His teacher came to me this morning, and said that one day last week after completing a math paper (on something they had never done) He got five problems wrong, he broke down and cried. He is a straight A student, but he can not stand to fail at anything. I blame it on the fact that everything comes so easy to him. He doesnt have to study or ever have to work to understand anything. His teacher let the entire class redo the paper that he missed five on and he got all five right. He has even cried after getting a 90 on a paper. I have tried to tell him that all I could ever ask of him is his best! Ive never fussed at him for missing anything. I dont know what to do.... any help would be greatly appreciated!
2007-11-28 06:09:56 · 7 answers · asked by RenWal 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
For the most part, it's just going to take him being wrong more often for him to get over it. You COULD try to watch Meet the Robinsons (or rewatch it), as one of its lessons is SO relevant to your situation. The main character learns that success often comes through failures. When you fail at something, you learn from it, which helps you to become more successful in the future. You can even use the math sheet as an example for him. He missed those 5 problems the first time around, but through missing them, he was later able to figure them out and get them correct. Sometimes it's easier to see areas of improvement when they're in someone else. Watching the movie might help him to see that it's okay to fail as long as you keep trying to learn from those failures. Good luck! It sounds like you've got a bright and sensitive kid on your hands. :)
2007-11-28 08:49:49 · answer #1 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i tell my kids if they don't ever get things wrong, then they're not trying difficult enough things. my daughter reported yesterday that she got some questions wrong on a spelling "pretest" that sounds much like what your son was doing (something the kids hadn't studied yet). I said that was great because if she didn't get any wrong on the pretest then she wasn't learning new words.
i'm not sure what you can do beyond praising effort instead of grades (which it sounds like you're already doing). some kids are naturally perfectionists. still, i think it's definitely good if he struggles with this now rather than when he gets older. my husband teaches at a major university where the kids aren't used to ever getting less than an a. when they inevitably do at the university level, many of them are devastated and simply give up. far better to experience "failure" early and learn how to deal with it.
2007-11-28 14:21:47 · answer #2 · answered by ... 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who is he upset with when his papers come back with the mistakes? Does he blame himself? or Does he blame the teacher.
Your son is compulsive--that is, he has his own drive, and he's pushing himself to reach his goal--perfection. He's never going to reach it, and until he learns to cope with even a little bit of failure, he's going to feel guilty and depressed.
I dont' know what to tell you to do with your son, but if he were mine, I'd find a developmental psychologist, test him and make sure everything is on schedule, and get a little bit of talk therapy to help convince him that not everybody does well in everything. and that's normal--it gives us a better understanding of our subject if we see how mistakes are made--we can look out for that next time.
I'm glad you have a child who cares about school. I've a 17yo and his gf is more important than remembering to turn in papers. He does the work, he's an AB student, but just doesn't turn in his papers. He's failing two classes. :(
And the worst thing is, I don't think he cares enough to change. He started off saying I'm going to MIT and now we're not even sure he'll make it at Texas A&M. In fact, we thinking of keeping him home the first two years at a jr. college. So sad for a kid who is so smart!
Reminds me of genius' who couldn't tie their shoes or remember to eat. Einstein got thrown out of school (3rd grade, I think) and his teacher said he would never amount to anything. She just didn't understand the way he solved problems.
Your son is a textbook case of a perfectionist. It's hard to deal with, I know, because I am, a perfectionist, too. I spent many yrs in therapy trying to remember that "good enough" is ok.
Right now I'm planning a party for my daughter's college graduation and I have SO MANY ideas of how to make it better, who else to invite, where to get the food...I need ritalin just to slow my mind down to the speed limit!
I hope your son learns to control his perfectionism early, and maybe he won't have to struggle with it throughout his life. Watch for signs of OCD, because perfectionism & OCD walk hand in hand.
2007-11-28 15:10:15 · answer #3 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always tell my students that it is good to get things wrong once in a while, because then I know what I need to teach them. This helps to relieve the pressure of tests. Just be sure to explain this carefully, so he doesn't start getting things wrong on purpose.
2007-11-28 19:40:16 · answer #4 · answered by sooobored 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just needs a little maturity to understand that with everything in life there is successes and failures. He has to understand that with every failure....life will go on. You are handling it correctly and he may come to understand that failure is no sign that life is over as he knows it. Failure can as easily be a learning experience as successes. Just give him time and maybe with age will come wisdom.
2007-11-28 14:29:03 · answer #5 · answered by Grandma of 2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is a perfectionist. It is difficult for them to understand it is okay not to be perfect every time. I can't think of a way to help him besides continually telling him it is okay to not get 100% especially on a practice exercise.
2007-11-28 14:17:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow....poor child :(
my suggestion i know that problem solving is kinda top with 2nd grade student.....my son his smart just like your son...but ofcourse if they start having a new different kinda stuff to learn they start to freak out...what i did i explain everything to my son...for him to be able to answer that question he needs to pay ATTENTION for what his doing.....is not like his just reading it but without him understanding the COMPLETE question....it will be HARD for him to understand it.......anyways what i did......i made a game to my son (math problem solving) i gave him a question that will make him interested......like for example...if i gave him money then his money is $100.00 how many toys can he get if the toy cost $5....trust me he will start wondering and try to solve that problem....now he likes that kinda game.
my son his very good on math his also a 2nd grader(about a mth he got a math award) but like i mention if the teacher gave them something new/different without anyone EXPLANATION they will lost interest....now my son teacher put my son on 3rd grade math and his still doing great.........hey good luck
2007-11-28 14:49:01 · answer #7 · answered by angel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋