How do you deal with a rude uptight sister in law?

Question

Well, luckily she's not my sister in law yet, but she will be. Everytime I see her she has this fake sweetness about her and then she starts arguments with everyone around her about everything. I think she believes the world revolves around her, because, when she wants something she makes everyone around her cater to what she wants. Her family begrudgingly goes along with her demands, but I am not the type of person who will do that. I am worried I will call her out one day and I don't want there to be conflict, but I can't stand the way she treats everyone and acts. What do I do?

Guess I didn't make it very clear, it's not my brothers girlfriend, it's my boyfriends sister. She's the sister in law I can't stand.

Answer 1

Honestly? Smile and be polite. Bite your tongue. No one is forcing you to see her, so you if it bothers you so much, don't come around as often. Anyways, bickering with any of his family is the WORST thing you can do.

Answer 2

how is your relationship with your brother? Does he see the same thing you do?

Running this by him first may help avoid a big mess or even a falling out (especially if you have a temper, things could get ugly fast) because most likely he has turned a blind eye to her behavior and let him know how she treats everyone. Everyone will be nice to her for your brothers sake but trust me this will only get worse over time and imagine if children are in the plans.

think of it as a snowball effect the longer it goes the bigger and more powerful it gets.

But if the talking doesn't help or your brother doesn't seem to take your thoughts into consideration just let him know that relationships will be strained and only bad things can result from her demanding behavior

Answer 3

You sound as though you really want to not mess up the relationship for your brother or to cause a rift if like you said you call her out one day about her behaviour.

Try being perfectly polite to her - as in be exactly polite but don't go out of the way to help her out. If she wants a drink tell her where she can find the glasses, and what she wants - but don't go and pour it for her. If she wants something help her figure out where it is, but don't wait on her hand and foot.

If you have a chance have a quiet talk with your closest relatives one on one and find out how they find her behaviour - it may be that they feel the same way yet haven't got the heart to tell her either. Whatever happens make yourself comfortable in your space - if she is coming to your house then she follows your rules.

Be true to yourself and what you feel and hopefully things will come riht. If you bend over backwards too long you will eventually snap and it could mean a major fight and bad feelings.

Answer 4

Whatever you do, you need to do it soon. If you keep trying to ignore it and holding it in, one day you are going to snap and say and do things you may later regret.
First of all, let me remind you that it is hard coming into a close family and being an out sider. It is often to know what to say, what to do and how to act. So I say embrace her and make sure that she feels loved and accepted so she isn't defensive. If you already have done that or it doesn't work, then reality sets in.
No one has the right to be rude or demanding. Handle each small thing as it occurs instead of letting it build up into a big deal. Try saying things like, "In our family, everyone does for themselves." next time she wants to be waited on. "In our family we don't ...," If she is rude tell her so, "I don't appreciate your attitude or your tone of voice." or something like "Do you know how that sounds or how that makes someone feel?" Lastly refuse to argue with her. It is okay to agree not to agree.

Answer 5

I understand where your coming from girlfriend... I have a whole family of in-laws like that. I am not sure where my poor husband really came from. He is the best for 13 years of marriage. They are the rudest people I have ever met. I have a strong personality and so needless to say they do not like me because I will not put up with there bull. If I were you I would stand my ground now, and see where it takes you. If they do not except your personality, then they can deal with getting over it. I know it will hurt, but you will survive the bashing. My sis-in -law thinks she is Queen! I can not stand to be around her. As all she does is talk about all the other in-laws, and then brag about how pretty she herself is. actually this makes her butt ugly. So, now we just stay away from all of them. My husband can't stand his own family either. The best one out of all of them is deceased. That was my mother-in-law. Poor lady was put through hell on earth. I hope your fiance will stand behind you like mine has me when you marry. Best of luck with the out-laws. LOL!

Answer 6

How much do you want your brother and his children in your life??? Because that's the gauge for how much crap you should put up with. If it's really important to you (and I hope it is), then, you're just going to have to learn to bite your tongue. This doesn't mean that you have to cater to her. You have a right to POLITELY set reasonable boundaries. But choose them wisely, because every one of them brings a risk with it. Work very hard at going out of your way to be more than fair.

Who knows, maybe she'll mellow with time and you'll develop a very good relationship. In the meantime, remember, this is the woman your brother will be sleeping with: there is no way you can win against her.

Answer 7

Don't cater to her; maybe everyone else is sick of her too and will follow your example. Calling her out will only cause more friction and since she will know that she annoys you, she may just give you a little extra "attention" in that area to irritate you even more.

Answer 8

Sounds like she's bi-polar or a narcisisist. You won't beable to do anything about it unless you educate your self on both.

I love being the one who calls people out! Can't help it, but I do. And I am not the type who keeps letting people with NO power tell me what to do!

Try and stay away from her, and just live your life!!

Answer 9

get up in her face and tell her like it is you gotta do what you gotta do or other wise she'll walk all over you.

And let her know that you can see right through that fake smile and the sweetness tell her (you ain't foolin' me sister with all the niceness and sweetness) and don't back down like I said get right up in her face.

Answer 10

Take from one who knows....ignore everything about her that annoys you. Calling her out will do absolutely nothing to change her; it will only give her the battle she is hoping for. Paying no attention to her will bother her much more than a confrontation would.