Help.. Fiance's sister is against wedding what do I do?

Question

Ok so my fiance's sister is against the wedding. We have been dating for four years and she says that we are rushing into things. On top of that she stopped speaking to us after he told her to stop badgering him about seeing his grandma. Note: We live and hour away and we see her once a month while his sister lives a mile down the road and never sees her. Also, his grandma surprised me when she told a friend in front of me that her world collapsed when we became engaged. Please help!! The wedding is next year and on top of planning a wedding I have to deal with those two. I want them to be at the wedding but together we have agreed that it might not be the best thing.. Any suggestion?

More info... His mother passed away when he was eight and his dad left him when he was 12. His gma raised him...

Answer 1

It's a shame that they feel that way...obviously your fiancee doesn't agree with them (good for him!). I would actually just ignore them, plan my wedding, enjoy my wedding day and spend the rest of my life with the man who loves me. You can't allow them to ruin the happiness in your life. Good luck to you both and Congratulations!

Answer 2

They'll get over it.

My daughter got married last month. When she and her husband first got engaged, his mother and grandmother were against it - to the point that there was a physical fight between my daughter and her now-MIL (all on the MIL's part, just to clarify). Additionally, a couple of months before the wedding, they invited the now-SIL to an event with some of their other friends. She spent the evening bad-mouthing the wedding, and saying that my daughter was forcing her little brother to get married - to the point that my daughter's friends refused to have anything more to do with her (ever).

At the wedding, however, everyone came, and was on their best behavior. They all acted happy about the event, and spent a lot of time telling other guests how thrilled they were that the HC had found each other. I don't know if they were putting on an act, or if they had actually come around, but regardless, it ended up being a non-issue.

Everyone in your life is entitled to have their own opinion. They are entirely allowed to think you're doing the wrong thing. As long as they can manage to act appropriately during the event, you need to just let them have their opinions, and move on with what you know is right for you.

Answer 3

Are you super young or something? There must be a reason (silly or not) that the family doesn't want to see you two joined together for the rest of your lives just yet.

You should ask the sister (and the grandma!) why she is protesting. Why isn't she HAPPY for you? Tell her how excited you are to be a part of their family and how it hurts that they don't feel that way. Bring it out in the open.

You can try to rationalize her fears, but if you ultimately can't calm her about this and bring her to your side after an honest effort, it's really just a matter of it being YOUR life and you'll just have to do it without their blessing.
Ask for her support...Making things difficult for you is not going to stop the wedding, and it's not going to help your relationship any. If she truly wants her brother to be happy, she'll support the marriage rather than protest it and at least pretend to be happy for the two of you.
Or, she may have some valid points that make you see that you should wait a little longer. You may find that your fiance's been telling them that he doesn't feel ready yet.

While familiy is a big part of a relationship, it is YOUR relationship and no one has the right (as long as no one's being abused or anything) to come and tell you you can't get married. Your fiance should be confronting them as well when they make their comments. (*Note: you don't have to be rude, shout, or name-call to confront someone...try be polite and calm, but firm about it.)

What the grandma said is just plain rude and hurtful...and unless she's senile, she knows it. It sounds like she was deliberately being cruel. You should confront her about it and ask her why she would be so cruel like that.
The sister is also being hurtful...doesn't she realize how their negative comments are "raining on your parade?"
Are they divorced or in a bad relationship themselves?...They may be pushing their own negative feelings about marriage onto your relationship, or they could even be trying to sabotage your happiness (misery loves company).

Four years is plenty of time to be dating someone before marrying. If you're just plain too young, that's another story. If you're younger than 22, then I would advise that you prolong the engagement for a little bit...until you're more secure financially and more mature...but again, it's YOUR life and if you're an adult, then your choices are yours to make.

I'm sorry they're being hurtful and unsupportive. If you can't convince them to support you and your fiance in this, try to move forward with your plans and have as little contact with them as possible until the wedding. If you have to (if things get nasty), ask them to attend the wedding only if they are there to support the two of you in marriage...that is the whole point of the marriage ceremony being in front of family and friends...they are welcome at your wedding and in your lives, but only if they will support you as a couple.

Answer 4

Sounds like you are marrying into a dsyfunctional family. "The In Laws". If they don't want to come to the wedding so be it. No sense in letting it stress you out. Have you wedding and enjoy it with the people who love you and would love to attend your wedding. Just ignore the "Her world collapsed when you became engaged" bull. It's all an act. She's just looking for attention. My advice: Move far away, and get caller ID, they are not getting things off to a good start.

Answer 5

I dont understand why they have a say in the matter, especially his sister. Grandma, shes an old lady and probably thinks she has earned the right to uncensor her words, hopefully she wont be kicking around much longer. Frankly I find it strange that a sibling would object, and wonder if she is craving the attention of her brother? Which is very disturbing indeed. Get to the bottom of this before you marry him.

Answer 6

It sounds like they are both being completely selfish and immature (an immature grandmother, who knew?). The wedding is not until next year so I would do the best you can to be nice and polite to them. Maybe they will turn around, maybe not. Maybe your fiance can talk to them or maybe his parents could help you guys out with them? I wouldn't banish them from the wedding but I would have your fiance tell them that this is a happy time for the two of you and you don't need their negativity or their drama. Good luck.

Answer 7

Have you talked to either of them about why they are so against it? Are you financially unstable, are there communication issues, is he too immature, was the bulk of it during a "freebie" period like high schoo?.....there could be tons of variables. Just because you have dated for 4 years doesn't mean you are ready for marriage. Talk with them and find out, then examine their reservations to see if maybe they have a valid point. It's hard to be objective when you are the one in the realtionship.

Otherwise, send them an invitation and let it go. Don't bother them with planning or pester them to give their approval. Hopefully they will come around in time.

Answer 8

YOu are just going to have to grow a thick skin and carry on regardless of what you say. Obviously your man loves you and wants to marry you no matter what these nasty ladies say or think. So just go ahead with it and turn a deaf ear to their rubbish.
Plan the wedding, including inviting them, but if they dont show or threaten not to turn up, ignore it. Chances are they will attend anyways, but if not, that is their loss.
Good luck

Answer 9

Sounds like they feel like you are stealing him from them. Your fiance needs to sit the two of them down and have a long talk with them. They need to accept the fact that you are getting married and that you are not going anywhere. If they can't accept it, they can't be part of your lives. He needs to make this clear to them.

Answer 10

Whether those two's point of view are valid or not, they are still his family. You will still need to treat them with respect. I suggest you try to see if you can prove to them that you make your man happy, and that you will try your darn-est to be a good wife. Other than that, there isn't anything you can do.

The reality is, if they don't approve now, they are probably never going to. That is something you are going to have to learn to accept and live with.