I'm an Atheist and i love my Christian girlfriend.?

Question

Im just wondering how many out there are in this or a simular situation.

Im not sure she fully understands how much of an atheist i am, i have talked to her about it but im afraid she thinks im going through a phase or dosnt think im as much of an atheist as i say i am.

I plan on getting married to this girl and im fine with a christian wedding. It makes more sence for us to have a christian wedding since i dont have a prefrence and she does. but when it comes to our future children, i dont know what to do. I want my kids to make up their own mind by making sure they have the option to from the very begining. it took me 20 years to figure things out and i could have used that time developing myself further. Any advise is welcome, but try to keep it productive.

Answer 1

if the christian/atheist stuff doesn't get in the way of your relationship then just go for it.
i'm agnostic and i have a few religious friends, but we enjoy each other because we don't try to "convert" one another. so if you guys get along that way then it's okay.

Answer 2

Judging from personal experience, this will never work. If you can see that there is a problem now then you need to act on it appropriately now. i.e. you need to break up with her. It's better to do so now than later. Why? Why put her through it all? Why would you make promises to God if you think that he doesn't exist? Wouldn't a Christian marriage just make a huge liar out of you? The marriage would be bogus and baseless. As for any potential children, they would be the most hurt and screwed up people you would ever meet. Why would you want your children, whom you would love more than life itself, have to daily choose between you and their mother? The "marriage" would probably work for a little while, but it will never last. Sorry.
Actually I'm surprised that the relationship has lasted this long.

Answer 3

I think, if you were to get married and have kids they should be exposed to, and baptized by the christian religion. When they grow up to high school age they will begin questioning their faith, it's human nature to reject all authority at some point.

In the end they will make the decision that is best for them. But if you don't introduce them to the idea of church, God, faith, and religion, they will never learn them. Or they learn them from the wrong influences and become extremest.

Your proposal is mature, and a serious question for once on Y!answers.

I'm 25, not atheist, but not a church member, and I was raised in a very strict church, but in the end every person will always choose there own path.

As a parent you just open as many doors as you can, and guide the kids to explore for themselves.

At least that's what I think, but then again who really has the 'right' answer to your situation.

Answer 4

You really need to have a very long talk with her about this.. especially if she isn't a lax Catholic but loves her faith and does everything with joy.
If you are having a real Catholic ceremony you will be going to something called Engagement Encounter and also be given a compatiblity test. This might open her eyes a bit.
Two cases I might add:
One gal I know married an unbaptized guy and they have 2 children he had no problem(this he told me) signing a paper that said he would not in anyway hinder his wife from raising their children in faith. He doesn't have any faith but he didn't feel the need to prevent her from doing her duty for those kids.
I also know a 'pagan' that was going with a Catholic girl for a long time she was very devout. They could not compromise ..both were very strong in their beliefs...they broke up a few months ago and she is now going with another devout Catholic.
There is enough things in marriage to argue about, from sex, to money to inlaws so don't let this very important part of your life not be discussed.. better to have a perfect understanding now than end up in divorce court for incompatibility.

Answer 5

I'm an Atheist too, and dated a Jehovah's Witness for 4 years... The religion didn't get in the way to much. (she wasn't even supposed to date non-witnesses) Until the end of the relationship when I could tell she wanted more, and I told her at 20 I just couldn't get married and have kids. We broke up, were best friends for a while, then she got pregnant 8 months after we broke up with some illegal immigrant at her work. I guess all I'm saying is don't let her use her religion as a reason to justify things in the relationship that you don't want to do or aren't ready to do.

Answer 6

I kind of go back and forth between atheist and agnostic - I don't believe in any religion, and I'm pretty sure there is no 'God', at least not the way various religions decribe him/her/or it.

I've been happily married to a Christian woman for almost 12 years. She has become somewhat more cynical since we've been together, and we both have a lot of respect for each others beliefs (or lack thereof).

My 8 year old daughter has been raised with a mix of our beliefs. I don't mind her having religious beliefs, but I also try to make sure that she questions what she believes, and doesn't just accept things that people tell her.

Answer 7

Make sure you are very clear to her about this. You need to talk about how you are planning on raising the kids and ask her what she want in raising the kids. When it come to a Christian weeding some pastor will not marry if the two are unequally yoked=of different beliefs, so you will have to check on that too. Make sure you both go into this knowing fully what the other wants.

Answer 8

I think that it is a very hard thing to be a Christian and marry an Athiest and not expect to change them into a Christian, because as a Christian you know that the person is not going to spend eternity with you. You also will want your children to be Christian so that they will go to heaven also, and would that be ok? There are many issues that you really have to consider, and that she has to consider, does she really think she can live with you being an athiest forever or is she hoping to help change you? It's far easier to ask someone to believe in something that they think exists rather than to ask someone to stop believing in something they don't think exists, do you know what I mean? But it just depends on both of your levels of belief in your Athiesm and her Christianity.

Answer 9

When I first met my boyfriend 9 years ago he kind of thought of me being atheist as a joke and didn't take it seriously. It never really bothered him until I got pregnant and he began to force catholicism on me. He tried to make me read the bible and was adamant about getting married. I'm pretty sure it was his fathers idea about the marriage proposal but still, it was pretty fricking annoying and I almost left him because of it. He later converted to atheism after he tried to get me to prove god doesn't exist and I simply asked him to prove that he does. He spent hours on the internet looking for "proof" and ended up converting himself.

I am a lot like you whereas I want my son to grow up learning about all religions and giving him the option to choose one or choose none at all. If my boyfriend had remained a closeminded lunatic I definitely would have left him because there was no way I was gonna raise a child that way.

You need to have a discussion with her about your beliefs and hers. You need to be very clear with each other about what you expect and how you plan to raise a family. If you can't come to an agreement the relationship won't last.

Answer 10

How important is religion to your girlfriend? Do her parents approve of the marriage? Let me tell you, marrying somebody of a different faith is way harder than it seems, you just have to find a balance between the two, and be willing to talk and have great communication about that, and pretty much everything. As long as you do that, you will be fine, just make sure and talk to your girl about everything, including the future, and how you plan to raise your kids.

Answer 11

I think you're right about letting the kids make up their own minds too but have you spoken to your girlfriend over this? You'll have to make it clear what you want but if she feels strongly about getting them christened then does it really matter? You dont mind having a Christian wedding after all...once the kids are older they'll still have a choice anyway so it's not a big deal. If she wants to raise them that way then it's fine just as long as she knows that you won't be and that they'll be aware of your beliefs too.