My fiance and I have just started talking about whether we want children. We are both unsure. I have always wanted children, but have many fears- finances mostly (we do both have college degrees and full-time jobs, but we've made a late start in that area). I am 29, he is 28. We'll be married when I'm 30 and him still 28. I have always wanted to be a young parent- and am afraid I won't be ready until I'm 35 or so. Emotionally, I am ready now but I want to be financially prepared. How will I know when I am financially prepared??? We also want to travel and enjoy the freedoms of no children, but the idea of no children ever is a little heartbreaking... ugh this is really hard!
2007-11-28 06:53:08 · 8 answers · asked by boggin828 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I just want to thank you all. I just went to lunch and came back to find 51 answers! Wow! I feel like all your answers are wonderful and informative. We will consider everything you've said.
2007-11-28 07:48:12 · update #1
I didn't mean to write 51, ha ha... 6 answers- jeepers! Still an amazing response, haha!
2007-11-28 07:53:20 · update #2
I had my first at 34, my second at 37 and my third at 39. All healthy kids. I got married when I was 29 and my husband was 23.
We weren't ready financially at all as my husband had just gone back to university (his parents didn't help him, so he had to work to save money to go). When we started trying for a baby, I was 31 and he was just about to graduate from university, but still had no job. It took us 2 years to conceive a child. We had what they called "unexplained infertility" -- eventually, we discovered that my immune system was killing his sperm immediately, so we had to trick my body into recognizing his sperm as okay and not a bacteria or virus.
By the time we conceived our first, we were in no better financial shape. By the time we had our second, still no better. The last was an unplanned pregnancy -- coming when we were probably at our worst spot financially.
You know what? We've never wanted for anything. We got used to buying good clothes at thrift shops. I'm wearing a beautiful Gap sweater right now that I got for $3. My kids wear Gap, Gymboree, Ralph Lauren -- all the best brands, and it all comes from thrift stores and you'd never know it.
We learned how to garden. We fell in love with the local farmer's market where we can get organic food -- including chicken and beef -- for the same price as super market slop. We drive older cars, but they are safe and functional. We have become the world's most ardent supporters of recycling, reusing, reducing waste. We're making a little more money now, and we're always "just getting by" but it's enough.
We don't take vacations, but we have our three lovely, bright kids to entertain us. Some day, we'll go to Rome, Ireland, whatever -- we'll do that when we retire. We have no regrets.
Making babies is a GOOD thing to do.
2007-11-28 07:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by sparki777 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was 31 when I got married. Both my husband and I have degrees and careers as well. We were together for six years before we got married and he still wasn't keen on the idea of kids when we did get married.
It turned out to be a matter of selfishness on his part. He was more worried about what he would miss. Finally a few years later when my dad was on his death bed and my husband saw how his children gathered around him to comfort him and ease his anxieties about whether he was a good dad or not...he changed his mind. How sad to grow old and have no one. My dad had three kids showering him with love and sharing all the memories we cherished from our lives with him as he fought cancer for two years. What a lonely, angonizing time it would have been without his kids holding him up and cheering him on.
I had our first child at 35, our second at 37 and at 40 I'm pregnant with our third. I've always wanted to travel, but I can tell you that I don't regret deciding to have children at all. They are the BEST decisions I've ever made. I can't explain the love I feel for those children. I can't explain the joy they bring me and my husband everyday. I don't care if I ever see another part of the world for the rest of my life....I have what matters most.
My husband and I really enjoy spending all our time with our kids. Neither of us has the desire to go out anymore. WE love to do dinner once in awhile...but clubbing is sooooo out. We love doing family trips with our kids.
The thought of us not ever having kids will bring tears to both our eyes. We can't believe we almost made that decision.
Oh, and like my mom always said if you wait until you can afford them, you will never have them.
2007-11-28 07:14:52 · answer #2 · answered by Bubbles 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I started late too. I had my first at 34, and am having my second now-and am almost 36. You will never think you are financially prepared!! Babies don't have to cost alot. My husband and I both have good jobs, own our home, but we felt we didn't have to buy all new for the baby, and bought clothes and furniture and toys for him off craigslist.com, or thrift shops. We took the money we felt we saved and put it in a bank account and cd for my son.
2007-11-28 07:00:38 · answer #3 · answered by kathsps 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
all i can say is if you and your fiance are both unsure, then dont have any children just yet.. wait until you both know that is exactly what you want......children do take a lot of money so be prepared for that.. i have 2 baby girls under the age of 1 and i never have any spending money for just me.......when you are sure you want babies, you will know it :)... then that is when you should start trying.
2007-11-28 06:58:36 · answer #4 · answered by I ♥ my irish twins! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same thing and I am the same age. We have decided after my 31 b-day (he will be 30) I will stop taking birth control and not try to get pregnant but not try not to. And we will see what happens. If it happens it was meant to be.
2007-11-28 07:03:23 · answer #5 · answered by LoLo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You utilized for a job working with teenagers all day while they "scare" you? it is weird and wonderful... anyhow, basically enable them to understand from the initiating that they are there to do homework and learn. exhibiting issues hands on works the terrific too, fairly with math.
2016-12-30 06:02:09 · answer #6 · answered by dietlin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should travel during your honeymoon and have a child right after. You're really late on getting married??? the more you wait to have kids the higher your risk for miscarriages. What did you do from 18-30. thats a 12 year gap????
2007-11-28 07:51:20 · answer #7 · answered by josie 3 · 0⤊ 5⤋
kids are lots of fun but its a matter of knowing when its right and honesty you don't have to pick your body and heart will tell you that so live your lives have fun and let faith have at it
2007-11-28 06:59:50 · answer #8 · answered by Ayana G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋