Need help with an issue involving my sister and family? How can I change her and her ways? HELP!?

Question

I am concerned about her because she seems to have a big problem that she just can't see. She is a single mother of two children. She works with me at work and every single day we carpool together in my car. She rarely contributes to gas nor does she offer to drive. She comes into work late EVERYDAY! Which therefore, makes me late as well. She has beggining to upset not only me but my family and even my husband because she seems to be very selfish. She has money to fix her car but it seems as though she is not saving her money anymore. She went on a BIG shopping spree for X-mas. My mom is mad at her and doesn't even talk to her or give her rides anymore because of her behavior. On the weekends she makes things worse by making my grandma babysit her kids and she doesn't come home til the next day and makes lame excuses that she had no ride. She is on my last nerves and I'm sure on everyone else's. She used to borrow my g-pas car until it broke down. Now I"m her only mode of transportat

I talked to my husband about the situation and he seems to be upset at me for always going out of my way to give her rides/help her and she doesn't even give gas money or appreciate it. I've been giving her rides for the past 5 months already. My family and I think that she always seems to have a ride to go out with her friends but not for importang things like going to work, getting her babies milk. She seems to neglect her kids as well even though she says she doesn't. I'm not saying she's a bad person but she needs to realize what she is doing is wrong and act like a grown women rather than a teenager. She is 24 years old by the way. I am 22 and am more responsible.

The main issue isn't about $ for gas that just part of the whole picture. She needs to learn responsibility, to be independant, and she needs to be mature especially since she has 2 children who are supposed to look up to her.

Answer 1

Your Mom is on the right path. You and your Grandma are still helping your sister be irresponsible. Your sister will not change her way of doing things until she has to. As long as you continue to be late for work because she's late and as long as you continue to give her a ride to work without paying for gas, she has not motivation to do anything differently.

If Grandma says "No", how can your sister "make" her babysit? Your sister needs a reality check. You can't change her you can only change the way you react to her. If you want things to change you have to change the way you do things. Set limits. Tell her you will pick her up at a given time. If she's not ready, don't wait for her. Leave. If she misses work because she missed her ride, that's her problem. It's not your fault. If she wants a ride to work, tell her the amount you will expect her to pay for gas and incidentals. Give her a flat amount she has to pay you in the beginning of the week. Each Monday morning, she gives you x dollars to cover her transportation for that week. If she doesn't give you the money, she doesn't get a ride.

It's called tough love. And it's very effective. As long as you allow your sister to take advantage of you she will. It's as simple as that. When you start putting the brakes on and setting limits she'll either tow the line or she'll have to find another way to get what she wants. Either way, she'll no longer be a problem. Yes, she'll get upset with you and she'll tell you you're being selfish and she'll tell other people you're being mean. But that's all her issue because she will no longer be getting what she wants. You don't have to stop talking to her or argue with her. Just be nice and sweet but be persistant. By being tough on her you'll help her learn to grow up and take respoinsibility. Take a page out of your Mom's book. Stop giving her what she wants without requiring her to be responsible. Do that and I suspect you'll start to see some changes.

Show this to your Grandma and tell her to say no more often as well. Or she can start charging for her services, cash up front. You both have to stop playing victim to your sister. That's the only way anything will change.

Answer 2

First of all dont let somone else mess up your income. If she cant get ready on time , that doesnt mean you need to lose your job. Secondly be upfront with her. Tell her to help you with some gas money every week, its the least she could do and gas prices are high. Further, u dont have to make yourself over available to her every need. Sometimes say no. You dont know what or how she's thinking. You cant change her but make suggestions about how she can fix her situation. Tell her exactly how you feel. And keep her in your prayers.

Answer 3

Your sister is a professional USER. She is forcing everyone around her to do her bidding... pay her bills, take care of her kids, haul her all over town. She is living the life of Riley while everyone else is counting pennies.
Each person is finally getting the idea that they need to draw some boundaries.

If you continue to carpool with her, you will lose your job because she is making you tardy.
The next time she is in your car, you tell her that she can no longer ride with you because she is endangering your job. Tell her she has to drive herself from now on. You will probably have to use the answering machine to screen your calls. Quit being user-friendly!

Actually, the whole family needs to do the same thing... they need to say "NO" in order to light a fire under her fanny and get her to grow up. She needs an intervention. It sounds like she has some addiction that she needs to overcome.

Answer 4

hi i really understood ur problem dear n u r really in scene.u must act now .it is obvious that u care 4 herbut being2affectionate sometimes spolils people.as u told she goes out with her friens it means that she can handle such expenses (or might be making others to pay)anyways u just try 2 be a little stern with her though she is elder but retain ur affections for her with sincerity.dont spoil her anymore .she isn`t a kid let her learn things hard way only then wud she realize.by pampering her in this manner u r desturbing ur family life too.career wise too its somewhere or the other suffering.right?SO TRY 2 HANDLE IT WITH CERTAING DECEPLINE.tell her oughtrightly coz as long u will keep the grudge inside u ,u will turn that much poisonous.do u understand.so sort out thing calmly without being harsh.just make it clear once n for all.GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

Oh WOW do I feel like I wrote this myself! I have this very same problem in my own family, though its not my sister, its my nephew and his wife and kids mooching off of my mom, HIS grandma! This is how you handle it...what I have been trying to tell my mom to do: STOP GIVING TO HER! If the kids need something, go get it for them yourself...do NOT give her money, do NOT give in to her any longer...if she has absolutely no way to work, demand that she be ready when you are ready or you are leaving without her. NO EXCEPTIONS!! If she can socialize, then she can economize.....tell her to grow up and put her kids first. I think tough love is the only way to go here...otherwise, she will continue to be selfish and get away with it, and the longer she does it, the more her kids suffer and the harder it will be for her to break this terrible selfish habit. Oh, and by the way, tell her God is taking lots of notes of her behaviors.........best of luck to you.

Answer 6

even in the journey that your SIL is speaking about your in-guidelines or a co-worker, she is gossiping. and also you're enticing contained in the gossip by listening to her. She can not gossip if she does no longer have an target audience. of route you do not opt for to be yet another subject of her to gossip about to others. So, you want to stability that very heavily. I have a tendency to distract the gossiper by interrupting and replacing the topic thoroughly randomly. And if i am going to start up it off with a praise, a lot the better. SIL: the day earlier in the present day i changed into talking to MIL and he or she changed into so rude to me. Me: Oh!! i love that blouse you're wearing. I observed something like that once i changed into at Macy's the different day. It turned right into a use your card journey day and that i have been given some large deals. SIL: surely I were given this blouse at continuously 21. Me: it truly is truly lovable. i have not had a lot fulfillment looking issues i love at continuously 21. So...you decrease off the verbal change earlier it features any momentum. also, if the verbal change is over the phone, i could without note ought to get going. "hey, I hate to diminish you off, yet I surely ought to get going. Bye!"

Answer 7

Your sister wont listen to sit down talks. for a week,leave without informing her. Completely stop talking to her. Tell your grandparents to do the same and leave on a nite out for a movie,party,anything!! and everytime she wants a favour she will have to pay in advance for it. Simple.Lets not get emotional over people who are not emotionally balanced. They first need to learn lessons in balancing their lives. Teach her and she will learn to respect the family and her life.Dont give in to emotional talks and make a list with your family about the things you all would want her to do.
If she does not live not live upto it, Then she pays house keeper salary.all of you should be free from stress and live happily.

Answer 8

You sit her down and point out the obvious. You explain that you love her and have finally reached your limit of willingness to help without some form of compensation. If you require gas money then ask for it. If you require her to be on time then explain you will wait until XX time and then you will leave without her. Set boundaries and don't hesitate to follow within them. Try not to come off as attacking her, make this about you. Otherwise you'll find that she becomes defensive and that never ends well.

Answer 9

You need to sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her and let her know how you all feel. If you keep giving her rides and every thing else she will never get on her own two feet you need to let her find her own way and help her self. I now its hard but she needs a wake up call. Good Luck.

Answer 10

Stop letting her take advantage of you.