I am dating a guy with a baby. I have never had kids and always thought my boyfriend, or husband would always have our first child together. is it really that big of a deal? Does it cause problems and does the relationship ever work out?
2007-11-28 05:56:44 · 4 answers · asked by Floridagirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It causes problems when you (the nonparent) aren't flexible.
Some things to think about:
his kid is always going to be there.
In some things, the kid will come before you, even after you have children with him.
If there is child support involved, it comes out of the household money. If you resent the child support--get out now.
(The next section is true only if the mother is living and active in the child's life)
You are not the parent, you are not the mother, the kid has a mother. Think of your relationship with the child as you are the cool aunt. Your job is to befriend the kid and let him/her know that you are another adult who has his/her best interest at heart. Your job is to be a spokes person or mediator between the child and the dad. You CANNOT be the disciplinarian, when one of the parents is present--it must be the father or the mother.
If you can't love the child, then like the child. If you can't like the child, then fake it--never let the child think you think any less of him/her than you do your own children. If you can't fake it, then this man isn't the man for you.
NEVER NEVER GET PULLED INTO THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT WITH THE EX. That's your man's drama, let him deal with that. Just be polite, chipper, sympathetic, even sweet towards her regardless of her treatment of you and your honey.
These relationships CAN and DO work. If you have a good relationship with the child, then he/she will be thrilled to have little brothers and sisters and your children with their father will make the child feel closer to you.
Only you know if you can get over the disappointment of not having your man's only offspring. IF you can do that, then you could have a very rich, full, happy life with him and his child. IF you can't, then you need to be mature enough to move on and find someone who doesn't already have children.
There is no wrong or right way to be in this situation. It really is all about your personal preference, how you want to live your life, and how you can make things work.
Good Luck to you.
2007-11-28 06:21:35 · answer #1 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends how much you like children. It doesn't matter whos kids they are children need to be disciplined and taught respect, if your not willing to take on the task than don't. Most people are surprised at the amount of work that it takes to raise children, some people have the natural ability. some people dont even like to be in the same room with any children.
2007-11-28 14:02:46 · answer #2 · answered by snrugglebau1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It shouldn't matter that he has a kid. What you do need to examine is how he treats his kid and the mother. Does he spend time with him, give child support, does he trash his ex etc...
2007-11-28 14:13:34 · answer #3 · answered by Jesse S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really like him then it sholudn't matter that he have a child. Just make sure he don't have baby mamma drama!!
2007-11-28 14:04:14 · answer #4 · answered by Markesha M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋