Help with these sentences pls!?

Question

Can you help pls? I need this text to be correct. Thank you!

KIDZ is a casting agency for children and teenagers. It deals with the promotion of young actors and new faces.

It began in xxxxx in 2002, when the director decided to follow her passion for talent scouting and to offer her proven managerial experience, her skills and professionalism to families, Advertising Agencies, Producers and Directors. The staff she is working with are very well qualified, having worked in show business and talent scouting for many years.
Our talent agency for children and teenagers boasts a deep knowledge of show business and casting in particular. Moreover we understand the importance of an effective image promotion in a world that changes very fast!

Answer 1

Hi,
Your text seems to be a statement of function and as such would be better to contain the “Brand Name” “KIDZ” as frequently as possible.
I think that the opening sentence is over long and should be shortened by “stops” rather than four “comas” and the conjunction “and”. The statement “The staff she is working with are very well qualified” should read “The staff she is working with is very well qualified” (staff being singular and not plural). You could, of course, state “The members of staff that she works with are all very well qualified”.
If you say “the director” it should have a capitol “D” but I feel that the name would have more impact in a statement like this. For example “when June Smith, the Company’s founder, decided to follow her passion”.
These are the changes I have made

KIDZ is a casting agency for children and teenagers.

KIDZ deals with the promotion of young actors and new faces.

KIDZ began in xxxxx in 2002 by June Smith, the Company’s founder. June decided offer her passion for talent scouting, together with her already proven managerial experience and professionalism, to advertising agencies, producers, directors and not least of all families in the shape of KIDZ.
All of the KIDZ staff June works with are very well qualified, having worked in show business and talent scouting for many years.
KIDZ talent agency for children and teenagers boasts a deep knowledge of show business and casting in particular. Moreover, we understand the importance of an effective image promotion in a world that changes very fast!

Maybe this will help in some way – I hope so. Good luck

Answer 2

My only criticism is the sudden change from third person to first halfway through the sentences. May I suggest: "KIDZ began in xxxxx in 2002, when our director (name?)decided..."
Possibly also "The staff she works with.."
Then the use of "our talent agency" seems to hang together more easily. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I would say:
"We promote young actors and new faces."
"Her staff is very well qualified, having worked ih show business and talent scouting for many years."

The rest is OK.

Answer 4

It sounds OK to me if you are selling yourselves to a company for example,but a bit too technical for the general public.hope i was of help.x