plz advice?

Question

Okay there this guy who likes me and I like him too and we want to get married. He all already told his mom about me but his family is asking about my family background. Like what my parents do and my brother does for living. I have already told him what my mom and what my bro does just today. My brother is a manager at a store. Mom doesn't work and my sister in law is nurse. I could tell when I told him my bro is manager at a store he was not impressed at that. My bf is working as a Engineer. He has his Master's degree in it. He knows i'm not working. My dad works for a small company where they look after people who lost there memory in a accident. I'm starting to feel i'm not good for him and his family. His family background is this dad is manager in engineer dept, mom is housewife and bro is studying to be a engineer. What should I do

His parents are very educated and my parents only did education up to High School. I remember the girl he was dating before he said to me that her parents weren't educated but still he accept her etc.

we been together for 1 year and every time he asked what they do I ignored

Answer 1

You can't help who your family is. If he truly loves you then he shouldn't care. All you need to do is get the best job/career you can (and want) and go for it. If he doesn't think it's good enough then tough. Just do your best.

Answer 2

First of all, he's the one that would be marrying you, not them. Second, don't ever discredit yourself. You are a wonderful person, and if he doesn't want to marry you becuase of YOU then you don't need him.
third, you didn't say anything about love. do you love him? Don't marry him because there is money in his family, or you will be just as bad as they are. they could just be looking out for their son, making sure that he's not just with some gold-digger.

personally, i would hold off on the wedding, especially since you're not exactly sure how you feel about this guy. 'liking' someone isn't enough to marry... you have to be completely devoted to him, regardless of the situation. what will you feel or think if he flunks out of engineering school and decides that you should work too? would it change your opinion of marrying him? marriage is a long term thing... and divorce is final, it is also damaging. if there's no children involved, it's damaging to your financial life too... it will KILL your credit.

think it over, k. :)

Good luck!!

Edit: You've been together for a year, and you haven't met eachother's family? wow.... I met my boyfriend's family the second day we were together, and he met mine after about a week.... if you guys aren't committed to eachother enough to meet eachother's family after a year, are you sure marriage is the right direction? neither of you should be ashamed of anyone you're around, be it you be ashamed of your family, or him be ashamed of you... if anything he should be ashamed of HIS family for asking such questions. What does your mom and dad's occupation have to do with if you're in love with their son? Sheesh... Just elope and move away. LOL

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

slow down.

This sounds more like your issue than his. I'm not impressed by anyone's job. So why would you expect him to be impressed by your brother's job?
What was his attitude when you told him what your family did for a living? Was it disdainful/disrespectful?--this reaction is not a good sign your guy is a keeper. Was it indifferent?--this reaction doesn't mean anything
Are you so in awe of his and his father's occupations that you feel like your family doesn't measure up? Get over that. Managing a store requires excellent people skills, good business sense. You have to be really sharp and on the ball to manage a store.

Don't you worry about being "good enough" for him. you are who you are and he likes you.

Now if this guy is a snob and shuns you because of your family's occupations, then he's the jerk and he's not good enough for you. And why would you want to be with someone who disrespects you anyway?

Good Luck. I hope you're able to sort out your feelings and decide if the problem is yours to get over or if it is you new guy's problem, in which case you need to move on because he will make you miserable.

edit: based on the additional info you added: This is your issue to get over. Your family is who they are, they aren't stupid people. They have just had different opportunities and made different decisions in their lives.

Look at the things you and he have in common with your families: Both of you are adults and your parents are still married. Both of you have moms who are housewives.

Now let's look at you: You need to work on your self-esteem. What is it you would like to do with your life? You said that you weren't working: are you in school? are you unemployed? are you able to work? Perhaps if you had a concrete idea of what you'd like out of life or had a goal to work towards, you would feel better about yourself and not so in awe of other people's achievements.

Good Luck to you!

Answer 4

His parents aren't marrying you - he is. My father only has an 8th grade education and became a truck driver. My mother on the other hand has a masters degree in education and was teacher of the year and won many grants for her work. Although their careers and education are vastly different, they have been married for FIFTY TWO (yes, 52!) years, have five children and 15 grandchildren and are still very much in love and very happy ....
need I say more??

Answer 5

You are talking about marriage and you just NOW told him about your family???? Back up there.....slow down...stop what you're doing and ask yourself about how you feel about yourself and your family!!!! Marriage while you are still so immature is a HUGE no. Get some more education... you seem almost illiterate. Give yourself some time to grow so you'll be ready to consider larger steps in life. I don't mean to put you down...I just think you have a long way to go! Good luck. Hugs, Gina C.

Answer 6

Wow, what a complex situation... If you have never even met his family that should be a first... Don't run into a marriage, where you'll soon be running from your in laws... Eventually you guys will have to interact, and if that's a mess, that will definitely put it's damper on yall's relationship... I don't know how long you've been dating, but it doesn't sound like long, and so I would say that time is your best chance in letting it play itself out... You'll know if it's time to get married... It's like God writes it visibly enough for you to read... Good luck...

Answer 7

Go with your heart, Make sure he knows what he wants, make sure he wants you not his family cause he's with you not anyone else, Plus if you guys do get married you"ll have to live with each other not his family for the rest of your life so ask your self do you see that you want to get old with this person. Do you know everything about him, If you don't you guys need to slow down.. YOU Need to know what you want in this relationship an see if he wants the same, if he doesn't then your better off letting him go before it gets hard i know..
Don't worry about what other people say, Its your life not theirs.. Don't let them take what you got away from you.. If you love him, He love's you then that all it matters.. good luck..

Answer 8

sounds like a pretty judgemental person to me. i've grown up being taught that it doesn't matter what someone does for living as long as they do it well. if he's going to be judgemental of you now over that it will never get better. you might want to discuss this with him. i'm sure he's that way because he was raised that way. if you plan on having a career, might want to make sure he's not just looking for a "suzy homemaker". some people raised that way can change but sometimes they won't==depends on how influential his family is on him. Good luck

Answer 9

Ok, first you said that "there this guy who likes me and I like him too". Do you LOVE each other?

How long have you been dating?

If you feel like you and your family isn't going to meet up to his families standards, it sounds like you might have some doubts about getting married.

Consider seeing a counselor by yourself and together and work through any issues before you take the big step.

Peace, and good luck!

Answer 10

bdf, no woman is ever "good enough" for a parents' son. My parents were the same way, but they kept their opinions to themselves because they allowed their sons to choose and make their own mistakes. Luckily I chose wisely.

Assuming that you and your bf are making a wise decision to get married, then if his parents cannot accept you, then elope. Once you're married, then they have to either "accept" you or risk getting their son's contempt for them. I suspect that once they find out that you and your bf are serious, then they will give in and insist on a proper wedding.

I hope your bf is a good man... you already have in-laws from the gulag.