behavioural disorder?

Question

i was approached by my sons montessori teacher today and she spoke o me calmly and told me she thinks my son should be assessed for a behavioural disorder. He is extremely intelligent for his age, she said he excels himself in everything but has reason to believe he has a disorder after observing his behaviour since the start of year. she said he lashes out and is aggressive, he does not make eye contace, finds it hard to do as he is told, he speaks like an adult and is very difficult to mind. he wriggles about under the table and causes disruption to anyone else. the other kids find him intimidating. he is loud and extremely stubborn and strongheaded, disciplining him, she said, is har. I agree with her in the fact that he is very difficult to mind, to discipline and to get him to do anything, he is genuinely not a bad boy, as he is relatively good with me, but cant handle when he is in a big crowd. He has had alot of changes in his life. what do u think? ne1 been tru this....

sometimes i feel it is just a boy being a boy not all kids can sit ther and be angels the hole time i say he just a handful, just sick of people saying he could have something wrong with him, they should be praising the intelligence he has

he is four year old. we explain to him situations and are firm with him in disciplining him, he has always been in social situations, i feel fed up with explaining why he can not act a certain way, some people would look at him and think delinquant but it not that way at all.

Answer 1

he sounds angry and upset that big changes have ahppened in his life that he hasn't been able to control and didnt' want to happen in the first place. if you can understand this there is a chance that you will find a solution that will work for him.
i'm a discipline concious person, but i recently went through this with my daughter, and i found that going in the opposite direction and giving her everything she wanted a few times turned around the situation. and no giving her what she wanted didn't make her happy... infact what happened was that she wasn't happy even when she had what she wanted, and so it took soothing words, of 'you have nothing to worry about you have everything you wanted and you are in mummy's arms so everything is ok' about 5 mintues later she would be well again.
at the end of the day it's about re-installing his sense of being able to control the world around him. at the moment the only way he is able to do that is to behave badly and push people's buttons. and for his age, he can't see beyond that so you have to guide him out of it so to speak.
the times i chose to do this is when she would have a melt down for no apparent reason, or over a really minor reason. perhaps if you choose good moments and do the same you might find him starting to settle down. if the changes in his life are big, it will probably take alot of time to get back to the angel you once knew... but stick with it, dont' give up and please dont' give in to the ADD diagnosis before you've really tried to do the best by him.

Answer 2

hi i can relate to how ur feeling my wee boy is 3 and a half and is the exact same as ur son only difference is he doesnt have the speech,after much arguing with the h.v. the school managed to get an appointment with the peadatrician who assessed him and we found out he has mild autism.
i dont want to freak u out r anything but i could be wrong this might be aspergers syndrome which is also a sort of autism r daughter has,the reason i think this is what u have mentioned about eye contact crowds and strongheaded(my 2 all over lol)
the fact he has had a lot of changes recently could explain his behaviour and he probably has not got a behavioural problem,the fact the teacher has spoken with u is good,u could maybe make an appointment with ur health visitor and explain ur concerns and she feels its neccessary then she will refer u to a paedatrician and he will take it from there,in the meantime if u wish u could keep a diary of everything that happens as we done this will help give them a clearer picture and help diagnose the correct disorder if there is one!

i hope i have helped u,goodluck i wish u and ur son all the best, takecare.

Answer 3

I think that caregivers to readily prescribe children with behavioral disorders. I mean my goodness he is a kid! Perhaps he's bored. If he excels at everything given to him maybe he finds the curriculum there to be below his intellect. Maybe he needs to be moved up a level. Or even switched to a different school.
You can of course talk to your pediatrician about this, but it sounds to me like he is just looking for extra attention while he is at school.
How old is he? That would help me answer your question a little more fully. If he's 2-3... then it sounds like he's just being a boy. If he's 4-5... then maybe it's time to work on his manners around others. Either way he sounds perfectly normal to me. We are not programmed to sit still and behave constantly... especially when we are children.
Best of Luck :o)

Answer 4

I don't think she would have spoken to you lightly or off the cuff - she is a professional and presumably has had much experience of boys at that age.
Have you thought about his diet - introduce omega 3 if you haven't already - link to one suitable for his age - a friend gives it her son in an oral syringe of 5ml with a small sweet to follow it (organic jelly bear from the health food shop). (or stir it into a small set jelly)
After two weeks you should see a difference, the brain needs this stuff - if it doesn't get it it uses what it can which doesn't do the job, it can really help children become calmer and more able to concentrate. I hope it works for your son too (I was so impressed I started taking the grown up version myself!)
Tutti frutti is bubblegum flavour
http://www.fishoilandomega3.co.uk/Products/nutri-eskimo-kids.htm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/articles/intelligenceandmemory/omega_three.shtml

Answer 5

Sounds like a reasonably bright 4yo that's bored a lot of the time, to me, and lacks structure to his activities.

Be consistent with him at home, esp with the discipline. Get him doing stuff that stretches him - like, teach him to read? Expect him to work out the probable consequence of his actions *before* he lands himself in trouble. If he has difficulty doing as he is told a) break down the instructions into smaller stages and b) insist! He also needs to learn how to behave among other kids without a parent sitting on his shoulder constantly.

when my kids were small i was friendly with someone with a boy of the same age (we met at antenatal classes!) and he was a little so-and-so. The biggest part of the problem fizzled out (in the classroom) when he started proper school and got a class teacher who wasn't prepared to put up with his antics. Up till then he'd been allowed to run wild ... funnily enough he went to a montessori nursery too. And funnily enough, he couldn't handle being one of a crowd either.

I think part of the problem was that at home he ruled the roost and had constant one-on-one attention from his mum, never had to figure out for himself what was acceptable, and wasn't checked if he mis-behaved. At home, if he kicked off, he was found something else to do, never expected to finish anything, put toys away, or share (even attention)with anyone else. He was horrible to his baby sister when she came along! Actually, i had to stop inviting them round because my two didn't like him (they adored his sister!) and he stressed me out so much.

Answer 6

Whether your child has a behaviour problem or not, the fact a teacher approached you, tells me there is a problem. Start writing all the things down that seem unusual, it may come in very handy in the months to come.
Maybe you could talk to your Doc, they will advise you and get someone to look at your child professionally. It is better this happens to confirm or rule out a possible problem and get him the help he will need.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

It might be worthwhile getting your son checked for Asperger's Syndrome or some form of autism, as some of the things the teacher has mentioned, ie, the not making eye contact, agression, and the intelligence are all signs.

Please don't be offended by this suggestion, as it is just trying to help, and don't be offended by the teacher's comments either, as it is someone who is a childcare professional

Answer 8

Sounds like you and him and the teacher need to meet with him and make him understand what hes doing is wrong and pin point each action he did. You need to force him to be in more crowds so he can adjust qicker and get used to crowds or it might turn in to a disorder. Good luck!

Answer 9

Sounds exactly like my 5 year old. I don't know about a behavioral disorder but what you describe is just what my kid does. I would be very interested if you find something to know, maybe my kid has a problem too..

Answer 10

sounds like my 4 year old

they did a sticker chart for every 15 minutes he good he gets a smily face on the chart works like a charm talk to them about it