Should i care if my girlfriend wants "girls nite" at a bar?

Question

She says they need time to talk about "girl stuff." I figure that time would be best spent shopping, or lunch, or coffee or whatever. My gf thinks im controlling. But when she goes to rhode island for the weekend with her friend to a wedding, the two of them go out to a bar with a bunch of guys after, and bring them back to the hotel bar after. Then she doesnt answer her phone. One guy called her one night from one of her "girls nites," and she said it was an old friend she ran into. She said he used to hang around with her girlfriends a while ago. I catch her in lies all the time. And she says "My friends say I lie because i have to, because you are too controlling." I think I don't like "girls nite" at bars, because besides the above, she has a drinking problem, where she can't even walk when she leaves the bar. Who the hell knows. Am i controlling? And if so, should i not be? Should i dump her?

Answer 1

For faithful girls, girls night out is just girls night out. It doesn't involve any guys at all, and definitely no going to a hotel with some guys afterward. My wife has gone to some with her friends for a drink and chat and that's perfectly OK with me. But in your case, I'm not sure your GF is loyal to you. Which means, if she goes to one, there is a chance some guy will hit on her and she will "entertain" him.

Obviously, your GF is a liar and she wants to blame it on you being too controlling. That's wrong. If she objects about you being too controlling, then she should confront you and compromise. She should never lie and blame you for it. Even if you're a control freak, that still doesn't give her the right to lie.

I will dump a liar anytime of day. There is no point in wasting my precious time with a person who can't be trusted.

Answer 2

yes, when you're young (& sometimes older), sometimes "girl's nite out" involves barhopping. It DOES NOT involve picking up men when you are in a committed relationship.

You might be too controlling, but this is also the whine of the party girl who wants her cake and eat it too. The way to figure out if it is you or her--Do you try to tell her when she can go out and who she can see? Were you jealous before you had reason to be? Do you tell her what she can wear? Did you grill her about where she went before you were jealous? Do you have rigid ideas of what is acceptable for males and what is acceptable for females?--then it's you.

Does she dismiss your concerns as being trivial? Does she answer your questions with questions? Does she turn your accusations back on you? Does she constantly tell you that you are crazy or don't know what you're talking about, when you know darn well you know what's going on (the old "Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?")--then it's her.

It sounds like you don't trust your girl (and with good reason). Since she wants to be with other men, let her go. It's not worth it to fight her over this. She lies to you about where she is and who she's with, it will just make you crazy and the more you try to hold on to her, the harder she'll pull away from you. Just get out and move on to someone who has the same values as you.

Good Luck.

edit:
Coll,
if you are his GF and your side is true, then why would you want to stay with a man who is damaged and needs to be fixed (i.e., controlling and needs counseling)? Why waste any of your time, suffer the stress and not be able to enjoy the relationship waiting for him to change when he thinks you're the one with the problem? My final analysis is still the same: you two make each other miserable and aren't meant to be together. Each of you go find someone who will treat you more like you want to be treated.

Answer 3

I have a bf, and I do girls' nights, and we do end up meeting guys, bc most of my girls are single, and that's what they go out for, but I never give out my # to anyone I meet. I try to find a way to mention the bf.
Ask her how she behaves. And, her having a drinking problem definitely makes her hard to trust. Talk to her about that, explain that her drinking makes you uncomfortable.

And you know what? This is probably childish, but why don;t u have one of your female friends call you when you're w your GF, and say she's someone you mat at a bar, or whatever, and let's see how she reacts to that.

Answer 4

I would say yes if you find that she lies to you, you don't need that at all ever girls night should be just girls getting there drink on. I don't do that and i don't have guys calling my phone either that is not controling there is a reson why you don't want her to do this sounds like you don't trust her

Answer 5

THIS IS pHILANATHREPISTS GIRLFRIEND. HE IS LYING. HE IS CONTROLLING. HE DIDNT WANT ME TO GO TO A WEDDING FOR A WEEKEND WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, AND GOES NUTS IF I HAVE TO GO OUT TO A BAR WITH MY GFS. I DID NOT BRING GUYS BACK IN MY HOTEL ROOM AFTER THE WEDDING!! OMG! THEY CAME TO OUR HOTEL BAR. BUT HE CANT STAND A GUY LOOKING AT ME OR TALKING TO ME. I LOST ALL MY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF HINM. THEY ALL WANT ME TO DUMP HIM. HE NEEDS COUNSELING. ALL THAT POST ABOUT ME, WAS BULLSHIT. I LIED ONCE OR TWICE ABOUT A MALE OLDER FRIEND I HAVE HAD FOR FOUR YEARS. . HE IS AS CLOSE TO ME AS MY GF'S, AND MY BF DOES NOT WANT ME TALKING TO HIM AT ALL. MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER A YEAR, AND THIS GUY HAS BEEN LIKE AN UNCL EOR BROTHER TO ME FOR FOUR YEARS!! SO I HAD OT LIE. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND I STILL DONT ABOUT THAT SITUATION.

Answer 6

first - don't be controlling. The Girls Nite thing is healthy - it keeps both of you guessing as long as you both trust each other. If you want her to "come running" say "okay, no problem babe" and go out with your friends. Come home later than her! Just make sure, and this is key, that when you meet back up you say at least one sweet thing about missing her, etc.

Answer 7

theres nothing wrong with what u do...its only normal to use a bit of controlling on someone whos prone to go out of control..i dont think this rekllationship has a future with her lying and bitching about u with her frinds...actually im surprised ure patient enough not to have dumped her right away...good luck with ure life...btw i have a hunch that she is fooling around with that chap

Answer 8

well first, the girls night out thing is okay. I hate it when my boyfreind goes out for a boys night out, but i know its because i will miss him. but at the same time everyone has to have time to socialize with family and freinds whether they are single or dating. As far as your girl goes, i dont think its safe to say she is cheating, just becuase you dont have enough proof. If i were you i would do a little further investigating. but dont make it obvious, if she knows you are suspicious of her then she will just try harder to cover it up.

Answer 9

If you are finding that you can't trust her and are worried everytime she goes out with her friends, then maybe you two aren't meant to be together anymore

Answer 10

sounds to me like she's cheating... call the show "cheaters" an have them follow her. or jus break it off an find someone who doesnt need girls night out.. good luck hon!