You know that he loves you...Yet you find yourself crying and feeling miserable a LOT! Whenever you are with him, it is easy to feel okay. But whenever you are alone you are bombarded with the feeling that he doesn't even know you...That you are making a decision which you will forever have to live with...And the problem is, you have two choices. Either marry the man, or leave home since your parents and the church (which he also attends with you) will be miserable to live with afterwards.
2007-11-28 03:35:29 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Talk to him and look into therapy sessions. And post pone the wedding until you are happy. Typical wedding jitters do not involve that many tears you have more then cold feet honey.
2007-12-01 13:59:32 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You CANNOT base your decisions on what your parents or the people at church will say.
Only you know if you and your man have what it takes to make it work. If i were you (and i was in exactly that situation when i was 19) i would 'postpone' the wedding until you and your man have had a chance to talk and think about things.
I got married at 19 cos everyone wanted us to, and we weren't right for each other. We went on to have a wonderful daughter and we are now really great friends, but being a divorced single with a little baby at aged 23 isn't something i'd recommend as good fun. We should have just stayed friends, getting married cos you want to please OTHER people is such a very bad idea. It will only end in heartbreak.
Ask yourself, would your church friends and family be more embarrassed if you called off or postponed the wedding or if you ended up being divorced a few months down the line??- surely thats more shameful than taking the time to think things through?
Good luck to you!!
2007-11-28 03:44:28 · answer #2 · answered by music_lovin_miss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to determine if these feelings are just the jitters, or if it is more serious. Nevertheless, talk to your boyfriend about it and let him know how you feel. It's never too late if you don't feel right about it, it doesn't matter who paid for what. The people that truly care about you would rather you call the wedding off than to go through with something and be miserable the rest of your life or however long you choose to stay married. It's much harder after than before. Have you had premarital counseling? This may help you sort out your feelings and be more confident in your decision.
2007-11-29 14:15:27 · answer #3 · answered by T. M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better to have loved and lost than to be stuck spending the rest of you life with someone so wrapped up in himself that he can't be bothered to notice you. Would things be any better with your parents and church if you married and then fought like cats and dogs? If you married and then filed divorce in two years?
Don't put it as "The better I know you, the less I like you." Just insist that you need more time to think about it and want to postpone the wedding for another year. This gives both of you (and your families) time to realize that you two just aren't that great a match.
Marrying someone just because you want to be married, or have a wedding, or move out of your parents' house -- these are recipes for disaster. The only good reason to get married is because you'd rather not have a future at all than have a future that doesn't include your beloved. Being single is GOOD -- it takes an extraordinarly good man to be better than no man at all.
2007-11-28 03:44:18 · answer #4 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Adree:
You should get some professional help. This sounds more profound than "to get married or not." It sounds like you have some issues with your parents that you need some help working about before you move on with your adult life. After all your parents and church are not the ones who will have to live with your husband.
Also if you were stronger emotionally the wedding being canceled is not a reason not to continue going to your church are staying with your parents.
Please get some help and not from someone within the church they are great people who really care but, they are also part of your issue and you need someone trained to help and who is uninvolved in your life personally. When trying to find someone to talk to about your problems, think of them as a rent-a-friend with whom you can be totally honest. So if you do not like the first person you go to see try someone else.
Good Luck.
2007-11-28 03:43:02 · answer #5 · answered by gator_ce 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do YOU feel about HIM? Are you getting married because you think that's what you are supposed to do? What is it about you that you think he doesn't know? Have you been honest with him about who you are and what you want out of life or have you been pretending to be someone else just to get the ring and the big party?
Getting married and skipping town aren't your only choices. You could postpone the wedding for a few months.
And really, if you decide you don't want to get married and cancel the wedding...that's a whole lot better than getting married now and divorced a few months later.
You have a lot of hard questions to ask yourself and if you can't do that alone, talk to your clergy person or find a counselor and have this discussion with them.
Good Luck to you! I hope you figure out what it is you really want.
2007-11-28 04:19:23 · answer #6 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are different psychological stages in a relationship. Sadly I hear most people try to marry before the "awakening" state where they start to have thing come into perspective and they start to take notice of all the negative aspects of their mate. Sounds like you ran into this. With a 50% divorce rate in America don't become the statistic. I suggest seeing a marriage consoler before you even get married. It may sound stupid but having a marriage expert test you and your lovers foundation will give you a less regretful and possibly solid reasoning to call it off.
2007-11-28 03:46:33 · answer #7 · answered by RAH-66 Comanche: Aerial Reaper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to a neutral party about your feelings? From your question it sounded like you attend church regularly -- can you talk to someone from your church? Sometimes it's good to have a frank discussion with someone who can help ask the right questions to get to the root of where this unhappiness is coming from. I can understand that it may be difficult to talk to friends or family because they may have a bias and lean towards telling you "don't worry, it's just nerves," when it might be something bigger than that.
2007-11-28 06:21:13 · answer #8 · answered by denise25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the thing about marriage, that I learned. If you make a promise to love someone forever, no matter what, you must keep it. But if you stand with each other, face to face, and make a simple promise to always be in love with each other, no matter what may come you are ten times more likely to succeed, if the marriage isn't documented in the judicial system. The only one besides you two who needs to know your promise is God. Of course you can have a ceremony for something like this, there is just no official, priest, unless he wants to bless the home, or something of that nature, and there is no certificate. Aside from that aspect, it is much easier to stay in love with someone, than it is to love them. Love comes naturally, with responses in your body, to notify you and your partner of every emotion you are feeling. To label it a Marriage, is to give a false identity to something as pure and innocent as love. I don't think I will ever get married again. Not because I don't like the tax break, it's nice by the way, but because I want my next relationship to be built on trust, and understanding, of each others wants and needs. I want to give my all to someone, and get nothing less in return. And I don't need a new name, and a piece of paper to do that.
B~
2007-11-28 03:52:15 · answer #9 · answered by queen462606 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No matter how hard it would be yes i would call it off...if your starting to see that your not happy..then why get yourself into something that just might end in the long wrong...u need to think about yourself and if your family cant understand thats crappy...they should love you and respect your decision...you dont want to be miserable for the rest of your life...
2007-11-28 03:40:03 · answer #10 · answered by lisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are second guessing yourself you need to really sit down and think your situation through. Your fiancee should be told too because what if it is jitters...like you said, you feel good with him but you doubt yourself when you are apart. I have been married 6 years and I can tell you, my husband still is getting to know me as I am him. People are constantly changing and when you do, your partner changes too...you have to learn how to balance your relationship. Have you ever wondered if he feels like he may be rushing...just talk to one another and try to communicate because communication is one of your top priorities in a marriage...without it, you will never really know your partner. Best of Luck, I hope everything works out.
2007-11-28 03:42:32 · answer #11 · answered by Military Mama due 03/09 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋