appropriate and all children need to learn to entertain themselves.

Answer 8

Heck, no! You're as normal as can be. We all want some breathing room now and again.

When I went from working full-time to being home (my son was just 2 at the time), I was amazed at how much I missed the "me time" that came from working. It's tough to never go to the bathroom without someone toddling along, to never run to the drugstore without packing a baby bag.

Kids need independent play time, and adults need independent sanity-saving time. My kiddo watches tv, too, because hey, it's that or we're eating microwave dinners and wearing dirty laundry.

You're normal, and you're doing just fine. But you might want to talk to your husband about giving you a break at least now and again. I've seen *so* many movies since I left my full-time job - it's my two hours alone in a dark place with popcorn, and no one tugging at my jeans!

Answer 9

Everyone needs alone time. It is not selfish. I know it is difficult when they are that age, plus you are going through hormonal changes and everything else. Try and take it as easy as possible. Maybe you can find a Mommys Morning Out so you can at least get a few hours a week to yourself. I'm sure that would feel good! Best of Luck!

Answer 10

no you are not being selfish, I know the feeling I have a 9 year old, a 5 year old, and a 6 week old, and i go nuts sometimes! When your husband comes home, venture out to the grocery store or something, just to get a break. You deserve it, you work hard too, especially when baby comes, 24 hours, you know this already though!