What Happened to Dinner at Home After The Wedding?

Question

My friend is having a very small wedding with only immediate family. Then she is having a sit down dinner at her home with family. She wants it to be intimate and memorable. And I thought this is cool, and memorable, and cost effective.
Has anyone done this or plans to do so.
I know this tradition started in the 40's to 60's I believe.

Answer 1

Hi. Very interesting that you bring up this topic. To be quite honest, I believe that you are going to see more and more couples opting for this in the future. The average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is upwards of $25,000 and is predicted to go to $30,000+ by 2010 (I did my research!) So....given that expense, I think people are going back to the "old fashioned" way of doing things.

I work at a church with many elderly people. I love to ask them about their weddings! Most, of course, were in the church. They usually only had 1 attendant each. Some simply wore their best Sunday dress....others did have a wedding gown. The dinner was held either at the church or in the home of the bride's parents. Very nice!

To be honest.....the tradition goes back lots further than the 40s....probably to the 20s. Starting in the 50s-60s couples DID start having bigger receptions but many were still held in homes.

It was all so nice and simple then!

Answer 2

I'm getting married this coming summer and we are doing the exact same thing. We're having a very small outdoor wedding with just family and then instead of a reception, we're having a sit-down dinner at home afterward with our family. This is exactly what I want, but a lot of people act like I'm committing a sin by having a non-traditional wedding.

I'll admit I originally planned on having a more traditional wedding, but after a lot of thought I realized that a smaller wedding is what I really want. My fiance does too.

Answer 3

I think that is a very nice idea if money is a big issue and they really don't want a whole lot of people there. However with my family, even just immediate family is almost 30 people, and we eat together all the time, so it wouldn't be all that memorable for me, but if they don't get together often, then this is definitely a good way to have a chance to get to see everyone one on one instead of with 100+ others around.

Answer 4

Before everyone starts giving me thumbs down for not saying this is a great idea--I'm being practical here. There is a lot to go in to that idea.

First off thats a lot of time you have to spend cooking. And lets say you do mini sandwiches, fruit salad, and something like lasagna as the main course. One 13x9 pan usually holds 6 servings. 30 people thats 5 pans. Depending on how you make lasagna thats something like $100 on that. Then sandwiches you'd need different meats like ham, turkey roast beef. You'd spend $100 on meats. Salad ingredients are expensive. Especially on what types of produce you use but that could easily run you another $100. Fruit could run you several hundred easily depending on what you make. And you haven't even gotten to cake! Caterers don't make that much money--the majority of the expense is in the food. Plus you have to have the time to do all this.

Then if you make something in advance, like lasagna, where are you going to store it? You'll need more than one fridge or freezer. Even if your freezer was completely empty, it's only going to hold a couple pans. You'll also need someone to heat it back up while you are at the wedding/taking pictures.

You'll still need to borrow or rent more chairs, silverware, plates, glasses. The cost of that racks up. Probably an extra table or two to put the cake and beverages on. Think about even if you are having just 25 people--my house doesn't have seating for 25. The tables for serving people can't count as seating room either. And that's if your house would have room for the people. You need multiple bathrooms which usually involves allowing people into your bedroom. I know the week of my wedding was so frantic we didn't have time for house cleaning and my mom would have thrown a fit at people seeing a messy house.

None of this includes the includes the added cost of your electric bill. All that added cooking, the door being opened all the time (especially if its summer a/c), and the dishwasher to clean all the dishes. Overall that seems minor but $100 here, $100 there add up.

If you are really concerned about the cost, price having a caterer come to your house. Even if you go with something cheap like bbq, if it includes the sides and the clean up, it's probably a cost savings.

Now all the people that are mad at me--I said nothing about the atmosphere. It's a great idea. Intimate and very memorable. If it's a small wedding, it definitely gives you the feel of having time with the guests and the bride and groom. You'll still probably want the hotel room for a night alone before the honeymoon. I think it's amazing that a couple would want to do that, want a small scale intimate wedding. However just don't assume it's a cost savings.

I've been event planning for years and most of the time, when we try to plan an event in the backyard (the location is free--so it will be cheaper), it's never cheaper once you've rented tents, tables, and chairs on top of the catering. I'd definitely run some numbers and talk to the "chefs" of the family to see if the stress of cooking for everyone is going to ruin the wedding for them.

Answer 5

I'm getting married next October. We are planning a small family-only sit down brunch the morning after our wedding ceremony. This way, all of our family members can meet each other and mingle without being in formal attire.

I think it's a good idea.

Answer 6

It's a good idea. She doesn't have to have a big blown out expensive wedding. Just something nice for the special people in the wedding couple's lives. And very cost efficient!

Answer 7

I had a cousin who had a medium sized wedding with reception in the afternoon, and then just a few people of the wedding party ate with them at her parent's house for supper that evening before they left for their honeymoon. Kind of the best of both worlds, I guess! I think that's a neat idea for a small wedding.

Answer 8

Wow, I didn't know that anyone did that anymore! But that's so cool, glad she's doing it that way. If I wanted a small wedding, that would definately be an option. However, since I have 40 cousins, just on one side - lol - that's really not an option for me.

Answer 9

The modern wedding industry has ingrained in countless brides that a catered meal for everyone you've ever met in your life is the only acceptable way to go. Not everyone can afford to do so, but many will anyway because they are afraid of going against the norm.

Personally, I think what your friend is doing is a great idea.

Answer 10

I think that's a lovely idea!
However, we chose to host a wedding for 200! It was very traditional, we have lots of extended family and friends, so we were lucky to be able to afford what we did have!